Tea and Starlight and Therapy - Keros and Ilthuryn

After the events of The Wildcard, written together with Wixspartan :


Keros studies the map he’s been given, trying his best to line it up by the stars as instructed, but in the end falling back on an innate sense of cardinal directions works out for him. Through the dark treeline a faint warm glow catches his attention. Following it he comes across a small clearing in the trees. In the centre sits a small campfire next to a hammock that has been strung between to large oak trees that sit near the clearing's centre. Sat next to the fire is what could only be Ilthuryn, although the amount of furs he's bundled himself up in in the cold weather makes him look more like a small bear than the elf Keros has seen before. Before him are spread out almost a dozen star maps, and he seems to be studying them intently.

“Ah, I hope you didn’t invite me here to look at star maps because this really is not my area of expertise.” Keros thinks to himself for a second, “Actually that… is a good point. I guess I assumed you needed a shelf putting up or something. Why am I here?”

Ilthuryn holds up a finger to signal Keros to wait. He studies the maps a bit more before looking up into the clear night sky and seemingly thinking completely to himself. Suddenly he springs to his feet and strolls over to the campfire, pulling from his pack a clay pot and two small cups. Into the pot he sprinkles a strange mix of leaves, bark, berries and flowers before filling it with water from a gourd and placing the pot into the campfire. Finally he looks at Keros and smiles warmly, gesturing for him to sit by the fire.

Keros kicks the leaves away from a spot in on the floor and sits down “Ah, tea. That I understand.” He rests his shield down gently, the reflection of the flames dancing across the winding script on its surface. After carefully placing the pot in the fire and watching Keros sit down Ilthuryn makes a very overacted eating gesture before looking questioningly at Keros.

“Oh shit you wanted me to bring food? I’m really sorry I never know the rules for these things.” He says, going into a genuine social panic.

Ilthuryn chuckles soundlessly and shakes his head before gesturing to suggest an offering

“OH. Yes please.” Keros looks about. “Lovely place you have here. Peaceful.”

Ilthuryn smiles and nods as he hops to his feet and heads into the treeline. A moment later he comes back with two preprepared squirrels on wooden skewers, already skinned and butterflied. He digs the skewers in next to the fire, and the squirrel meat begins to sizzle. After a while he looks towards Keros, just trying to see how he's feeling at this very moment.

Keros is suspicious, like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. His body language is a poor attempt at looking at ease from someone who is anything but.

Ilthuryn doesn't do much as the squirrel sizzles but after a moment will shuffle round nearish Keros and gently gesture for his hand. On his own hand he traces the creases and lines, seemingly in explanation of what he wants to do. Keros’s eyes initially widen as he opens his mouth to speak, but is reassured by the second gesture and offers his hand with a raised eyebrow.

Ilthuryn takes Keros' massive hand and starts peering at it, trying to gain some insight into what it could reveal. He smiles as he reads the palm, but suddenly his face shifts to sadness and grief as he continues before looking up at Keros. Ilthuryn's gaze is always piercing but this time it seems far deeper, almost trying to reach into Keros and communicate with him on a deep level. But he quickly stands up and goes back to the fire, pulling out the skewers and offering one to the minotaur.

“My future’s not great then?” He snorts a laugh and takes a skewer. “Yeah that tracks.”

Ilthuryn shakes his head and pulls out his papers and charcoal. He writes, Your palm reads your past, only the stars can see what will be. Your past is... full of sorrow Keros, for what it is worth I am so sorry.

“A lot of people have it worse than me.” He takes a bite of the squirrel, not expecting much but pleasantly surprised, “Lost your voice to the Fey huh? What’s the story there if you don’t mind me asking?”

That is the story I'm afraid, any more is lost to me. My voice, my sight, my memory, my mind, all stolen. Then I found the stars, and they gave me new sight and new mind. Better than that thought they gave me guidance, and I listen to them all the time. Would you like to try?

“You lost - these are great by the way - your memory? I’m sorry to hear that.”

Ilthuryn shrugs noncommittally, it seems to bother him little. The campfire by now is dying a little low and with a tilt of the head Ilthuryn stands. With a whistle and a flash of starlight in his eyes he raises his hands. Above the clearing there is a flash of light, and a small glowing star appears above their head, raining down sunlight.

Keros simply watches enraptured by the display. After seemingly smiling friendlily at the small star itself Ilthuryn sits back down and his face grows serious again. He seems to think for a long moment before writing again. How do you feel, about the decision we made?

“In Zot Goran? I think I made that very clear. I want it to work, but I don’t know if that place is fixable anymore.” He sighs deeply, “Time and time again people ask me what to do like I’m supposed to have any of the answers when there are smart people like Rae and Jaezred around who come up with all these clever ideas and I’m just sat here with nothing most of the time.”

“Just because I care a lot doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing. It doesn’t mean I’m good at it. I worry the same may be true for Amala.”

Ilthuryn listens carefully, and nods with understanding. Then he carefully writes. Perhaps now is the time to care, not to be smart. If living things did everything the smart way, fate would always play out the same. Our lives would be perfectly pre-arranged, no dreams, no struggles, no life, just a series of perfectly planned actions.

Ilthuryn waits for Keros to finish reading before handing him another piece of paper. That's not to say every action should be instinct. It's good that you cared, and it's good that you understood that you had to think about it to make sure your care didn't blind you to reality. But I think something else got in the way. You say you have no answers, that you've given up on trying to make things better in Zot'Goran, that you worry about Amala being to innocent and naïve. Where is your hope Keros, where has it fled to?

Keros tilts his head to the side as he reads this, clearly beginning to get annoyed for a second, but pushing it aside, “I suppose when you watch enough things go wrong... it's easier to expect the worst. It hurts less when it happens and you're expecting it.”

Ilthuryn nods before handing a note over. But it never stops hurting. The only way to stop it from hurting is fighting for a way to change things for the better, to hope that what you're doing will make a difference. And it has. You helped Kul'Goran today more than you know I'm sure. Only the stars know how this game is going to play out but I can at least tell you that I believe you did the right thing, and sometimes that matters more than doing the smart thing to prolong the status quo.

Keros smirks "I hope you're right. Does that count?"

Ilthuryn chuckles again. Perhaps it's the first step. They finish off their skewer and chuck it back into the dying campfire. The next note is far less carefully thought about. So, what do you do to relax?

Keros cocks his head at the change of tone, "Work out mostly. When I'm on the right continent for it I work on my hillsurfer. How about you?"

Ilthuryn clicks again and the light above them disappears. He gazes up into the night sky, watching the stars as they hang there. Eventually he'll look back down at Keros and write, this time with a stick in the dirt. Listen.

Keros politely listens, and certainly does relax in the calm woodland, but doesn't seem on the verge of a spiritual revelation. The stars are pretty, but their wisdom beyond him.

Ilthuryn rests for a long moment, watching the stars, listening to what they might tell him. Then he looks back down at Keros before writing a note. You're clearly a great warrior, and you clearly care so much about Kul'Goran and its people and the people around you. But you need to understand that you're just one person. You say you caused the deaths of thousands but you didn't, you simply took the action that finally kicked off a civil war I'm sure was brewing for months. If it wasn't you it would be someone else, and if you didn't start it the way you did it might have resulted in far more death. You did the best you could, and I'm sure you will continue doing everything in your power to prove yourself. But you don't have to be ashamed, you don't have to prove anything. You are already a mighty warrior and that shield of yours I'm sure has protected many many others. But I think you have sacrificed more than your body in pursuit of your care, you have sacrificed your pride.

Keros looks back at the fire for a good few seconds before clenching and unclenching a fist. “Do you know what? I have indeed sacrificed my pride if I’m prepared to sit and be told how to live my life by someone I met less than a day ago.”

“If you intend on continuing to talk down to me then I thank you for your hospitality, but we are done here.” He gets up to leave, stamping on the edge of his shield to skip it up onto his arm.

Ilthuryn raises his hands and makes a careful smile whilst shaking his head. This note is hastily written. Friend I meant to offence or to tell you how to live your life, I make no suggestion of what actions you should take. Just saying what I observe. I'm trying to help you here.

Keros simmers down a bit, but a nerve was still clearly touched, “Okay, and is that because you have something to gain? Or is this some holy calling that could be better served attending to someone important?”

Ilthuryn smiles with relief and shakes his head. Neither, I just have a certain insight into people and wanted to chat with you, even if I have to write this and not speak it. I have nothing to gain, but I disagree your point of not being important friend.

Keros eyes Ilthuryn suspiciously “Okay, why? You expect me to bare whatever’s left of my soul to you and you won’t even tell me your motivation in return.” Ilthuryn is insightful enough to see that everything about the minotaur’s body language is defensive as he says this.

My motivation is to try and make use of my time in this land for good, to help instead of harm. To be honest there is also the somewhat selfish desire to try and make a new friend.

Keros holds Ilthuryn's gaze for a while, trying desperately to get a read on someone so far removed from anyone he has met before and failing miserably.

Ilthuryn senses the minotaur's reticence and brightens up, holding up a finger before Keros can speak.

He rummages through his pack quickly and pull out a pot, slowly dipping his finger in and scrawling strange patterns on his face.

Keros's tensed muscles relax slightly as he exhales deeply. “I'm sorry Ilthuryn. I'm trying to make more friends too and... acting like a calf doesn't help.”

The choice to put on face paint in this moment primarily serves to remind Keros that he's talking to someone very different to the people he usually interacts with.

Suddenly the face paint shifts, and Keros gets the impression it may correspond to Ilthuryn’s feelings, or at least the feelings he wishes to project. It’s ok, I deserve no apology. I may be insightful but I’m not exactly good at talking to people, I’m sorry myself if I touched too many nerves.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the interest. You’re just… picking at scabs that haven’t healed.” He rolls his eyes, “You are definitely observant. I feel like I have sacrificed a piece of myself in everything that’s happened.”

“I never used to care about politics, but in a choice between the Optimates and the Purists there is no choice anymore. One side rejects the people I care about. The people I love. The other rejects… well, me. So every time I step in to fight for what I know is the right cause, the long term greater good, and for what will keep those I love safe… I’m siding with a man who has not only personally disrespected me by forcing me to tarnish the reputation of someone I greatly respected, but who pushes an agenda that tells me I should be ashamed of my ancestors. That I should reject gifts that have helped me do good time and time again.”

“Not to mention the evils he committed during the Battle of Zot Goran. Gods… and that’s the problem right there. If I focus for a second on what this is doing to me, I forget the much greater harm it is doing to others. This is why I don’t like to pick at this scab. My self indulgence betrays people who matter more than some washed up former soldier.”

Keros shakes his head violently and exhales loudly through his teeth, trying to fight his rising instinct to replace difficult emotions with anger. “Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Ilthuryn listens quietly, carefully watching Keros, the markings on his face shifting and moving to reflect his sadness at what Keros is telling him. Then he instinctively begins to sign a message before shaking his head quickly and writing a long message. He's starting to run out of paper. Keros, please listen to me. You are not some washed up former soldier I can guarantee you that much. Even now you could probably break my skull with a single blow, although I ask that you don't as I'm quite fond of it. You've sided with those that hate who you are because you care so much about protecting others. And yet in doing so you've just reenforced your own hate for yourself. Why do you think I was so adamant that Amala be made candidate. I'm sure there are many others just like you, who do your duty, follow your principles and settle for the good of the people over the good of themselves. It's not the only option though, you can settle for a third path, bring about a change that makes Kul'Goran stronger, that brings much more than just a safe return to the nest of vipers. You have told me how much you've spent fighting, so fight for change, fight for something you actually believe in and have faith in yourself. You have already done so much good by helping Amala, and I'm sure you have done so much else, don't repeat a cycle of self hatred again and again because it's "the right thing to do" because its not. That cycle only leads to cynicism and doubt, and that leads to doing the wrong thing eventually which will make you hate what actions you took trying to feel good. If you don't mind I have one more point but it may be painful to hear, do I have your promise you will hold no ill will against me for it?

Keros raises an eyebrow “I guess we’re already pretty deep into it. You have my word that I will express no ill will.”

Ilthuryn sighs and looks a little nervous as he hands over a note. You seem to try and fight for a cause that you believe in, and I too feel it is a good cause. But the way you talk, about yourself... To sacrifice so much of yourself and your pride just because it is easier than fighting to believe in yourself that you have made the right decision. To take the easy path of blaming yourself for everything around you because it is simpler than having to keep fighting to change the fundamental issues. That is cowardice, that is not the way of a true warrior. I know you are strong, but you need to believe it, or your fight means nothing. Please trust me Keros, you are far stronger than you know, you just have to have hope.

Keros grits his teeth, looks away for a few seconds and looks back with an extremely forced smile. “Okay. Perhaps I need to trust myself more, but I disagree with you on how you see courage. Feeling better about myself helps nobody but me. If I put my thoughts and feelings first and as a result someone gets hurt that is not courage that is vanity. If I can save a life by taking a physical blow I will. If I can do the same by sacrificing a piece of my pride? There is no “courage” in refusing to do so. The blows of fate cannot harm others if they strike me instead and if there’s one thing I do believe in? It’s that I can take it when others can’t.”

Ilthuryn chuckles and sits without moving. Slowly he offers another clay cup of tea to Keros who sighs and opts to manoeuvre his massive frame into a seating position before accepting a scalding hot beverage.

“That doesn’t sound… ‘healthy’ when I say it out loud does it?”

Ilthuryn shakes his head. Smiling compassionately

“Well, I have no idea what to do with that information.” He takes a sip. “Oh. Oh this is really good.” He drinks some more, “When Jaezred gives us tea with sticks in it’s just cinnamon. You should give him your recipe.“

Ilthuryn smiles and taps the side of his nose secretively. Then he hands over another note. I won’t tell you how to live, I have too little experience of the world outside of the stars. But at least promise me you will think about this conversation the next time you make a decision and feel the self hatred creeping in.

“I guess it’s better than my dad’s advice of ‘push it deep down and lock it away until you get a chance to make it someone else’s problem’” he laughs briefly until he realises that Ilthuryn isn’t laughing with him

Another sigh, “Sure. I’ll try.”

Ilthuryn nods, happy. Thank you, and as I’ve said before I think, you’re always welcome here if you wish to speak with me or simply come have more tea.

“Much appreciated. I don’t have a home to invite you to in return yet, but if you find yourself in Daring Heights… I’ll buy you a drink.”