Deal or Fey Deal - 03/09/2024 - Archie’s Extracts

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On Feywild Auctions

I recently took part in an auction in the Feywild. The auction was run by Gobbo Gobbison of the Goblin Market. The Goblin Market had recently come into possession of an estate. Many items were available to bid on during the estate sale, some definitely more valuable than others.

The items at auction had a remarkably wide breadth of value amongst them. But more noteworthy, I found, was the breadth of value between the different currencies being accepted during each bid. This being the Feywild, bargaining or trade was not made with coins or gems. The chosen currencies at the estate sale were; teeth, number of seconds you can hold your breath, years of your life, toenail clippings, nights of rest, buttons, height in inches, stubbing of toes through the course of a year, hair, childhood memories, future friends you might make, future success in an endeavour, clothing, magical energy and levels of injury you might accept. If you are reading this, you might find some of the currencies horrifying and some quite banal. This indeed was a wide spectrum.

Years of one’s life and future success were currencies I absolutely refuse to bargain with. Despite the questionable value of toenail clippings (and teeth, and also buttons); these are at least more familiar in the sense that they are material goods.

To what benefit do these currencies serve, one might ask? I can only surmise that teeth may be a magical component for certain spells. Perhaps this is true of toenail clippings, too? Buttons, one presumes only have their intended value.
However, the more abstract and conceptual bidded goods, e.g. years of life, one can see the benefits quite readily.

The necromantic spell used to obtain years of a person’s life was fascinating, but counter productive towards my goal of humanoid lifespan extension at a population level. The spell extracted life from one person, to presumably at a later date give to another person. So, if you extract from one person of the population to give to another, you are not increasing longevity at a population level. You are in fact only increasing longevity for some at the expense of others who suffer a decrease (one would hope in a given example, the individuals trading their longevity have hopefully, at least, traded years for an immediate benefit).
Wither and Bloom, was the spell cast, I believe. It is hard to confirm though, as this spell, though not considered to require the highest of magical acumen to study, has escaped the learning gaze of us arcane scholars, shockingly more so than, say, the near impossible to master, and exhaustive spells like, Wish.

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On Bargaining Safely in the Feywild

Whether intending to spend coins or a more unusual currency, be wise to the following proverb:

A fool and his money are soon parted.

A rather aggressively posturing elf foolishly bid seven hundred years of his remaining life to outbid everyone else for a Scroll of Tarrasque Summoning. There was no need for the man to bid so high, with the closest rival bid being less than twenty years. The bravado and posturing, and sheer stupidity was breathtaking… certainly and unfortunately so for the man himself who turned to dust when the auctioneer’s assistant extracted the bidded years from the man’s life!

A less horrifying example of questionable decision making came from a tabaxi lady who bid on what was called an Emperor’s Robe and was described by the auctioneer through the most dishonest of smiles as being woven from the finest spider’s silk in the underdark. Supposedly said garment was hanging on the displayed clothes hanger and the garment garment was nigh-invisible to the eye. The garment was in fact entirely invisible because it was non-existent! I tried to point this out, and it was not the first time my voiced observations were skillfully dismissed by the auctioner, and consequently ignored by the auctioneers. The poor tabaxi lady confidently won the false item having traded nearly all the fur on her head! I do not believe she will feel too pleased with her purchase for long.

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The Auctioneer Adventuring Team

Archie Haltuhr (Dr.) - Despite not approving much of the currencies being used in the auction, I did come away with an item I’m most happy with, and was happy to bid ‘currency’ for. The item is a fine Chest of Preserving, which fits quite snuggly in the main compartment of my Handy Haversack.
Items of clothing were the currency bid. The pair of socks I wore that day were my winning bid.
Before handing over the ‘money’ I cast Prestidigitation to freshen up the socks and give them the small hint of the scent of roses. I did not inquire with the attendant who took them why they felt the cleaning of the socks ruined them…

Finnegan Hilltopple - The young, confident halfling bard came away from the estate sale with quite the bargain of goods. An Orb of Time, a Portal Compass, a Dread Helm, and a Sky Rock from the Plane of Air, which he has given to Mendal in case it proves useful as a magic component in crafting a magical item. Splendid!
I was also glad to see Finn visit our friend Mendal, because Finn had bargained exhaustion for the Orb of Time, and a good night's rest, though not comparable to years of one’s life, is still not something I myself would bargain with.

Ronkk - The bardic goliath and one time student of Mendal also did well at the auction. Ronkk came away with a Dragon Vessel, a Potion by Killian, and a pair of Blast Goggles. Ronkk surprisingly, and very craftily traded the inch height of the soles of his shoes to bid the highest value of height to obtain the goggles. I worry what damage Ronkk might do with those goggles. But, more worrying than this to me, was when I explained to him what I had discovered about the potion from Dr. Killian. I told Ronkk there was a one in fifty chance that consuming the potion would alter his height, and that if this possibility arose, it could go either way; either an increase in height or a decrease. I worry that with every attempt I made to explain to Ronkk why even the initial low odds should not be taken for granted, I somehow managed to instead excite him towards drinking the potion with every attempt to steer him away from doing so.
With Ronkk there was also the matter of five teeth removed without painkillers and then later a beating… Ronkk is a curious mixture of foolishness and nobleness.

Yinmaris Lathrana - my Eladrin bard friend (I found myself the odd one out in this party! As the non-bardically inclined) successfully bid on a weapon previously owned by a warrior of the Wild Hunt. I know how displeased by the Wild Hunt Yinmaris is, so I was pleased he managed to keep the auctioned magical weapon out of the hands of the Wild Hunt further. I could, I suspected, have easily out bid him for the item, as the bidding currency was magical energy, but I have no desire to posture like a certain elf who won the Scroll of Tarrasque Summoning for all it was worth to him in the end.

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Clone Status Update

33 days left until maturation. Progress continues as expected.

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