Call Me If You Get Lost

Henri breathes deeply, inhaling the cool morning air from his perch against a lamp post on Archelson Avenue. His eyes remain where they have been for the last little while - focused across the street, at the home of Orianna and Gerhard. The nice thing about their new place, he thinks quietly to himself, is that it's a bit easier to tell when they're home. 

A quick cast of invisibility, his scarf unfurling to wrap shimmering, concealing silver threads around his limbs, was enough for him to watch silently as Rimmon and Orianna left for Daring Academy. And now, with only a single broad-shouldered figure milling about behind the sheer curtains in their living room, he takes his first steps forward.

The rehearsal brings him to the door, his fist raised to knock. He hesitates for just a moment, the first of the autumn air catching in his throat.

And with a quick knock, he steps back from the threshold.

There is a short pause of no reply, almost enough of a pause to make Henri consider knocking again till he hears footsteps coming from within, followed by soft laughter.

"Oh gods, what is it you've forgotten this time." Gerhard's voice echoes from behind the door just as it opens. 

Gerhard stands in the doorway wearing a very comfortable and warm looking dressing gown of a beautiful forest green with silver thread forming lovely little patterns. The enjoyment on his face changes very quickly to surprise when, after a moment, he realises that it is Henri who is greeting him.

Almost subconsciously his hand raises and grabs the top of the dressing gown and pulls it even closer then it was before.

"Oh Henri, erm, good morning, where…why…what is it that I can do for you? Would you like to come in? The kettle has only just boiled if you'd like tea." Gerhard stands to one side and beckons Henri in.

"Morning, G." Henri takes a step in, his gaze meeting Gerhard's own until they are standing side by side. His eyes flick down to the dressing gown, the green, the... silver, before wandering off to look at anything else. He takes a few steps further into the house, and takes off the light coat he'd been wearing to ward off the chill.

"Some tea would be lovely, thank you. I hope I have not interrupted..?" Henri turns back to face him, an eyebrow raised in question.

"Interrupted, what, no, I don't have much planned today. I was just going to take it easy, catch up on a book or two." 

Gerhard takes a split second and then closes the door behind Henri and then leads him into the kitchen and gives him a seat at the table.

Gerhard then potters around the kitchen getting mugs ready and preparing them for tea.

"So then, why is it that I find you knocking on my door so early? Anything I can help with?"

"I need a reason to stop in and visit my best friend?" Henri folds his right leg up over his knee, leaning back in the chair with a small grin. It quickly fades, though, and he busies himself with brushing any dirt, imagined or not, from his pants. "We don't get a chance to catch up any more, just the two of us."

"No, you are right. It has been a while since the two of us just talked, but I've also never known you to be up this early. Sorry if I thought something was wrong." Gerhard lets out a small chuckle as he finishes getting the tea ready.

He walks over to the table with a cup for Henri and himself and a small collection of biscuits as well and takes a seat.

"So how has life been treating you in Daring Heights? I know it's quite different from the life we had in Waterdeep but personally I think it's a bit nicer."

Henri takes a biscuit, breaking it in two and dipping half in his tea before taking a small bite. "It's been... different. Busier of course; there's always something to do. But..."

Henri pauses to take a sip of tea, the thought trailing off to hang in midair. "I'm not surprised you're enjoying yourself here. You look well. This life... suits you."

"Oh well thank you, though to be honest I think any change in my life would have been positive. And of course I've had some help being pushed in the right direction. 

What of you? Have you met anyone of any interest lately? Well, other than those involved in the recent drama. I've been out of the loop for so long now I doubt I'd hardly know anyone anymore."

Henri looks to the side and takes a long, quiet sip of his tea. Any change would have been positive...

"Other than our little family here? Just my regulars at the Mirror. And I think I mentioned I'm learning Primordial? From Morgana Starbright." Henri shrugs, as nonchalantly as he can manage. "Nobody- Nothing serious, really."

"Oh nothing serious is all I'm going to get?" Gerhard gives out a small maybe slightly forced chuckle.

"But I'm glad that you're settling in well here. It's a great place filled with nice people and so many cool things to see and explore."

Gerhard lets out a small sigh. "Sometimes I wish I had more time to go round and explore it more. So many places just tucked down alleyways that I'll probably never see. Shame."

"Haha! Good one." Henri shakes his head in time with his chuckle, wagging a single finger.

It's after a moment passes and he realizes it was not a joke that his hand drops and his head cocks to the side in confusion. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. You - we - have nothing but time. Infinite possibilities," he inflects, waving his hand in midair, "probably includes that hole in the wall in Swampside. You can explore to your heart's content."

"But we only have a limited time as our true selves. Who knows what we would be like in 1000 years? Would we be the same people?" Gerhard looks down at his cup of tea clearly lost in this train of thought for a moment.

"Maybe it is more important to concentrate on the here, the now. On what is right in front of us and not have to worry about all the infinite possibilities that lay ahead of us." He says almost absentmindedly whilst still staring at his cup.

Henri's look of bewilderment slowly drops, and he pensively searches Gerhard's face for answers. "You almost sound... regretful. Isn't it all worth it, though? We'll be unending, undying, forever a piece of something far larger than any of us."

Henri sets his tea cup down, lowers his leg, and leans forward in his chair. "Everyone else has a limited amount of time. We're not them. We can walk the Stairs forever."

He leans back again. "We could even walk them together, if you wanted," he finishes quietly.

"Sometimes……sometimes I do think I regret it, other times I don't. Walking through the planes is amazing and the things I have seen already are beyond words but so is what I have here." Gerhard gestures around the kitchen vaguely.

"I sometimes think having a limited time might be easier, knowing that everything is finite and that it could all end in the blink of an eye. Doesn't that give life more of a meaning? That you can't take everything for granted gives you more of a reason to take the leap to try something new when the time comes and not to think that you'll just carry on and maybe do it tomorrow.

And what of our loved ones, what do I do when Orianna grows older and I stay the same, what I am meant to do when she…" He trails off, unable to finish the sentence. A couple of tears run down his face.

"But of course I'd love to walk the Staircase with you some time, there are quite a few places I think you would really enjoy seeing and it would be great to have a friend to find new places with as well."

Henri nods, listening quietly. What of our loved ones? he thinks to himself. His thoughts turn briefly to home. To Mother, long departed. To Father, to whom he might as well be too. And to the family here, in Daring Heights, that gather around this same table.

The thoughts turn to silence, and the silence is deafening.

"I'd like that. Really. It might be the only chance I get, anyway. Nobody else seems to be calling me out."

"Well the Higher Management have heightened security for all Infinite and Walkers after the Andromeda incident, they haven't been threatened like that for a while I don't think, sent a lot of shockwaves through the Staircase.

"But I am curious Henri, you say that you haven't been called on. You're not just sitting around and waiting for Pantos to tell you what to do, right?"

"What? No, no, of course not," Henri furrows his brow and shakes his head, scoffing at the notion. "But- well... every time I've tried to go myself, he's opened the doors for me! And now he says he won't until I 'understand my place', whatever that means."

Henri's hands wave more erratically as he speaks, the heat rising in his ears. "It's not that I can't open a door myself. But what am I going to do? Go alone?"

"Pantos told you to understand your place. Hmmmm, what the Hells does that mean?" Gerhard stares off into the distance for a moment pondering this.

"Maybe, maybe that is the whole point. Pantos is called the Navigator, not the Tour Guide. He is the best of the Infinite at traversing the Staircase and all of its intricacies. I won't lie, I did always wonder why the Matriarch appointed him to you. Perhaps that is what Pantos means: your place isn't to sit here and wait for someone to come to you and tell you what to do, maybe the initiative has to come from you and he will help Navigate you through whatever it is you come across.

"And don't you dare sit there and feel sorry for yourself thinking no one would go with you, you've made a whole new little family here that would all be willing to help and so would I." 

Gerhard looks to Henri "Maybe it is time that you took control of the situation, your place in the Staircase is for you to decide not for someone else to dictate to you."

Henri's eyes roll slightly at the lecture, even as he nods his head at the words. "What did I ever do without you, G." He breathes in deep through his nose, exhaling slowly through his teeth. "Maybe you're right. I'll just throw a dart at a map and open a door and... walk. But how do I find my 'role'? You got handed ‘Herald'. So far my role has just been errand boy."

"Unfortunately only you can find your role, it's not really a part of the process any of the other Infinite speak about. I guess maybe if you keep an open mind to the Staircase, and don't try to fight it, you could attune more to its whims and desires, maybe find a part of it that feels empty to occupy that space. But again that's completely theoretical, it's just going to have to be something you work out in time."

"In time." Henri lifts his eyebrows, briefly, the unspoken "Sure, G" one that Gerhard has no trouble reading on his face. Gerhard seems to acknowledge the look on Henri's face but doesn't say anything.

"You mentioned Andromeda. How is she doing?"

"Andromeda is doing well, she's almost completely healed from the accident. I have asked if she remembers what actually happened, how Magdara could have gotten the drop on her but there is quite a bit she doesn't remember. Hopefully it won't be too long till she gets it back."

"Good. Please give her my best. I regret there was not more I could have done." The sentence ends with a sip of tea. Henri sighs into the cup, quietly, and opens his mouth to say something before (maybe thinking better of it) he takes another sip, finishing the drink and setting it aside on the table. "Well, I do not want to get in the way of your morning and your... reading."

"I'll pass it on for you of course but you know she'll be very happy to see you Henri you should pay her a visit plus I think she's going a little stir crazy being stuck on the moon." Gerhard finishes his own drink and places it down.

"Oh but you don't have to go just yet, you know that you can stay as long as you want, I'm not busy today, if you want to have a proper catch up."

Henri, his hands on his knees to help rise from his chair, looks to Gerhard in surprise. But, with a small smile, he sits back down. The teapot floats by from where it had lain steaming, and a bit more tea finds its way into their cups.

©️ The Kantas Expanse MMXXIII