Post by Markas Virnala on Aug 2, 2019 23:54:33 GMT
15th Entry in the journal of Markas Virnala
It's been a few weeks since I picked this up. In truth maybe I was avoiding it on purpose.
Since I've come to Port Ffirst I feel like my life has been in a state of chaos and without direction. I seem to be making bad choices its affecting my abilities. There's been no sign of Bogg or Urso around for a while. Even Baine seems to have found a calling and moved off to Daring now. Our dysfunctional family is falling apart...
Excluding the little holiday trip to Lightening Bay, I decided to seclude myself for a while.... try to find some focus again. Originally I was hoping to talk with Paw but she seems to be following her path as well, which is I guess the problem...
What is my path?
I spent about a week continuing my training without Paw, still swimming out to that island and living off fish but I found myself distracted and didnt find any peace in it. I decided to give it a rest after a particularly bad night where my dreams were filled with memories of Aila again. I guess now I've stopped moving for a while the realisation is catching up with me. I still miss her.
I spent most of the next day trying to rest and take stock. I barely recognised the person in the mirror now and I realised I have my share of souvenirs from the adventuring I've been doing. I actually stood in the mirror (with the expected whistle from Hoop!) And went over each of them
The cut on my cheek from training with Paw
The most recent, the acid burn on my neck and shoulder
The werewolf claw marks across my chest
The small cut on my left arm from the sword fight in the underdark
The array of smaller cuts and slices from facing the hoard
And of course, my grey hair.
The only part of my old self I could see was the small scar on my left leg from where I feel through the old shed with Hugo. Seems like a lifetime ago now since we were all together.
Since training wasn't helping, I decided to try something more practical and see if I could make another of Paw's potions . I went back to all the places she showed me she gathered the herbs from but annoyingly I could only find a few of them, even after days of searching. I managed to buy the rest easy enough and made a fairly good version though the taste isn't quite there. But having the spare potion is always handy.
Since I already knew the herbs I would need to make more potions were gone, I decided to spend the following week focusing on some meditation, leaving early each morning and jogging past the numerous cats that seem to be popping up around the place. I'd find somewhere quiet to meditate, normally where I had been training with Paw before coming home after sundown.
It was a couple days before I could finally find that peace again. I was having conflicting thoughts about who I was and what I'm doing when the realisation came that I am not who I once was.... I am someone new. I'm sure Aila wouldnt recognise me but why would she? Why did that even matter? I have new friends and new stories now. I needed to let go of the past life I knew and accept the one I had made now. Letting things end the way they did would always be a mistake I had made but it didnt need to be the one defined me.
Finally managing to clear my head let me see things from a new perspective. The doubts I had were starting to lift and I feel.... renewed. I obviously still miss Aila.... I think I always will, but it's time to look forward instead of back.
Hoop of course has been here the whole time. I spoke to them at length about Aila and as expected, their response was pretty typical for Hoop: "who's that? Oooo was she cute? Not as cute as me obviously! She did what? That was dumb! Pffft forget Alma - its Aila - whatever, she sounds boring anyway, let's go find someone else we can play with! Karlessa sounds nice, I'm sure she can spark something in us!"
I probably shouldn't have told them so much about Karlessa. Hoop doesnt seem to care that I have actually barely spoken to her!
Honestly, I think having Hoop around has been a big help. They're chaotic and flirty and full of sass.... pretty much everything I'm not but somehow I find it comforting having them with me. They seem to like staying in the nicer rooms of the flourished hook too so I guess we've permanently moved now. But I dont mind. I still prefer spending time in the Hoops room than any room I can rent anyway so whatever makes them happy is fine with me.
As for my path.... I still dont know what it is or where it's going.
But I think that's ok.
Speaking of cats, those 2 are sitting outside again...one looks wild but the other is almost like someone's pet... even has a collar on it. Now that I think on it, I think it's been those same 2 I've been seeing all this week. Am I being followed by cats???
No, that's crazy. I think I need to start talking to other people again....
It's been a few weeks since I picked this up. In truth maybe I was avoiding it on purpose.
Since I've come to Port Ffirst I feel like my life has been in a state of chaos and without direction. I seem to be making bad choices its affecting my abilities. There's been no sign of Bogg or Urso around for a while. Even Baine seems to have found a calling and moved off to Daring now. Our dysfunctional family is falling apart...
Excluding the little holiday trip to Lightening Bay, I decided to seclude myself for a while.... try to find some focus again. Originally I was hoping to talk with Paw but she seems to be following her path as well, which is I guess the problem...
What is my path?
I spent about a week continuing my training without Paw, still swimming out to that island and living off fish but I found myself distracted and didnt find any peace in it. I decided to give it a rest after a particularly bad night where my dreams were filled with memories of Aila again. I guess now I've stopped moving for a while the realisation is catching up with me. I still miss her.
I spent most of the next day trying to rest and take stock. I barely recognised the person in the mirror now and I realised I have my share of souvenirs from the adventuring I've been doing. I actually stood in the mirror (with the expected whistle from Hoop!) And went over each of them
The cut on my cheek from training with Paw
The most recent, the acid burn on my neck and shoulder
The werewolf claw marks across my chest
The small cut on my left arm from the sword fight in the underdark
The array of smaller cuts and slices from facing the hoard
And of course, my grey hair.
The only part of my old self I could see was the small scar on my left leg from where I feel through the old shed with Hugo. Seems like a lifetime ago now since we were all together.
Since training wasn't helping, I decided to try something more practical and see if I could make another of Paw's potions . I went back to all the places she showed me she gathered the herbs from but annoyingly I could only find a few of them, even after days of searching. I managed to buy the rest easy enough and made a fairly good version though the taste isn't quite there. But having the spare potion is always handy.
Since I already knew the herbs I would need to make more potions were gone, I decided to spend the following week focusing on some meditation, leaving early each morning and jogging past the numerous cats that seem to be popping up around the place. I'd find somewhere quiet to meditate, normally where I had been training with Paw before coming home after sundown.
It was a couple days before I could finally find that peace again. I was having conflicting thoughts about who I was and what I'm doing when the realisation came that I am not who I once was.... I am someone new. I'm sure Aila wouldnt recognise me but why would she? Why did that even matter? I have new friends and new stories now. I needed to let go of the past life I knew and accept the one I had made now. Letting things end the way they did would always be a mistake I had made but it didnt need to be the one defined me.
Finally managing to clear my head let me see things from a new perspective. The doubts I had were starting to lift and I feel.... renewed. I obviously still miss Aila.... I think I always will, but it's time to look forward instead of back.
Hoop of course has been here the whole time. I spoke to them at length about Aila and as expected, their response was pretty typical for Hoop: "who's that? Oooo was she cute? Not as cute as me obviously! She did what? That was dumb! Pffft forget Alma - its Aila - whatever, she sounds boring anyway, let's go find someone else we can play with! Karlessa sounds nice, I'm sure she can spark something in us!"
I probably shouldn't have told them so much about Karlessa. Hoop doesnt seem to care that I have actually barely spoken to her!
Honestly, I think having Hoop around has been a big help. They're chaotic and flirty and full of sass.... pretty much everything I'm not but somehow I find it comforting having them with me. They seem to like staying in the nicer rooms of the flourished hook too so I guess we've permanently moved now. But I dont mind. I still prefer spending time in the Hoops room than any room I can rent anyway so whatever makes them happy is fine with me.
As for my path.... I still dont know what it is or where it's going.
But I think that's ok.
Speaking of cats, those 2 are sitting outside again...one looks wild but the other is almost like someone's pet... even has a collar on it. Now that I think on it, I think it's been those same 2 I've been seeing all this week. Am I being followed by cats???
No, that's crazy. I think I need to start talking to other people again....