Are We... Still Friends? - Keros and Rae
Nov 3, 2024 16:48:46 GMT
Jaezred Vandree, Velania Kalugina, and 9 more like this
Post by Tom M on Nov 3, 2024 16:48:46 GMT
Co-written with, of course, Harry
Set during Fog and Marto's housewarming barbecue party.
The envelope containing this letter arrives at Keros’ room, delivered by Marto’s familiar, Gwen. Written in the familiar handwriting of Rae upon fine parchment paper.
Having dropped off the barrel and had his brief conversation with Marto, Keros is standing a little way out from the fire that much of the rest of the party is focused around, he tends to run hot at the best of times, and is leaning against a tree.
The letter is fresh in his mind.
“Hi Keros.”
Their voice calls out from a little ways away, as Keros turns, he sees Rae. They look considerably healthier than last time he saw them, their cheeks are fuller, their face a vibrant pink, and their eyes and smile have a delicate hope to them. They look sincerely pleased to see Keros, and walk up briskly, before stopping at an appropriate yet awkward distance.
Keros had been wondering what his response would be when he saw them again after such a long time. The emotion he settles on is relief.
He smiles broadly, “Gods you look so much better already. Not that you looked bad. You did, but…”
He closes his eyes and laughs at himself as he shakes his head. He takes a deep breath.
“Hi Rae.”
“I had a curse running through me for several months, Keros. You’re allowed to say I looked bad.” They chuckle a little and produce a flagon of ale they had been concealing behind their back and hands it to Keros.
“You look better too.”
He smiles and steps forward to accept the flagon off Rae with both hands, cupping theirs inside his for a second as he looks them in the eyes and says “Thank you.”
Drinking half of it in a single go he looks about. His massive silhouette is pretty distinctive and privacy is unlikely to last long.
“Do you want to find somewhere to sit and catch up?”
“We can just…” They stomp on the ground and their eyes flair with magic as they cast a spell that travels into the ground and forms a seat of earth. They pause for a moment, as if doing it by instinct and not thinking it through. They look up at Keros with an awkward chuckle.
“...Ta-da?”
He chuckles along and rolls his eyes, “You remember that not everyone else can do that right?” Keros glances back at the house and gives a little test push with his hand against the tree trunk he was leaning on, “And I feel like Fog and Marto will want me to leave this upright.”
“It adds to the whole… Aesthetic. Best leave it be, come here.” Rae sits themself on the stone seat and pats their hand next to them.
Keros moves his head from side to side, pretending to mull this over, but steps away from the tree and takes the offered seat.
They sit together as the sun goes down over New Hillborrow.
“I miss this.”
“Me too.”
Rae answers without hesitation, continuing to look out at the sunset.
“It’s been good to be here, and to clear my head... But I’ve been talking a lot with Marto... And I don’t want to cut anyone off anymore. Not after how the past few months were just the diary and I.”
They look to want to continue, then hesitate for a moment, before turning to look at Keros.
“Are we still friends, Keros?”
He keeps looking out at the sunset and sighs, “Rae, last time we spoke you were not ready to hear it, but I need there to be honesty between us, okay? You need to understand how much this whole situation hurt me. How much you have hurt me. And since then… that letter you sent was the first time I have heard from you in nearly two months.”
Rae deflates a little and looks out to the sunset. They sigh deeply and sip at their drink.
Keros turns and looks directly at them, “After everything that happened… I have thought about you every single day.”
They turn back to look him in the eye, pain in their eyes.
“I have too.”
He takes their hands in his, “Look, last time we spoke I know you said that you are a different person now and you need to figure out who that is, and I did not understand. Not really. But I was talking to someone who reminded me that when we first met I had been through something that meant I did not know who I was. You were the one who helped me find the person I wanted to be.”
Keros looks away and quickly runs a hand across his face, before taking a breath and looking back to Rae, “I understand that we cannot go back to how things were. If you will let me… I want to be there for you; the way you were for me. And figure out something new.”
Feeling his hands clasped around theirs, the warmth, the security, they relax in an instant. They look up at him and take every word as truth and nod sincere understanding.
“I feel the same way. It took me time to understand... We are a lot of things, Keros. But we are not strangers, not so long as we live. I don’t want to keep going without you.” They briefly rest their forehead against Keros’ hands, exhaling deeply with exhaustion.
“That’s why I asked, specifically, are we still friends? Can we be friends? And I don’t mean that in a way to... Disrespect what we were before.” They get flustered over the words and take a deep breath before looking back up at Keros.
“You were one of the first friends I made here. And anything new between us should start as it did before. Because you being my friend meant the world to me.”
Keros looks into their eyes deeply and smiles as best he can. Rae is right. What they need right now is a friend. They don’t need the complications of being entangled in his doomed existence. He thinks about what he came here to say and swallows as he shoves it down deep inside. What they need matters more and saying it will make it harder for him to give them that. Take the hit Pactsworn.
Take the hit.
“Rae I am always going to be your friend. No matter what and…”
As he looks into their eyes, seeing everything he’s ever wanted standing right in front of him, something wells up inside.
No. No more. No more putting himself last every time. Because it’s not about heroic self sacrifice. Not really. It never was. It’s about not feeling like it’s worth fighting for his own happiness. That he isn’t worthy of it.
The moment is now. If there is a one in a million chance that Rae wants more and is just afraid to ask for it he has to say it now or he never will.
“Rae I said I would be honest with you. Whether you still feel the same way or not I need you to know that… I am still in love with you. And if it were up to me… I would be there for you as more than a friend.”
The words hit Rae all at once. The hope that they didn’t dare entertain. That despite everything they had done, all the hurt they had caused, they are still loved. It strikes like a fear in the deepest part of their heart instantly.
I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t understand, he can’t let go. Why doesn’t he let go?
And in that instant, the voice of Marto repeats in their head.
”Anything worth having is worth working for.”
“I am still in love with you too Keros.”
The words come to them so naturally, like a song they’ve been singing their whole life. Before they know it they are pushing themselves forward to place their head on Keros’ chest.
“I never stopped. And I’m so sorry that I ever made you believe that wasn’t the case.”
Keros freezes as Rae pushes themself against him. His brain unable to process the situation his head tilts down automatically, and his eyes close as he takes in their scent.
A single teardrop that could fill an egg-cup splashes across Rae’s back as Keros’ arms pull them in tighter.
Suddenly he snaps back to reality and grabs Rae by the upper arms, moving them away and looking them straight in the eyes, the look on his face one of utter shock.
“Then what the fuck are we still messing around for? Why have we wasted all this time if… if we both wanted the same thing all along?”
Rae manages a weak chuckle and wipes tears from their eyes.
“I was scared, Keros. I didn’t want to keep hurting you. I did need space, my mind only just became my own again. But all that it has told me is what I knew the whole time I was cursed. I cannot live without you.” They reach a hand up to touch his cheek softly, thumbing his skin softly. “I know it was hard for you, but thank you for respecting that and letting me figure it out. I’m back now.”
“Not seeing that face every day? Not hearing your genius ideas? Not having you there to never let me give up? Yeah. I hated every minute of it.”
Keros picks Rae up off the floor by their waist, holding them up face to face so that they can put their arms around his neck. His voice creaks with emotion, “But by the gods I would do it all again, all of it, for this moment.”
Rae giggles as they are swept off their feet and feel the warm embrace of Keros once more. They breathe deep and smile.
“And maybe this time we can make some better decisions. Together.” They lean forward and fill their hands full of the hair on his head and kiss him deeply.
They kiss as if making up for lost time, as if in their own private world together even though other partygoers might have started to notice by this point. Keros pulls away after a little while to reply.
“Rae, it is us. We are going to do stupid shit and make bad decisions.” He laughs, “But together we will get through them.”
“We always do.”
Set during Fog and Marto's housewarming barbecue party.
Hello.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It feels like it.
Marto is having a party for his house being finished. It would be really nice to see you there.
I’m sure he wants you there too, he might’ve invited you already. But you should know I want to see you too.
I’m looking forward to it. See you there.
~ Rae
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It feels like it.
Marto is having a party for his house being finished. It would be really nice to see you there.
I’m sure he wants you there too, he might’ve invited you already. But you should know I want to see you too.
I’m looking forward to it. See you there.
~ Rae
The envelope containing this letter arrives at Keros’ room, delivered by Marto’s familiar, Gwen. Written in the familiar handwriting of Rae upon fine parchment paper.
Having dropped off the barrel and had his brief conversation with Marto, Keros is standing a little way out from the fire that much of the rest of the party is focused around, he tends to run hot at the best of times, and is leaning against a tree.
The letter is fresh in his mind.
“Hi Keros.”
Their voice calls out from a little ways away, as Keros turns, he sees Rae. They look considerably healthier than last time he saw them, their cheeks are fuller, their face a vibrant pink, and their eyes and smile have a delicate hope to them. They look sincerely pleased to see Keros, and walk up briskly, before stopping at an appropriate yet awkward distance.
Keros had been wondering what his response would be when he saw them again after such a long time. The emotion he settles on is relief.
He smiles broadly, “Gods you look so much better already. Not that you looked bad. You did, but…”
He closes his eyes and laughs at himself as he shakes his head. He takes a deep breath.
“Hi Rae.”
“I had a curse running through me for several months, Keros. You’re allowed to say I looked bad.” They chuckle a little and produce a flagon of ale they had been concealing behind their back and hands it to Keros.
“You look better too.”
He smiles and steps forward to accept the flagon off Rae with both hands, cupping theirs inside his for a second as he looks them in the eyes and says “Thank you.”
Drinking half of it in a single go he looks about. His massive silhouette is pretty distinctive and privacy is unlikely to last long.
“Do you want to find somewhere to sit and catch up?”
“We can just…” They stomp on the ground and their eyes flair with magic as they cast a spell that travels into the ground and forms a seat of earth. They pause for a moment, as if doing it by instinct and not thinking it through. They look up at Keros with an awkward chuckle.
“...Ta-da?”
He chuckles along and rolls his eyes, “You remember that not everyone else can do that right?” Keros glances back at the house and gives a little test push with his hand against the tree trunk he was leaning on, “And I feel like Fog and Marto will want me to leave this upright.”
“It adds to the whole… Aesthetic. Best leave it be, come here.” Rae sits themself on the stone seat and pats their hand next to them.
Keros moves his head from side to side, pretending to mull this over, but steps away from the tree and takes the offered seat.
They sit together as the sun goes down over New Hillborrow.
“I miss this.”
“Me too.”
Rae answers without hesitation, continuing to look out at the sunset.
“It’s been good to be here, and to clear my head... But I’ve been talking a lot with Marto... And I don’t want to cut anyone off anymore. Not after how the past few months were just the diary and I.”
They look to want to continue, then hesitate for a moment, before turning to look at Keros.
“Are we still friends, Keros?”
He keeps looking out at the sunset and sighs, “Rae, last time we spoke you were not ready to hear it, but I need there to be honesty between us, okay? You need to understand how much this whole situation hurt me. How much you have hurt me. And since then… that letter you sent was the first time I have heard from you in nearly two months.”
Rae deflates a little and looks out to the sunset. They sigh deeply and sip at their drink.
Keros turns and looks directly at them, “After everything that happened… I have thought about you every single day.”
They turn back to look him in the eye, pain in their eyes.
“I have too.”
He takes their hands in his, “Look, last time we spoke I know you said that you are a different person now and you need to figure out who that is, and I did not understand. Not really. But I was talking to someone who reminded me that when we first met I had been through something that meant I did not know who I was. You were the one who helped me find the person I wanted to be.”
Keros looks away and quickly runs a hand across his face, before taking a breath and looking back to Rae, “I understand that we cannot go back to how things were. If you will let me… I want to be there for you; the way you were for me. And figure out something new.”
Feeling his hands clasped around theirs, the warmth, the security, they relax in an instant. They look up at him and take every word as truth and nod sincere understanding.
“I feel the same way. It took me time to understand... We are a lot of things, Keros. But we are not strangers, not so long as we live. I don’t want to keep going without you.” They briefly rest their forehead against Keros’ hands, exhaling deeply with exhaustion.
“That’s why I asked, specifically, are we still friends? Can we be friends? And I don’t mean that in a way to... Disrespect what we were before.” They get flustered over the words and take a deep breath before looking back up at Keros.
“You were one of the first friends I made here. And anything new between us should start as it did before. Because you being my friend meant the world to me.”
Keros looks into their eyes deeply and smiles as best he can. Rae is right. What they need right now is a friend. They don’t need the complications of being entangled in his doomed existence. He thinks about what he came here to say and swallows as he shoves it down deep inside. What they need matters more and saying it will make it harder for him to give them that. Take the hit Pactsworn.
Take the hit.
“Rae I am always going to be your friend. No matter what and…”
As he looks into their eyes, seeing everything he’s ever wanted standing right in front of him, something wells up inside.
No. No more. No more putting himself last every time. Because it’s not about heroic self sacrifice. Not really. It never was. It’s about not feeling like it’s worth fighting for his own happiness. That he isn’t worthy of it.
The moment is now. If there is a one in a million chance that Rae wants more and is just afraid to ask for it he has to say it now or he never will.
“Rae I said I would be honest with you. Whether you still feel the same way or not I need you to know that… I am still in love with you. And if it were up to me… I would be there for you as more than a friend.”
The words hit Rae all at once. The hope that they didn’t dare entertain. That despite everything they had done, all the hurt they had caused, they are still loved. It strikes like a fear in the deepest part of their heart instantly.
I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t understand, he can’t let go. Why doesn’t he let go?
And in that instant, the voice of Marto repeats in their head.
”Anything worth having is worth working for.”
“I am still in love with you too Keros.”
The words come to them so naturally, like a song they’ve been singing their whole life. Before they know it they are pushing themselves forward to place their head on Keros’ chest.
“I never stopped. And I’m so sorry that I ever made you believe that wasn’t the case.”
Keros freezes as Rae pushes themself against him. His brain unable to process the situation his head tilts down automatically, and his eyes close as he takes in their scent.
A single teardrop that could fill an egg-cup splashes across Rae’s back as Keros’ arms pull them in tighter.
Suddenly he snaps back to reality and grabs Rae by the upper arms, moving them away and looking them straight in the eyes, the look on his face one of utter shock.
“Then what the fuck are we still messing around for? Why have we wasted all this time if… if we both wanted the same thing all along?”
Rae manages a weak chuckle and wipes tears from their eyes.
“I was scared, Keros. I didn’t want to keep hurting you. I did need space, my mind only just became my own again. But all that it has told me is what I knew the whole time I was cursed. I cannot live without you.” They reach a hand up to touch his cheek softly, thumbing his skin softly. “I know it was hard for you, but thank you for respecting that and letting me figure it out. I’m back now.”
“Not seeing that face every day? Not hearing your genius ideas? Not having you there to never let me give up? Yeah. I hated every minute of it.”
Keros picks Rae up off the floor by their waist, holding them up face to face so that they can put their arms around his neck. His voice creaks with emotion, “But by the gods I would do it all again, all of it, for this moment.”
Rae giggles as they are swept off their feet and feel the warm embrace of Keros once more. They breathe deep and smile.
“And maybe this time we can make some better decisions. Together.” They lean forward and fill their hands full of the hair on his head and kiss him deeply.
They kiss as if making up for lost time, as if in their own private world together even though other partygoers might have started to notice by this point. Keros pulls away after a little while to reply.
“Rae, it is us. We are going to do stupid shit and make bad decisions.” He laughs, “But together we will get through them.”
“We always do.”
