Maybe Today - Marto and Rae

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The morning after returning from Daring Heights, Rae is found practising sword forms in the early morning. They stand, balancing on the wooden barriers of the bridge, stepping forward and back. Their sword pierces through the cool morning air in varying jabs and thrusts. Quietly, they count out loud, following a lilting rhythm.

“One two three, one two three, one two three…”

“Make sure your core is held as you do that,” comes a voice by the village side of the bridge. “It’ll make your arm not feel as heavy so your sword point doesn’t dip.”

Rae’s ears twitch at the voice, but their concentration is unbroken. They strengthen their core before jabbing twice, following with a back walkover, using their free hand to support their lithe frame, then re-orienting to level their sword and shoot three magic missiles into the sky where they burst harmlessly in a pink spray of arcane energy.

Applause cuts through the damp morning air at the spectacle. “Beautiful. Well done,” Marto says, taking a few steps closer. “Being able to cast spells and wield a sword effortlessly is no easy feat.”

Rae breathes deeply and then squats down on the barrier, wiping the sweat from their brow as they turn and giving Marto a tired smile.

“Thank you. I’m trying to get back to basics. Less complex spellcraft.”

“That’s good. Actually,” his hand falls to a small, well worn but supple leather bound notebook at his side — and Rae recognizes it for what it is right away, his spell book, “I could always do with reviewing the basics myself from time to time. We could practise together sometime, if you’d like?”

“Absolutely. Then after that we can get you up here for the acrobatics, yeah?” Rae gestures with their eyebrows to a spot next to them a little teasingly.

“Yeah, sure. Toss a halfling and see if he’ll land on the bridge or in the river,” he says, good humour colouring his voice.

Rae smiles and hops off the barrier, picking up their coat and putting it back on. “Are you off somewhere this morning?”

“Not particularly. Fog’s still asleep and-”

Fionn comes bounding over, his whole butt wiggling as he greets Rae.

“Easy Fionn,” Marto says. The golden retriever calms down a little but is still very happy to see Rae. “Just decided to give Fionn an early morning walk. What about you? I didn’t mean to interrupt your training. I can leave you be, if you’re not finished yet.”

“No no, I’m good. I’ll join you if that’s okay. I want to tell you about the what I got up to in the city.” They sheath their sword and pick up their pack to follow along.

As they start walking out of town into wide open plains for Fionn to run around in, Rae walks with their hands in their coat pockets, eyes a little low.

“Well, I got a note the other day from Calla asking for my help. Plenty mysterious, just a mention of an ‘adventure’. Which made me sceptical because she’s not the type to use such an exciting term, but I figured so long as she needed help I could just follow her lead and know that I was doing something good for a friend. Seemed simple enough.”

“Let me guess…” Marto says, not needing to finish the sentence.

“Walking into Daring Heights for the first time since I left for… the ritual-” Rae glances at Marto on this, still embarrassed on this topic. “It was tough. I headed straight for the address I was given, I had hoped we would be heading out soon after. I was right, eventually. After meeting some of her family.. incredibly welcoming and lovely people, all of them, she told me the plan was to replace some of her missing magic from losing her patron with a new patron. This one would be from The Infinite Staircase. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept?”

“Yeah, I am, actually,” Marto says, shaking his head. “I was part of the group of friends Gerhard asked to help save Orianna and Henri from the Infinite called Mister.” He seems to remember something and he looks up at Rae, eyes that were calm and clear are suddenly clouding with worry. Reaching out to them he asks, “Did you walk the Staircase?”

“I didn’t… I just followed Calla? From what I understand that is different, it seems more like the person that opens the way has to pay the price.” Rae doesn’t meet his eyes. “But I wanted to. I nearly did. We helped Calla reach where she needed to go, she seemed to be tested somewhat, shown a version of her past from a different perspective. The day she left the Feydark. And it worked out for her in the end, and I’m really glad it did. But I quickly began to understand the draw of the Staircase.”

Marto is still not convinced. “When I helped Gerhard, it didn’t matter that we followed him. All of us who walked the Staircase still had to pay the price.” He takes a step closer, trying to catch Rae’s eyes, to see them, to be sure. “If you walked the Staircase, then…”

Rae furrows their brow at this, stopping to check themselves over.

“I feel okay… Not any particular difference right now at least. I heard about the price, part of your soul. And you’ve done this before?” They turn to look at Marto.

He nods, coming to a stop. “When all was done though, Gerhard had to pull the Staircase’s influence from us all. Did he do that for you?”

“No… Nothing like that.” Rae strokes their chin for a moment, then glances at their wrist as realisation hits them.

“Oh! No, we had bracelets that Henri made to protect us against that sort of thing. Of course. I forgot that little detail… So many other big things happened.”

Marto looks at their wrist. Hidden by the cuff of Rae’s jacket, almost faded into nothingness is an unmistakable, undeniably familiar silver thread.

“Henri gave you this? Not Gerhard?”

“Yes, that’s right.” They raise a little eyebrow.

Marto seems surprised. “That is… good. Henri seems to have changed…” He looks up at Rae, his expression relieved if a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Rae. I got concerned because, well… losing a part of your soul is no small thing. I just wanted to be sure you were safe and protected. But I… I got carried away.” He gestures for them to keep walking, which lends itself neatly into: “What other big things happened?”

“It got very intense. I don’t know the whole story with Orianna and her partner Gerhard, but the Staircase is a bit scary. It seems like in the future Gerhard becomes… one of the Infinite. The Architect, I think they said…” Rae gets a little sullen again. “A seemingly completely separate, eternal entity that has to live on without her.. and can no longer be what she needs. It’s a little familiar sounding.”

“That’s…” Marto is lost for words. They walk on in silence for a moment, then, “Is the familiarity something to do with Thousand Words?”

Rae nods quietly. “It made me think about him again.” They kick a little rock along the path. “And I thought… The Infinite Staircase could show me a time where I was never cursed.”

Marto keeps his face as neutral as he can. “It could, I have no doubt. But that is not your reality, Rae. You were cursed, and now you’re not.”

“I know… I didn’t go through with it. I wanted to. I really wanted to…” They think for a moment, looking up at the morning sky. “I think I would have if it were just me there.”

“…And what sort of answers were you thinking or hoping you’d see?”

“Keros and I… and Jaezred. Figuring out what we can do to save Keros. Together, like we used to. It used to feel like we could solve anything together.” They tap on their shoulder, and a little spider familiar formed of Spinel crystal crawls out from inside their jacket, perching on their shoulder. They pet it idly.

“I don’t believe I’ve met Jaezred, but- Hmm…” Marto seems to think about something, then sighs. Running a hand through his hair, he turns to watch where Fionn is bounding through the high grass.

“Keros came by whilst you were away and we talked about a few things. The Thousand Words being one of them.”

Rae looks sharply in Marto’s direction at the mention of Keros. “How was he? Has he made any progress?”

“Oh, so you want to know how he’s doing, huh?” Marto teases.

“Of course I do!” They turn a deeper shade of pink. “I miss him. A lot.”

“Then why don’t you go see him?”

“Because I hurt him. I really hurt him and made things so hard for him. And until I figure things out in myself, I can’t know that I won’t hurt him again.” They get very steely faced and look off forward.

“Then, perhaps you shouldn’t ask about things you aren’t ready to hear,” Marto shrugs.

“Just because I’m not ready to talk to him doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know if he’s okay or not.”

“By the logic you just told me, Rae, your being near Keros hurt him. Shouldn’t he be okay if you are not?” Marto levels a look at them. “Or was that not entirely true?”

Rae blushes again in embarrassment this time. “You’re being cruel.”

“I’m not. I’m merely asking you the questions you should be asking yourself.” Then he sighs, shaking his head. “This isn’t the easy part of the journey you’re on. I wish there was a way to fast forward through it. Perhaps there could be if you choose to walk the Staircase, dipping into another time when you weren’t cursed… But would that really give you the answers you seek?”

Rae sighs deeply. “I’ve spent too much of my time cursed. And given too much of myself away already. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

The dirt grinds under the knight’s feet as he comes to a halt. Rae continues on for a step or two but realises quickly they are continuing on alone. They stop and turn, looking back at Marto who is both looking at them and yet not. There’s a mutter of words, halfling most likely, then a shake of his golden head.

“Your struggle isn’t that you view yourself as broken, Rae. It’s that you think there’s no way something like it won’t happen ever again.”

Rae frowns as they hear this, trying to process it. “I don’t think I understand.”

“We are made of multitudes. We have those dark thoughts within all of us. It’s the act of choosing to not follow them, to have a support system around us that helps us, a forest of friends and family we have planted, nurtured, and built from the ground up that will catch us if we start to stray from the way we want to be.” He’s been gesticulating with his hands, trying to explain. Now, they fall to his sides. “Yes, there is the work that needs to be done to figure out what that ‘want’ within us is. But there is no perfect, absolute, catch-all way to get there. That is a fantasy that will never come true. And a quick fix solution won’t solve it either. It takes work. By Yondalla’s grace, it takes a lot of fucking work. But anything worth having is worth working for.”

Rae listens quietly. When Marto finishes, there is a moment of silence filled only by the whistling morning wind.

“Keros said something similar… the day it happened. He told me I had to choose to be good, and do good. I don’t think I was ready to hear that then. And I wasn’t ready to hear it from him. When my intentions were to choose to do right by him… and I hurt him so much.”

Their fingers idly run along the hilt of their sword at their side.

“But he inspired me when I was first learning who I wanted to be. His desire to do right for his country, even if it was hard- it was infectious. I wanted to be part of his plan to do good. And when I started losing my way… it was because I stopped considering his opinion and assumed I knew what was best for him.” They sniff a little and wipe their face.

“I think… I just want to talk to him again. If he wanted to talk to me.”

The wind stills and the distant trill of birdsong swells a little as if acknowledging Rae’s truth and want with encouragement.

“You should talk to him, if you’re ready to Rae,” Marto says. Then he smiles. “When he came by, we had lunch and… Keros did ask after you.” He holds up a gentle hand seeing Rae’s question in their face. “I didn’t say much beyond that you are doing well. I…” He seems to search for the right words. “I won’t place myself between you two in that way. You two do need to talk to each other. But as I said, when you’re ready to do that.”

“Thank you…” They give a little nod. “I’ll… give myself a bit of time to think about what I’ll say. But I will talk to him soon.” Their brow furrows as thoughts run through their head. “I could make him some food, it’s a long trip for him to come here, do they grow tomatoes here? I could- Is this too date-y? Maybe I should just go to the fort. I don’t want to be forward and confusing, I just want to talk…” They turn a deeper shade of pink in their cheeks as they tie themselves in knots over the minutia.

“Can I make a suggestion?” Marto asks.

“Please.” Rae looks over pleadingly.

“First,” he starts, stepping up to Rae and placing a comforting hand on their back, “take a moment to breathe. Second, how about you keep it simple and speak to Keros at the house warming bonfire Fog and I’ll be hosting in a couple weeks. Hmm? Gives you time to chill, takes the pressure off of you for doing something- anything too much or extravagant, and I’ll be around if you need me. How does that sound?”

They ponder this for a moment, then nod. “That sounds good. Is he already invited?”

“I did extend an invitation last week when he came to help, but we can arrange for Gwen to take a personal note from you, to make sure Keros knows you’d like him to come,” he offers.

“I could just send a Sending. It’s much simpler and less strain for Gwen… Though, the recipient not being able to choose when to receive the Sending can be… problematic sometimes. A note then, I’ll write it up. Then he can open and read it when he’s ready.” Rae runs a finger along their new spellbook idly while pondering aloud. They then turn to Marto and manage a little smile. “Thank you. For listening and helping. I know you said you would and all but… I don’t think I would be attempting to talk to him again so soon if I closed myself away with just my thoughts.”

“I’m happy to help you, Rae,” the halfling says, meaning it with all his heart.