Cap'n Jimmy - Drunk Sailor's Tale
May 15, 2019 2:04:30 GMT
Milo Brightmane and Heret Velnnarul like this
Post by Alexandros on May 15, 2019 2:04:30 GMT
Fetch me some crog 'n listen t' me tale wee lad! I be a scallywag that travelled far 'n me eyes 'ave seen a lot o' awkward thin's.
I'll begin from th' beginnin'. Har!
I'll tell ye about me sprog years. Me cap'n told me I was sold. Har!!! Sold ye hear!!! He bought me at a port some galleon in th' sea o' cutlasses errrh swords. He didn' remember, he was sailin’ all th' time he said. I was sold cheap, he said 'n thought he will his doubloons back one way or another.
At first, he tried t' sell me, he said, t' some wealthy families at Neverwinter. But th' cocky bastards said I smell like gutted fish 'n I had th' face o' a bloody dogfish. Th' face o' a bloody dogfish they said. Like they 'ave seen a dogfish in thar wee silly cocky life.
He had t' keep me th' pure ole bastard said. So he kept me. 'n worked me skin off me hands fer 'im. 'n I grew up t' a lad yer age, but taller 'n more andsome. So andsome, th' cap'n's beauty 'n th' cap'n's daughter loot a fancy on me.
Blimey, a day me luck was nah in me pockets. th' daughter caught me wit' her mom. Let me tell ye, th' maids heard us, th' merchants heard us, th' fowlers down th' bay heard us. I jumped off th' window naked as a sprog 'n run fer th' first ship. But no ship left th' port afore me captains 'n I got caught 'n me cap'n flayed me back with the cat o'nine tails so bad that ye could see me ribs. Then he ordered fer th' plank.
Avast! Me luck was back in me pocket trifold. Me harties liked me lots Ye see, first to throw the chantey, I was thar only entertainment fer years 'n th' cap'n owed us doubloons, a lot o' doubloons. Three trips I reckon. Two brothers, carousers the lot, big as gorillas, 'ave ye ever seen gorillas. Thar hands were as big as spatchcocks. Th' two brothers got angry, th' rest o' th' mates got angry, th' monkey got angry. They made th' captains short work 'n made 'im walk th' plank.
We were goin' here 'n thar fer a while. Nobody gave us job. mates got starvin'. 'n when mates get hangry they get angry. We tried t' sell th' ship on th' next port, but 'twas a wee port 'n wit' no legitimate cap'n scallywags were fast t' call us thieves 'n blame us fer anythin' that wrong on th' island. So we left th' port, 'n when th' next ship appeared, we went on account.
Ship aft ship we looted 'n scuttled . Th' two big lads got cruel 'n mean. They slit th' throat o' any sailor that wouldnât join us. They slit th' throat o' any mate that would dare raise voice t' them. They slit th' throat o' th' monkey.
'n that was it. That was th' line he should 'ave crossed. Th' big fat lad, he grew fat ye see, all that grub 'n rum 'n... whatever he ate. Th' big fat lad had crossed th' line⦠'n I challenged 'im wit' me bare fists.
Then th' next thin' I remember be me bein' marooned on a dirty wee island. Ne'er reckon a crab 'n a polly ‘d make such a nice natter.
I'll begin from th' beginnin'. Har!
I'll tell ye about me sprog years. Me cap'n told me I was sold. Har!!! Sold ye hear!!! He bought me at a port some galleon in th' sea o' cutlasses errrh swords. He didn' remember, he was sailin’ all th' time he said. I was sold cheap, he said 'n thought he will his doubloons back one way or another.
At first, he tried t' sell me, he said, t' some wealthy families at Neverwinter. But th' cocky bastards said I smell like gutted fish 'n I had th' face o' a bloody dogfish. Th' face o' a bloody dogfish they said. Like they 'ave seen a dogfish in thar wee silly cocky life.
He had t' keep me th' pure ole bastard said. So he kept me. 'n worked me skin off me hands fer 'im. 'n I grew up t' a lad yer age, but taller 'n more andsome. So andsome, th' cap'n's beauty 'n th' cap'n's daughter loot a fancy on me.
Blimey, a day me luck was nah in me pockets. th' daughter caught me wit' her mom. Let me tell ye, th' maids heard us, th' merchants heard us, th' fowlers down th' bay heard us. I jumped off th' window naked as a sprog 'n run fer th' first ship. But no ship left th' port afore me captains 'n I got caught 'n me cap'n flayed me back with the cat o'nine tails so bad that ye could see me ribs. Then he ordered fer th' plank.
Avast! Me luck was back in me pocket trifold. Me harties liked me lots Ye see, first to throw the chantey, I was thar only entertainment fer years 'n th' cap'n owed us doubloons, a lot o' doubloons. Three trips I reckon. Two brothers, carousers the lot, big as gorillas, 'ave ye ever seen gorillas. Thar hands were as big as spatchcocks. Th' two brothers got angry, th' rest o' th' mates got angry, th' monkey got angry. They made th' captains short work 'n made 'im walk th' plank.
We were goin' here 'n thar fer a while. Nobody gave us job. mates got starvin'. 'n when mates get hangry they get angry. We tried t' sell th' ship on th' next port, but 'twas a wee port 'n wit' no legitimate cap'n scallywags were fast t' call us thieves 'n blame us fer anythin' that wrong on th' island. So we left th' port, 'n when th' next ship appeared, we went on account.
Ship aft ship we looted 'n scuttled . Th' two big lads got cruel 'n mean. They slit th' throat o' any sailor that wouldnât join us. They slit th' throat o' any mate that would dare raise voice t' them. They slit th' throat o' th' monkey.
'n that was it. That was th' line he should 'ave crossed. Th' big fat lad, he grew fat ye see, all that grub 'n rum 'n... whatever he ate. Th' big fat lad had crossed th' line⦠'n I challenged 'im wit' me bare fists.
Then th' next thin' I remember be me bein' marooned on a dirty wee island. Ne'er reckon a crab 'n a polly ‘d make such a nice natter.