Post by Jaezred Vandree on Oct 18, 2024 14:20:02 GMT
Jaezred barely notices the sound of the doors swinging open. He has been sitting on the sofa and staring blankly into space for gods-know-how-long, and it isn’t until Imryll walks into his view that he registers her presence in the room.
“I’m sorry, are you lost? The mouldy dungeon is over that way,” he says, smiling pensively.
She seems to note the expression on his face but answers in kind. “My thoughts precisely. So what are you doing out of your pit and messing up my furniture?”
He chuckles and stands up to kiss her, which she returns before dropping dramatically onto the sofa in an exaggerated pose of suffering, arm draped over her head in feigned despair. “You would not believe the day I’ve had! Pixies and goblins squabbling over the rights to sacred treasures that amounted to a couple of pieces of costume jewellery, another meeting with the lich dinner party who are talking about adding a new member to their games, and worst of all…I never got to finish my lunch because a baby worm had managed to escape from one of the menageries downstairs and fell into the lake.”
“Mmhm, mmhm.” Jaezred nods along to her moaning as he puts her feet on his lap and begins massaging.
Imryll peeks at him from under her arm and pouts. “Fan me, pit creature. Ease my woes and distract my troubled mind — what petty matters beset you?”
He pauses at her question, hesitating for a second. “I… Ah, I’ve just been thinking about Rae again.” Blushing with embarrassment, he looks away. Three years into their relationship and he still finds it hard to talk about his feelings with her sometimes. “I would like to go visit them in New Hillborrow, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why not? I think I’m overdue for a picnic at any rate…”
“Perhaps later, my love. We’ve agreed to keep our distance for now. I do not wish to interrupt their ‘healing process’, or whatever Sarin would call it.” Jaezred sighs and his head falls back on the sofa backrest. “I’ve not been a good…father figure to them.”
The words sound choked coming out from his mouth, and even now they prick on his tongue like a phantom wound.
Imryll perks her head up and gives him a quizzical look. “How so?”
“Aside from me yelling at them when they needed me most? They told me that I’d gotten too emotionally invested in their capacity to do good in the world and they couldn’t cope with the pressure. Of course, I never meant to stress them out…” He rolls his head to one side to look at the spring eladrin. “I fear I am simply not made for this role. I mean, I haven’t the faintest idea what a good father looks like. Oziah, Delilah, Zola, Keros, and I — we were all cursed with the worst.”
She relaxes back into the sofa. “Oh, is that it? I was worried it was serious for a moment…” She turns her body and stares up at the ceiling. “Do you really think you’re the first person to shout at someone when they maybe needed a hug instead? To get too invested in someone else’s actions? To stress out someone you care about? I hate to break it to you, dear pit creature, but that is basically what being a parent is… How were you too invested?”
Jaezred throws his hands up. “I don’t know. I suppose I’d been disappointed with them when they did all that nonsense with the cursed diary. But it’s only because they were ruining their own life!”
He groans softly and falls quiet for a moment when a stray thought wanders into his mind. “…What was your father like?”
Imryll pouts and jabs him in the ribs with her toe, prompting the massage to continue before answering. “Oh, you know… The stereotypical terrible father. Always working, screamed at me when I cut my hair short, always wanted me to go into work in the family business rather than follow my dreams, missed my birthday…”
Jaezred frowns as he listens and kneads her foot. “But your hair looks perfect now. And he wanted you to be…a peasant farmer?”
“No, dear. What he considered the family business was trades, especially with those from the Prime Material Plane who didn’t know any better. He was just useless at it, so we also defaulted to having a stable form of work. Ironic, really, that I sometimes arrange deals between others, now that I think about it…”
“Ah, I see. He might not have been your reason for leaving, but he certainly didn’t make it seem enticing to stay either. And I can’t imagine he would approve of his daughter being with someone like me.” Jaezred gives another sigh. “By the gods, is anyone spared from this curse? How do we ever hope to be good parents when none of us had good parents?”
Imryll looks at him again and her face takes on a serious expression, her bright green eyes boring into his. “I say those things because they are true, dear, but I wouldn’t have changed him for anything. He had flaws, yes, but then — excluding me, of course — who doesn’t? I have many good memories with him still. His failed attempts at becoming a dealmaker made life hard, yes, but it gave me my first experience with casting magic when”—she chuckles at the memory as she sits up—“he brought home a crystalised spell he had finally managed to extract from some idiot, thinking some glowing algae water would solve all his problems. I stole it to play with it, not realising what it was, and accidentally blew up the shed… He was so angry because the whole thing was invisible and we could never find the door again to fix it back. Or, how he helped me practise teleportation magic by turning them into a game of hide and seek; he hated the idea of us getting stuck somewhere we didn’t want to be, so every time he was home, he would have some new game to play… We argued, butted heads, disagreed on most things, but I never once felt like I wasn’t loved or cared for. If I did, leaving would have been far easier than it was. We were just…different.”
She sits up further and takes her legs back, crossing them under her as she leans closer to Jaezred. “You have not been punishing those two idiots needlessly, or abusing them, taking your anger out on them. You just were being stupid, dear. That doesn’t mean you’ve ruined them or your relationship, it just means you need to learn their boundaries too.”
For a while, Jaezred is quiet, his eyebrows knitted together in thought. His time with his own father couldn’t have been all bad, too — he has a vague feeling of that being true. But unlike her, the horrible moments cast such a vast shadow in his mind that he cannot recall a single specific happy memory. He can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy.
“Right, so what you’re saying is that your father didn’t learn your boundaries…?” he says slowly.
“No. What I’m saying is, you are not flawless. You messed up and upset them, but by your own admission, it came from good intentions, yes? So learn from it. Handle things differently. You have to remember, they are their own people, with their own intentions, motives, thoughts, ideals, desires… You are never going to have them work the way you want them to, so guide them instead. Sometimes that means backing off and letting them find their own way. Look at it this way: if someone were to begin chiding you, nagging you relentlessly, calling for you to do something a certain way or outright being spiteful or cruel to get you to do something, are you more likely to listen to them, or want to — in the nicest way possible — tell them to fuck off? Upsetting them, being overbearing, stressing them out… None of those things makes a bad parent. Not adjusting your expectations and realising they are their own people, and continuing to do so regardless of their feelings — that does. You’re already here questioning it and feeling bad. So maybe you’re not as bad as you think?”
He purses his lips. Imryll is making a fair point. And if it’s true that hurting one’s child by accident is something that all parents do regardless, then…perhaps he wasn’t turning into his father after all.
Perhaps he never will, as long as he reflects on his mistakes like he’s doing now.
“Maybe you’re right…” Jaezred says. “But you speak as if I’m going to continue to foster Rae. No, I think that ship has left the harbour. I just hope that…if I ever do spawn an offspring, I wouldn’t fail them like I did Rae.”
She cocks an eyebrow. “Just Rae? My dear, I meant for all of them.”
“Eh?”
“How many people do you think you ‘play parent’ with?”
A heat rapidly crawls up Jaezred’s neck. “Wh— What are you saying? It’s only Rae who’s ever been attached to me like that!”
“From their side, yes… But what about everyone else? Why do you think Nicnevin put you in charge of those three living in the Snail Hotel? Or anyone else around the Witching Court for that matter? Zola, your friends, the adventurers you keep getting involved with. They may not all feel the same, and you may have slightly different intentions each time, but you can’t seriously think you’ve never tried to guide any of them, to counsel or support in some way… Why, between the two of us, I’d say we are at least up to several thousand ‘children’ we are wrangling, if you want to be maybe a little generous with the definition. Even Killian was to Eric, in his own bizarre way.”
“You cannot seriously be claiming that offering guidance or counsel to another is ‘playing parent’ to them. I mean — Zola Rhomdaen? That’s disgusting. I reject your premise!”
Imryll shrugs. “It’s all the same skillset, dear. Just because you didn’t see yourself that way and this one felt more personal doesn’t take away from that. And it doesn’t take away from what I said earlier either — you’re here sitting and thinking about it, feeling bad. That’s already a sign you’re not just another terrible parent that doesn’t care for their children.”
The drow lord lets out a long exhale, calming down from his outburst. “Yes. You’re right. And so do you…” He coughs. “Do you think I could be a good father? Someday in the future?”
“Jaezred, being a good mother or father is subjective. You could have every good intention, do your absolute best to protect, nurture, and care for your children, and they still blame you for everything. What matters is that you are there for them and you care. You guide them, but let them be their own person, make their own mistakes, and earn their own victories… Sometimes you need to spoonfeed them and sometimes you just need to be present. Do I think you could be a good father one day? No, but only because you already are.”
She kisses him on his forehead and her hand caresses his face, cupping his chin in her gentle hands as she smiles a loving smile, her eyes meeting his. “Now switch feet. The right one is feeling left out.”
Jaezred smiles back and leans into her touch, relief and comfort flooding into his body at last. “Thank you.”
He needed to hear that. To marry Lady Imryll and start a family with her — in truth, that is the one thing he’s been striving towards since he joined the Witching Court.
Obediently, he takes up her right foot and begins massaging it. “Earlier you said you didn’t get to finish your lunch, yes? We have to correct this grave error soon. Now tell me what you want to eat…”
Co-written with Anthony
“I’m sorry, are you lost? The mouldy dungeon is over that way,” he says, smiling pensively.
She seems to note the expression on his face but answers in kind. “My thoughts precisely. So what are you doing out of your pit and messing up my furniture?”
He chuckles and stands up to kiss her, which she returns before dropping dramatically onto the sofa in an exaggerated pose of suffering, arm draped over her head in feigned despair. “You would not believe the day I’ve had! Pixies and goblins squabbling over the rights to sacred treasures that amounted to a couple of pieces of costume jewellery, another meeting with the lich dinner party who are talking about adding a new member to their games, and worst of all…I never got to finish my lunch because a baby worm had managed to escape from one of the menageries downstairs and fell into the lake.”
“Mmhm, mmhm.” Jaezred nods along to her moaning as he puts her feet on his lap and begins massaging.
Imryll peeks at him from under her arm and pouts. “Fan me, pit creature. Ease my woes and distract my troubled mind — what petty matters beset you?”
He pauses at her question, hesitating for a second. “I… Ah, I’ve just been thinking about Rae again.” Blushing with embarrassment, he looks away. Three years into their relationship and he still finds it hard to talk about his feelings with her sometimes. “I would like to go visit them in New Hillborrow, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why not? I think I’m overdue for a picnic at any rate…”
“Perhaps later, my love. We’ve agreed to keep our distance for now. I do not wish to interrupt their ‘healing process’, or whatever Sarin would call it.” Jaezred sighs and his head falls back on the sofa backrest. “I’ve not been a good…father figure to them.”
The words sound choked coming out from his mouth, and even now they prick on his tongue like a phantom wound.
Imryll perks her head up and gives him a quizzical look. “How so?”
“Aside from me yelling at them when they needed me most? They told me that I’d gotten too emotionally invested in their capacity to do good in the world and they couldn’t cope with the pressure. Of course, I never meant to stress them out…” He rolls his head to one side to look at the spring eladrin. “I fear I am simply not made for this role. I mean, I haven’t the faintest idea what a good father looks like. Oziah, Delilah, Zola, Keros, and I — we were all cursed with the worst.”
She relaxes back into the sofa. “Oh, is that it? I was worried it was serious for a moment…” She turns her body and stares up at the ceiling. “Do you really think you’re the first person to shout at someone when they maybe needed a hug instead? To get too invested in someone else’s actions? To stress out someone you care about? I hate to break it to you, dear pit creature, but that is basically what being a parent is… How were you too invested?”
Jaezred throws his hands up. “I don’t know. I suppose I’d been disappointed with them when they did all that nonsense with the cursed diary. But it’s only because they were ruining their own life!”
He groans softly and falls quiet for a moment when a stray thought wanders into his mind. “…What was your father like?”
Imryll pouts and jabs him in the ribs with her toe, prompting the massage to continue before answering. “Oh, you know… The stereotypical terrible father. Always working, screamed at me when I cut my hair short, always wanted me to go into work in the family business rather than follow my dreams, missed my birthday…”
Jaezred frowns as he listens and kneads her foot. “But your hair looks perfect now. And he wanted you to be…a peasant farmer?”
“No, dear. What he considered the family business was trades, especially with those from the Prime Material Plane who didn’t know any better. He was just useless at it, so we also defaulted to having a stable form of work. Ironic, really, that I sometimes arrange deals between others, now that I think about it…”
“Ah, I see. He might not have been your reason for leaving, but he certainly didn’t make it seem enticing to stay either. And I can’t imagine he would approve of his daughter being with someone like me.” Jaezred gives another sigh. “By the gods, is anyone spared from this curse? How do we ever hope to be good parents when none of us had good parents?”
Imryll looks at him again and her face takes on a serious expression, her bright green eyes boring into his. “I say those things because they are true, dear, but I wouldn’t have changed him for anything. He had flaws, yes, but then — excluding me, of course — who doesn’t? I have many good memories with him still. His failed attempts at becoming a dealmaker made life hard, yes, but it gave me my first experience with casting magic when”—she chuckles at the memory as she sits up—“he brought home a crystalised spell he had finally managed to extract from some idiot, thinking some glowing algae water would solve all his problems. I stole it to play with it, not realising what it was, and accidentally blew up the shed… He was so angry because the whole thing was invisible and we could never find the door again to fix it back. Or, how he helped me practise teleportation magic by turning them into a game of hide and seek; he hated the idea of us getting stuck somewhere we didn’t want to be, so every time he was home, he would have some new game to play… We argued, butted heads, disagreed on most things, but I never once felt like I wasn’t loved or cared for. If I did, leaving would have been far easier than it was. We were just…different.”
She sits up further and takes her legs back, crossing them under her as she leans closer to Jaezred. “You have not been punishing those two idiots needlessly, or abusing them, taking your anger out on them. You just were being stupid, dear. That doesn’t mean you’ve ruined them or your relationship, it just means you need to learn their boundaries too.”
For a while, Jaezred is quiet, his eyebrows knitted together in thought. His time with his own father couldn’t have been all bad, too — he has a vague feeling of that being true. But unlike her, the horrible moments cast such a vast shadow in his mind that he cannot recall a single specific happy memory. He can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy.
“Right, so what you’re saying is that your father didn’t learn your boundaries…?” he says slowly.
“No. What I’m saying is, you are not flawless. You messed up and upset them, but by your own admission, it came from good intentions, yes? So learn from it. Handle things differently. You have to remember, they are their own people, with their own intentions, motives, thoughts, ideals, desires… You are never going to have them work the way you want them to, so guide them instead. Sometimes that means backing off and letting them find their own way. Look at it this way: if someone were to begin chiding you, nagging you relentlessly, calling for you to do something a certain way or outright being spiteful or cruel to get you to do something, are you more likely to listen to them, or want to — in the nicest way possible — tell them to fuck off? Upsetting them, being overbearing, stressing them out… None of those things makes a bad parent. Not adjusting your expectations and realising they are their own people, and continuing to do so regardless of their feelings — that does. You’re already here questioning it and feeling bad. So maybe you’re not as bad as you think?”
He purses his lips. Imryll is making a fair point. And if it’s true that hurting one’s child by accident is something that all parents do regardless, then…perhaps he wasn’t turning into his father after all.
Perhaps he never will, as long as he reflects on his mistakes like he’s doing now.
“Maybe you’re right…” Jaezred says. “But you speak as if I’m going to continue to foster Rae. No, I think that ship has left the harbour. I just hope that…if I ever do spawn an offspring, I wouldn’t fail them like I did Rae.”
She cocks an eyebrow. “Just Rae? My dear, I meant for all of them.”
“Eh?”
“How many people do you think you ‘play parent’ with?”
A heat rapidly crawls up Jaezred’s neck. “Wh— What are you saying? It’s only Rae who’s ever been attached to me like that!”
“From their side, yes… But what about everyone else? Why do you think Nicnevin put you in charge of those three living in the Snail Hotel? Or anyone else around the Witching Court for that matter? Zola, your friends, the adventurers you keep getting involved with. They may not all feel the same, and you may have slightly different intentions each time, but you can’t seriously think you’ve never tried to guide any of them, to counsel or support in some way… Why, between the two of us, I’d say we are at least up to several thousand ‘children’ we are wrangling, if you want to be maybe a little generous with the definition. Even Killian was to Eric, in his own bizarre way.”
“You cannot seriously be claiming that offering guidance or counsel to another is ‘playing parent’ to them. I mean — Zola Rhomdaen? That’s disgusting. I reject your premise!”
Imryll shrugs. “It’s all the same skillset, dear. Just because you didn’t see yourself that way and this one felt more personal doesn’t take away from that. And it doesn’t take away from what I said earlier either — you’re here sitting and thinking about it, feeling bad. That’s already a sign you’re not just another terrible parent that doesn’t care for their children.”
The drow lord lets out a long exhale, calming down from his outburst. “Yes. You’re right. And so do you…” He coughs. “Do you think I could be a good father? Someday in the future?”
“Jaezred, being a good mother or father is subjective. You could have every good intention, do your absolute best to protect, nurture, and care for your children, and they still blame you for everything. What matters is that you are there for them and you care. You guide them, but let them be their own person, make their own mistakes, and earn their own victories… Sometimes you need to spoonfeed them and sometimes you just need to be present. Do I think you could be a good father one day? No, but only because you already are.”
She kisses him on his forehead and her hand caresses his face, cupping his chin in her gentle hands as she smiles a loving smile, her eyes meeting his. “Now switch feet. The right one is feeling left out.”
Jaezred smiles back and leans into her touch, relief and comfort flooding into his body at last. “Thank you.”
He needed to hear that. To marry Lady Imryll and start a family with her — in truth, that is the one thing he’s been striving towards since he joined the Witching Court.
Obediently, he takes up her right foot and begins massaging it. “Earlier you said you didn’t get to finish your lunch, yes? We have to correct this grave error soon. Now tell me what you want to eat…”
Co-written with Anthony