Ronkk the Raise Dead-er

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Present day.



Ronkk was sitting alone on his claimed sofa, in the home of Mittens and Yinmarris. They were busy bustling around the kitchen, talking between themselves about what spice would be best for the dish they were fixated upon. Ronkk wasn't interested in this subject. Nor, actually, anything much at the moment. He looked down at the 3 headed bull brand on his palm.

Ronkk: "Stoopid Keros's'es, since you came along, I'm fuckin' knackered all the time."

Feeling a little melancholy, he lounged back and started having deep thoughts. Deep for Ronkk at any rate. He thought back to his last few fights. Summoning a giant version of his buddy Reginald to help in a scrap. Reginald who was currently asleep wrapped around Ronkks left ankle stirred a little.

Ronkk: "Ain't gonna let nuffink 'appen to you buddy. You big and strong now, like me! Plus, I can like, bring stuff back to life and shit now!"

Ronkk remembered using this new power to help a fallen Leonida, though, it had been his first time, and not the tidiest job. 'Bits' were difficult to find, and Ronkk had found trying to put them back in order rather challenging.

Ronkk: "Should probably get a bit better at that really... wot was it Mendal taught me?"



A few weeks earlier.



Following on from a frantic Ronkk banging on the door of Mendal’s home to help revive a fallen Safire, Ronkk had somewhat agreed for both Mendal and himself that he would begin training the following morning to learn the Raise Dead spell.

Despite Ronkk basically telling a rather unimpressed Mendal that his training WOULD begin the following morning, Ronkk overslept. He wakes knowing there is somewhere he should be, and suddenly remembers.

Ronkk: "Bollocks."

He grabs his things, and runs out of the door in the direction of Mendal's home.

BANG BANG BANG!

Ronkk: "MENDAL!...... MENDAL!...... MEEEEEENDAAAAAALLLL!"

In the courtyard of the building, an elderly human wizard and a dwarf cleric sat by a table, lounging the remaining hours of the morning away. One reading and taking notes, the other waiting.

Archie: "From the sounds of it, that would be your Raise The Dead student."

Mendal: "That would be the PLONKER - finally! It's good he's getting my name right now though."

Mendal got up and walked to the front door, where the banging was, of course, much louder. Before opening the door, Mendal put his right hand's index and middle fingers to his temple and casted a Sending spell.

Mendal: "STOP BLOODY BANGING! I'm opening the door!"

The banging stops. Mendal can hear some confused noises from the other side of the door, before a muffled voice says:

Ronkk: "Hello? ................God?"

The door opens to reveal Mendal staring contemptuously up at the goliath.

Mendal: "... I'm flattered you think your god sounds like me. But come on! That's more than twice now I've used the Sending spell to shout into your head. If you want to learn the Raise the Dead spell, let's get you up to speed with some other spells, like, for example the Sending spell. Fuck me, let's get you up to speed with how the Feather Fall spell works, you mad bastard! You won't be raising anyone from the dead if you jump off of a high point again and you're out of range of the person casting Feather Fall!"

Mendal was not impressed with Ronkk's tardiness, nor his loud banging at the door. In fact, Mendal wasn't very impressed with Ronkk, period.

Ronkk looks a little embarrassed for a fraction of a second, before a big grin spreads over his face.

Ronkk: "Yeah! Well I knew that was Sendin' and stuff, I just weren't ready for it s'all. Besides, I dun believe in any particular God. As fer the feather fall, I 'ad a plan. Coulda just misty stepped myself at the last second. Perfect landin' innit."

Ronkk looks very pleased with himself, before clearing his throat.

Ronkk: "Anyways... MEN-dal..."

Mendal picks up on the fact that Ronkk is again looking very impressed with himself at correctly pronouncing his name at last.

Ronkk: "You ready to teach me to do the fing with the life coming backsies an all?"

It's clear Ronkk is very excited, and is actually looking at Mendal with a new look of earnest willing.

Ronkk: "Oh, I brought you this too!"

Ronkk reaches into his pouch to reveal a fresh fish.

Ronkk: "Caught it last night after all the rezirecting, though you might like it"

Ronkk holds out a green fish with copper bands expectantly.

Mendal looks at the fish.

Mendal: "I do like fish."

Mendal kept looking at the fish as a few things came to mind. First of them was not to mention how dumb Ronkk's Misty Step idea sounded to him... it would only result in an argument on the doorstep, one that would likely piss off the entire street. Secondly, the fish could be useful for the purpose of instruction... even without the right, and very costly, spell component! Mendal finally looked up at the grinning goliath properly. The look of a puppy pleased to have done something correctly, and the gift, won Mendal over.

Mendal: "Alright Ronkk. Get in here. Follow me."

Ronkk tenses up, all his limb curling up to his core, then suddenly he erupts outwards with a loud giggle, and bounds up the stairs and through the front door.

Ronkk: "AHA HEE HEE HEE HYEAH! …right I brough' a book t'make notes in... well a page... well a napkin. I brough' an'oly symbol, 'cept I dun' really do 'oly stuff, so it's just my braclet wiv one of Reginald's scales in. I brought snacks, well, a fish, but you know tha', uhhh... what else. OH! I got Reginald himself 'ere.”

Ronkk holds out his little obsidian statue of a black dragon.

Ronkk: "REGINALD!"

A small black dragon wyrmling appears sat on the floor with a pop!

Ronkk: "Uhhh... fink tha's it... Anyfink else I need?"

Ronkk stares at Mendal expectantly and eagerly.

Mendal places one hand on a knee to lean down a little, the other waving at the very young dragon.

Mendal: "I bet he barely spends any time in the Dragon Court heh? No acid breath in here!" Mendal points at Reginald, and then back at Ronkk.

Reginald, excited to see Mendal again gives a little tail/booty wag, and settles down to watch the interaction.

Ronkk: "Nah mate, Reginald has good etiquette innit!"

The green fish with copper bands was placed on a chopping board on the kitchen table. Ronkk and Mendal stood next to it. Reginald was allowed to sit near the kitchen counter in order to get a good view of what the two adventurers were doing.

Mendal: "Right. I've got no idea how you magic-music types can raise the dead without divine magic. But I've heard it's possible and it’s surely the same bloody spell no matter the source of the magic."

Mendal produced a pair of fist-sized rock-crystals and put them on the table near the fish.

Mendal: "These are entirely the wrong spell components to raise the dead. But I suspect we should be able to cast the spell correctly with these diamond substitutes, regardless. The difference is, the spell won't work, but we should know whether the actual casting part did work, at least that's what I reckon."

Mendal paused looking up at the goliath face opposite him, and with the resigned expectation that he'd hear the opposite of the truth, asked:

Mendal: "Do you follow me?"

Ronkk: "Well like, I followed you into this kitchen… tha' what you mean? Also, if it helps-"

Ronkk takes his pouch off his belt and with a loud clatter, plonks it on the counter. Mendal can see several large diamonds spill out of the opening. At least 5.

Ronkk: "I bought a few of these after I saw you use one yesterday, thought it might be important?"

Mendal stared at the five large diamonds on the table open mouthed.

Mendal: "Moradin's balls! I don't believe it! Hahaha!"

Mendal's voice and clapping hands thundered around the kitchen.

Mendal: "Bloody hell, Ronkk! Well done. This was unexpected. I've got to say, I'm really quite proud of you. Haha!"

Ronkk looks rather taken aback at Mendal's compliment with the word 'plonker' notably absent from the end of it.

Ronkk: "Err, yeah, cheers Mendal. I came into a bit of luck wiv money recently, just had to pull a card from a deck, and suddenly whoa! Loaded.

Loadsa people made a big song and dance bout these cards, but honestly, was pretty easy. Nuffin' to it eh? I mean one guy had to fight death, but whatever. Now I got diamonds. Anyways..."

Ronkk takes a diamond and slides it across the table towards Mendal.

Ronkk: "Wot's next?"

The dwarf closed his eyes tight. "Those cards were the notoriously dangerous Deck of Many Things - don't ask him".

Mendal: "So…"

Mendal picked up the diamond.

Mendal: "You don't really want to actually use this, do you? On a fish?"

Ronkk: "Well like, di'n you use one to rezy-fy Safire? Isn' it wot the spell needs? Thought tha’s wot Kalla said. Like, I gotta learn to do it all proper like yeah? If your lil' rocks will work, then we can use them, but if not, it's wot I bought 'em fer!"

Mendal: "Hmmmmmmm."

Mendal did not like to waste money, his or his friends. But then he considered how one very lucky goliath came across a fortune.

Mendal: "You know what? Fuck it! Let's do it for real - you've got diamonds to spare."

Mendal slid the diamond back to Ronkk, and picked up one of his rock-crystals.

Mendal: "Right!"

Mendal held the rock crystal between his palms, ready to crush it with divine magic.

Mendal: "I'll be repeating this for your benefit several times before we go through the real thing; always use a real diamond worth at least 500gp, ask how long the body's been dead - more than 10 days and it can't be done. Oh and body parts... that's a good point. Wait a second..."

Mendal went off to fetch a kitchen knife. He brought it back to the table, and then cut the fish into quarters.

Mendal: "Right!"

Mendal pointed at the newly cut up fish.

Mendal: "Probably the most important thing - put all the body parts close together before casting the spell. Don't make work hard for yourself, and the person being raised will appreciate having all their parts intact…if possible. And here's a little important rhyme for you; if there's no head; don't raise from the dead! Got it?"

Ronkk: " 'spensive diamond's only. More than 10 days... fuck 'em. Put chunks close before doin' the magics. No 'ead, dun' raise from the dead!"

Ronkk repeats this back with surprising accuracy. It appears he is genuinely paying close attention to everything going on. Mendal notes a small vein has appeared on Ronkk's forehead, bulging as the goliath stares intensely at every action Mendal makes.

Ronkk: "Out of interest... wot 'appens if there is bits missin'? Like, less important fings than the 'ead, or they too far away? Does it jus' not work? Or do weird, evil zombyish fings 'appen?"

Mendal shrugs.

Mendal: "Well. If you leave someone's arm off when it's only 10ft away, you'll bring the person back from the dead, and they'll thank you. But then they'll see their arm and ask why you didn't reattach it when you managed to heal every other wound they had! No zombie bollocks will happen. But sloppy work! Funnily enough, it requires much more magic if you want to regenerate missing parts on a living creature. Anyway!"

Mendal shakes his head. It was time to get back on point.

Medal: "Big diamond, 10 days tops, put parts together, no head; no raise from dead. You've got it. Good! One more thing..."

Mendal hovered his hands over the quartered fish.

Mendal: "See how close my hands are to the fish? When the healing starts, it's good to be close to direct the healing. But don't get so close your fingers end up healed into the corpse. It'll look really stupid, and if I hear later that you did that like a plonker; I'll set you on fire."

Ronkk looks amused. Mendal is unsure if Ronkk is thinking about having a fish fused to his hand, or at the thought of a fire related scrap with Mendal.

Ronkk: "Ok. So no zombies, just unarmed, close, but no touchy?"

The vein bulges a bit more.

Ronkk: "Got it! Wot's next?"

Mendal: "Your head alright?"

Mendal squints his eyes to focus on the goliath's altering head vein.

Ronkk looks surprised at the question.

Ronkk: "My 'ead? Yeah. S'fine... is... yours... ok? ...is... this... is this part o' the spell?"

Ronkk looks confused, the vein pulses more.

Mendal: "... should be fine. Nevermind."

Mendal wasn't himself convinced. Maybe if they just got on with the spell, Ronkk's head would calm down, at least this was what Mendal reasoned. Mendal pointed at the diamond in Ronkk's hands.

Mendal: "Right. Well. Let's do this."

Ronkk: "Righto!"

Ronkk turns to stand directly next to Mendal facing the fish, the diamond clutched in his fist, glancing sideways to see what Mendal does so that he can follow his movements.

Mendal: “Right!”

He took Ronk through the process, step by step. First came the casting of the spell, which Mendal liked to start off with a prayer to Moradin, the god who has blessed him with the power to raise the dead. In Ronkk's case, a prayer seemed redundant if there was no god involved.

Mendal: "Say something that shows gratitude if you haven't got a prayer to say."

Next, as the spell consumed the large diamond during the casting, Mendal demonstrated how he hovers his hands over the wounds of the body to better direct the healing energy into the corpse. Mendal took the time to remind Ronkk of an important point:

Mendal: "Don't get your fingers caught in the wounds as they heal!"

Finally, Mendal demonstrated how he finished the spell by holding one hand over the corpse's head and the other over the chest, and then let the healing energy finish flowing into these areas of the body, bringing the person's soul back inside.

Mendal: "...and then hey presto! You've risen someone back from the dead. Now you're a legend!"

Mendal looked up at his unlikely student.

Mendal: "Want to try it on the fish now?"

Ronkk looks impressed... and nervous.

Ronkk: "Errr... yeah, alright."

Ronkk takes a deep breath. He'd seen how Mendal had used divine energy to crush diamonds in his hands. Ronkk didn't know how to do this.

Ronkk: "Wait a second!"

Ronkk pulls out a small twig, and swishing it through the air like a conductor, a small, glowing purple, spectral viol appeared behind him and began playing a long, drawn out, screeching note. The diamond in Ronkk’s palm quivered. The note got louder. It quivers more. Louder! CRACK! The diamond suddenly split down the middle, before exploding into purple glowing dust, matching the viol's hazy glow.

Ronkk: "Fuck yeah!"

Next Ronkk held his palms now coated in the purple energy over the fish, side eyeing Mendal for any adjustments required. Ronkk made an obvious and slightly exaggerated effort to keep his hands away from touching the fish. Mendal see's what appears to be Ronkk honestly applying himself and what he'd been taught. Dare he say it, he was... focused!?

Ronkk: "So far so good? Now... erm... wot do you do with the glowey hand shit? Just hold it over'em? Or do you have to fink about stuff? Or do anyfink?

Mendal was delighted to find himself impressed.

Mendal: "Doing good Ronkk! Will that purple glow into the fish - you can get a bit closer with the hands - should start bringing the fish quarters back together."

Ronkk does as instructed, and is utterly gobsmacked as he internally yells: "GO BACK TOGETHER FISH!" ...and the pieces begin to actually fuse. He watches the purple energy move from his hands, to the wounds. Like a needle and thread, the purple stream appears to knit the fish back into its entirety. At last, the energy flow stops, the glow around the fish dissipates, and Ronkk and Mendal are both stood there staring at it motionless on the counter.

Ronkk: "K... did I do it?"

Mendal: "Give it a second..."

The fish suddenly begins twitching, then flapping, then going into a full blown dry splashing attack on the counter.

Ronkk: "FUCK YEAH! I DID IT!"

Ronkk begins jumping up and down, excited as hell! He turns suddenly and grabs both sides of Mendals head.

Ronkk: "I FUCKING DID IIIIIIT!"

Mendal grabbed hold of the forearms of Ronkk and gripped them tightly with a grin on his face.

Mendal: "YOU DID! You bafflingly competent, big bastard. WELL DONE! WELL DONE!!!"

Mendal was honestly proud, as well as stupefied by Ronkk's achievement. However, when Mendal glanced back down at the table, and saw the helpless fish out of water, he shifted focus away from the triumph that had just occurred. Mendal removed one of his hands from gripping Ronkk and pointed at the table.

Mendal: "Ronkk! Stop the poor bugger from flopping around pathetically! Grab the knife and turn it back into supper."

Ronkk: "Oh shit. Hang fire!"

Ronkk picks up the knife, and begins stabbing at the fish on the table. He tries 3 or 4 times to hit it, but the slippery thing kept flopping and flapping out of the way.

Ronkk: "Fuck it!"

Ronkk slams his fist on the fish with a large squelchy Splat!

Ronkk: "There… fish paté fer tea?"

Mendal had just witnessed Ronkk perform one of the most miraculous spells known. He had also just witnessed Ronkk fail to kill a fish on land, and resort to pounding the fish to death with his fist. Ronkk was an entertaining and baffling mystery to Mendal, not to mention annoying - fish paté was not to Mendal's taste, and not what he expected to happen to his gifted fish. Mendal voiced a suggestion.

Mendal: "How about Mr. Pockets Full of Diamonds - that's you by the way - buy me lunch instead?"

Ronkk frowns. This miraculous cleric, who lives in a nice house, drinking fine brandy, capable of performing miracles had just shot down Ronkk's offer of a fine fish paté, made by his own bare hands, that had cost him 500 gold to make. Mendal was a baffling mystery to Ronkk. Nonetheless, he managed to rearrange his face into something more pleasant. After all, Mendal had just taught him an extremely useful spell, he supposed that was worth a lunch.

Ronkk: "Yeah, probably bad luck or sumit to eat a recently reincarcerated fish or whatever. Fine. Any preference for food? You buyin'yer own drinks though. I dun'like that top shelf shit you drink."

Ronkk smears the fish remains off the counter onto the floor.

Mendal: "How nice of you to clean the table. Let's go for an early lunch now, and get you out of here before you paté anything else. I'll even buy you a beer as a celebration for mastering the Raise Dead spell."

Ronkk: "It's fer Reginald! ...Reginald. Fish."

The small dragon happily hops from his perch and starts lapping up the fish remains.

Ronkk: "Dun' worry, he'll leave it spotless. A free beer sounds good!".

Little could Reginald have known, that the sight of the cute little dragon cleaning away the fish mess, brought Mendal's fluctuating desire to set Ronkk on fire down a little.



Present day.



Ronkk smiles to himself remembering the entire encounter with Mendal. Reaching into a pocket, he produces a small, rather scrunched up napkin. On it read the following notes:

• undedin fings is hard.
  
• big dyamonds only.
  
• ded for mor dan 10 days, fuck dem.
  
• smoosh all body parts back togever.
  
• no hed, dun rays from ded.
  
• no zombees.
  
• hands close, but no tuching.
  
• ask if der hed is oroit.
  
• break dyamond wiv magics.
  
• put glowy stuff on dem and want dem to come bak.
  
• I am a legend now.

Ronkk takes his time to study his own handwriting. Once finished, he groans and smacks his hand up to his forehead.

Ronkk: "Fucks sake. I know why rezzin' Leonida was so tough now!"

Ronkk slides his hand down his face and onto his lap.

Ronkk: "I forgot to ask if their head woz alright before I started."