Minas Morgul - 02/05/2023 - A Kavel Perspective

Thicc Bois Compound - Outside Daring Heights

“A teenage white dragon who you wrestled with, and a Drow sex cult. Both are true?” I sought clarification from my fellow thicc-bro, Ivan. Ivan was confident that the people he met when he was part of a party that killed the lich Tabhak, were definitely a sex cult. These people were very attractive, it seems - sexy Drow.

I believed the bit about the white dragon. the sex cult - I am cautious about its veracity.


Portal Plaza - Daring Heights

“I’ve heard rumours that the tower has twenty-five white dragons,” said the portal operator that day, when Velania (my Aasimar cleric friend) said we were going to the tower in the Sunset Spines, known as Minas Ithil.

“A sex-cult, too,” I added.

Comrade Itzal, my badass Half-Orc fellow punch-master friend pointed out that it wasn’t very mature to assume that the hotness of a people implies they are in a sex cult.

“... Ivan is not mature,” I added.

“Well,” comrade Elias, my Eladrin magic and scythe-wielding badass friend (and increasingly tree-like friend) began, “it’s hard to comment on something that doesn’t exist.”

Comrade Derthard, my Dragonborn sorcerer friend, handed over a small stone from Minas Ithil to the portal operator, as I looked at the immovable, now permanent addition to the teleportation circle here - Je’Sathriel’s/The Jackal’s sword. I recently tried to pull the sword out of the ground and give it to a new comrade, Forfeit, a near naked tiefling who went adventuring with just an umbrella and the very limited clothes he wore. I explained this to my party that day. I then had to explain why I would try to take a sword that didn’t belong to me, and then try and give it to someone else it didn’t belong to - who happened to be near naked. I did my best to explain that it seemed like the naked man could really do with a sword, since all he was bringing to the adventure that day was an umbrella.

I was just getting to the part in my story where I explained to the party that when I tried to take the sword, it budged, and I was hit with psychic pain, and could hear The Jackal telling me not to touch it. But, as I started talking, I saw comrade Elias gripping the sword and giving it a go.

“No! Comrade!” I said too late to inform him of the danger. Elias also got hit with a blast of psychic pain, just like I did. Elias then seemed to be hit with radiant pain when he tried again!


The Path to Minas Ithil - The Sunset Spines

We walked up a hill and arrived at an absolutely immense tower. It was so tall, I wouldn’t be able to jump over it, and I can do a standing jump of forty, no sixty, no… actually I can jump one hundred and twenty feet up. With my best jump, I would barely have reached halfway up the tower. The tower was so tall, it was as if the top of it could touch the moon - figuratively speaking of course.

I was looking in the wrong direction as I covered the top of my eyeline to protect from the glare of the sun, as I looked up at the top of the tower. A shadow appeared over me, followed by a large creature's clawed paws, which knocked me over. It was a good ‘shot’, by which I mean takedown. It was more specifically a flying dragon tackle, from a teenage white dragon.

“Sorry. I thought you were Ivan,” said the teenage white dragon, Caiaphas, “he wrestled me for fun.” Good for Ivan. I, of course, approve of wrestling. I also approve of factually correct telling of events, so I was pleased to find Ivan was right about the wrestling. Although, this to be fair, was not the statement of Ivan’s which I doubted. I then felt that it would be unkind to disappoint the young dragon man, who was now a little sad that Ivan wasn’t around. I told Caiaphas that I know Ivan, and asked if Ivan ever lifted him? It took some effort, but I managed to press the young dragon’s weight overhead. It was not easy. You have to be exceptionally strong to do this, which I of course very much am. But, in a few years time, Caiaphas will be as heavy as a hippopotamus and I’ll need a Potion of Growth to lift him. Or maybe just the Enhance Ability - Bull’s Strength spell that Archie knows? Oh and that Elias knows. I assume it was them. I started to press Caiaphas overhead with one arm. Somebody in the party did some magic. I’m guessing it was Elias. It was pretty neat.

We talked a little to Caiaphas. The lich is in the basement levels of the tower. The lich hadn’t begun climbing the floors, which was good. Caiaphas sensed another presence in the basement though, in addition to the lich. Something more familiar to his dragon self.

A Drow called Lujas descended the tower after Caiaphas roared to announce our presence. Comrade Itzal raced him back up the tower. Both their climbing forms were good, from what I saw before I began walking the stairs with most of the other party members. But, what was truly impressive was the vertical running they both did at the start. I believe that talent comes from a different martial arts style(s) than my Stone Hand Fighting Technique. It’s different, but also a very good martial art, like my Dwarven MMA.


Minas Ithil

As we reached the top there was banter happening between comrade Itzal and Lujas. Itzal won their race up the tower. There was a sexual subtext to the competitiveness it seemed. I would know about this. After an exhibition fight with Nathalie, when we met - we had sex soon afterwards.

We met an old Drow whom the previous party members rescued from the lich last time. We then met several other Drow along with their leader. All the Drow we met were very handsome, beautiful and sexy. These were in fact; very sexy Drow.

“I see you have traded the loud one for a quieter one?” said the leader Arave’i Velonirina. I guessed that she was referring to me being present instead of Ivan. My assumption was confirmed. Clearly Ivan had left an Ivan-sized impression with the people here. Arave’i mentioned that Ivan had actually asked her if she and her people were a sex cult. I do not believe Arave’i confirmed Ivan’s assumption, but Ivan, I assume, chose to believe whatever he wanted.

There was much talk about the sexy Drow’s purpose and dedication to the moon, as the Friends of the Moon. Lots of mention of multiple moon goddesses. I learned that comrade Elias is actually a devotee of Shar, who I believe is some evil relation to Selune. The sexy Drow made it clear to Elias that they were welcome here in Minas Ithil, because all moon devotees are welcomed no matter their god. I didn’t understand any of it. But, I did notice, in particular one of the sexy Drow, Amandine Allaire, who was exceptionally sexy, made sure to talk to Elias and help them recognise they were welcome in the tower. There was sexual energy between them, much like with comrade Itzal and Lujas.

To be fair to comrade Ivan, two of the party I was with had been in the tower of sexy Drow for barely five minutes and were being seduced. Maybe the Friends of the Moon are sex cult-ish?


Preparations

We were offered refreshments, and given further explanation on why the people came to the tower, and what they knew of it. When the Friends of the Moon found the tower, they felt they were meant to be here. They only discovered that a lich moved into the lower levels much later. They never found its phylactery, but did manage to trap the lich in a magical cage, using a spell scroll containing the spell, Forge Cage. Tabhak, the lich, managed to escape and kidnap some of the Drow. Adventurers came, killed the lich, and rescued the people. No phylactery found though. Now Tabhak is back again.

I asked a question that had come to mind. “Comrades, what is a phylactery?”

After learning that a phylactery was how the lich came back to life, and could be anything vessel shaped, Velania suggested that we should kill Tabhak first, and then spent time finding the phylactery to properly end Tabhak.

I learned that in the previous battle, Tabhak had pools of acidic water that he was able to teleport through to the frustration of comrades Ivan and Itzal at the time. In that fight, Ivan chose to dive through the pools to pursue Tabhak, burning his skin in the process. Good heavens Ivan! My thicc-bro comrade does not have the same level of conditioning that I have mastered through Iron Strong training and by being born Goliath - it is no minor concern for him to dive into acid. What was he thinking? But also; respect, he is very tough.

Comrade Elias asked if I had seen them, ‘hulk out’ before? I had not, and they had me intrigued. Elias offered to cast the spell Tenser’s Transformation on me, which would enable me to ‘hulk out.’ But, then they checked the small print of the spell, and we realised the spell was not compatible with my fists. Disappointing. However, as I told comrade Elias, I do often judge Ivan for taking ‘extracurriculars’, so no supplementation was good for me, I did not wish to appear to be a hypocrite.

Elias opted to take their own ‘extracurriculars’. Velania casted the Death Ward spell on herself and Itzal. Derthaad casted the ever faithful, Aid spell on us… ah shit! Come to think of it, the Aid spell also counts as an extracurricular. Crap! Maybe Ivan’s use of Potions of Strength to make temporary gains can be overlooked as cheating, because the gains are temporary? Maybe that is fair. Although, he is still messing up by buying Fire Giant potions instead of Stone Giant ones. Stone Giants are better than Fire Giants, and Goliaths are theorised to have descended from Stone Giants. So, of course Stone Giants are the best Giants.

The Drow had found a new tunnel down to where they suspected Tabhak resided. We followed our hosts. I was warned it might be a squeeze for ‘big lads’ like myself. As always, tunnels are inherently discriminatory against big humanoids.


The Lower Levels

In the lower levels by a trap door, Lujas and Amandine wished us luck, and also continued their flirtations with Itzal and Elias.

I saw the place where my comrades previously faced the lich. An altar was all smashed up - by Ivan, apparently. The acidic pools were green and smelt revolting, and unfortunately, the way down to where Tabhak resided was through one of the pools.

The tunnel through the acidic pool was tight, as expected, and very rank, and rather scolding. I minded the acid less than my comrades, but minded the small tunnel much worse! Although, not quite. You see, comrade Derthaad may not be a thicc-boi, but he is a tall Dragonborn, and he got a little stuck. I had to bump him through the tunnel.

On the other side, we emerged in a much larger cavern with large acidic pools. Comrade Velania provided some magical healing for the acid swim. Derthaad readied his Crown of Stars spell, and several radiant motes of energy formed a crown around his head, ready to be fired in harm's way.

It seemed we were in some kind of temple. To the south of the cavern was some kind of sacred ground. A small stage with a cracked brazier lay in the centre of the stage, with a skull in the centre. Pinpricks of green light emitted from the eye sockets of the skull. It was agreed that we had found the phylactery. But where was Tabhak? The lich was nowhere to be seen in any of the large pools of acidic water. We all looked back at the phylactery, when a large, de-scaled, acidic, undead dragon rose from the pool near Derthaad and took a bite on his shoulder.


A Lich’s Touch Is Not Good For Your Health

Elias moved to within range of the scale-deprived dragon and delivered two mighty slashes with their scythe, opening up two long cuts on its body.

Derthaad, with pain in his shoulder, summoned Ulhar, his large chromatic dragon to take on the acid dragon-lich creature. I felt Derthaad was standing too close to the acid-dragon to be summoning, but then Itzal emitted a flash of divine light that cursed the acid dragon, giving Derthaad the time to summon, and then Ulhar the time to escort Derthaad to a safe distance. As Ulhar brought Derthaad to safety, the acid dragon swiped its claws at Ulhar’s rear legs, causing blood to pour out. Derthaad in return fired one of his radiant motes from his Crown of Stars and nailed the acid dragon right in the chest causing it immense pain.

We were all a little distracted by the impact of Derthaad’s radiant spell, when in the corner of our eyes, Tabhak arose from a pool. Tabhak, presence announced, sank back into the pool and disappeared. He was gone. Until he arose again behind comrade Velania. Tabhak reached out, hovering over the pool, and touched Velania on the shoulder with his undead hand. The touch caused the transfer of black necrotic magic to seep into Velania’s veins. Velania turned stiff, and fell to the ground. She wasn’t moving. She was breathing. But she lay motionless as veins on her face turned black as she lay before Tabhak..

The scale-rendered acid dragon projected a wash of acid from its mouth, covering Elias and Derthaad. As those two tried to wipe off the acidic pour, the dragon slashed its claws at Ulhar again.

Velania remained where she was, unable to move. Unable to defend herself.


Rage Flight For the Save!

I quickened my breathing, dove over Velania’s prone body. I covered her body with mine, and picked her up. With the power of my flight legs, I propelled us up into the air and over one of the pools of acidic water, over to Itzal.

Elias spun their scythe around with such speed and artistry that they caused the deepest and longest slash I’ve ever seen from an edged polearm. The cut seemed to go from the navel of the acid dragon up to its neck. The creature bled out immensely, and Elias continued to spin with such elegance and mastery that it seemed unlikely anything could touch them. At least, anything like a weapon. As Elias finished their flourish, they turned to face Tabhak and called him out provocatively, “got you next, lich!” It was in truth, Tabhak who had Elias next, as he pointed his finger at Elias and sent necrotic energy coursing into them, causing considerable pain.

Using what appeared to be a combination of divine and monastic healing, Itzal made the necrotic spread subside, and then vanish from Velania, and brought her back to her feet - and not a second too soon.

Derthaad went all in. Full commitment. Derthaad pointed a finger at Tabhak and casted the Disintegrate spell! I don’t know what ungodly magic Tabhak used, but he resisted the fatale power of the spell. But, as I said, Derthaad went all in. At the same time as using a devastating spell on Tabhak, he fired one of his Star Crown’s radiant motes at the acid dragon, scorching it on its deeply slashed chest, as Ulhar got revenge for all the claw slashes it had received, and slashed away at his equally sized foe, killing the acid dragon with a breath of lightning. The acid dragon with a scale-less exterior fell into the pool behind it, and sank to the bottom.

Tabhak looked on with fury as Ulhar killed the dragon. Magical smoke from the failed Disintegrate spell floated into Tabhak’s vision from his chest, and Tabhak’s glare moved from Ulhar to Ulhar’s summoner, Derthaad. Tabhak uttered a word in Derthaad’s direction. Derthaad stopped. He fell. Derthaad’s body hit the ground much like how Velania’s did. But Derthaad wasn’t just motionless. Derthaad wasn’t breathing. Derthaad lay there with his eyes open, unblinking. Dead.


Rage Flight Takedown

“You should all leave. Now!” Tabhak said before descending into the pool below him, and reappearing from the same pool further along, nearer where the rest of us stood.

Velania had just got back up to her feet, as Tabhak re-emerged closer to us. Velania let her angelic, radiant wings unfold, as she flew over to Derthaad with urgency.

I similarly flew. But, whilst Velania went to Derthaad to do what she can do best for the party, I flew to do what I do best for the party - I flew up at Tabhak.

My shoulder crashed into his belly deprived, lich torso. In mid air, I wrapped my arms around Tabhak’s waist, and spun myself around to his back whilst maintaining the hold to adopt a belly-to-back waistlock. From there, I sank my weight down, and dragged Tabhak with me to the ground. I sought to deprive him of his teleporting pools. His attempts to escape were pitiful. I brought him equal distance between two of his pools and then sweeped one of his feet to bring him down to the ground, face up. I mounted him, brought my right fist up high, and told him, “you don’t use that spell on my friends.” I brought my first down into his face and felt rotten flesh give way to my knuckles.


Rage Pommel

Comrades Elias and Itzal do not look a gift horse in the mouth. I was mounted on Tabhak. Tabhak was going nowhere - Elias and Itzal pounced. Both brought their polearms; scythe and staff down on Tabhak with their own fury. Elias with the same lethal majesty they delivered to the acid dragon, and Itzal with follow-up, battering punches of great martial prowess.

“Surrender! Or we’ll punch you more,” comrade Elias suggested to Tabhak, as Tabhak lay there, held down, cut up, and battered. Tabhak defied. Tabhak looked at Elias, and uttered a word to them. But, the foul magic did not take effect on Elias, and I had had enough of its utterance.

I grabbed Tabhak by his faded remaining strands of hair, and yanked his face back to face mine as I sat above him. And with every word I myself uttered to him, I punctuated with my right first striking him in his rotting undead face.

“I. Said. Not. To. Use. That. Spell. On. My. Friends!” Tabhak’s face disfigured into a puddle of rotted flesh, as my mind went silent and I repeatedly brought my fist down on his increasingly unrecognisable face, as if I had gone away from my body, and no one was controlling my actions.

I didn’t stop pommeling the dead undead face until a voice brought me back to the present.

“We still need you here Derthaad.”

I don’t know how loudly Velania said it. It felt like a whisper. But somehow I heard it.

I stopped punching. I stood up, but kept my eyes on the floor where Tabhak’s face was now spread out.

“Velania. Is Derthaad back?” Velania confirmed.

“Can we destroy the phylactery now?” Velania confirmed this as well.


Phylactery No More

Velania healed Derthaad some more. Derthaad was very ready to destroy the phylactery. Elias as well. Both were preparing immense magic spells. But Elias and Velania both had a recognition that none of the rest of us could see. The pair of them, as they explained later, felt a kindred connection from their respective moon deities, Shar and Selune. It was as if both moon gods were pleased with the expulsion of the lich from the temple dedicated to the moon. Elias and Velania told me they felt a connection in the moment, which led them to hug each other. In the process, the phylactery cracked down the middle. The flames in the brazier died out, and the green glow in the eye sockets of the skull faded. The acidic water also began to neutralise.

Derthaad began searching around the remains of the phylactery. I approached him, and put a hand on his shoulder, and asked him how he was doing. He was, in many respects his usual self - able to joke about terrifying moments. This was, on balance, very good.

“Do not die, comrade. Dying isn’t good for your health,” I said as advice to my friend. He laughed.

“It is objectively true,” I added. He agreed. He also found five diamonds all worth around 300gp. My Watch Sergeant friend, even after dying, does not lose his investigative touch for long.


Back Up in the Nicer and Higher Parts of the Tower

Some of the Drow greeted us as we exited the trapdoor of the basement. Taheri, the prophetic one of Arave’i’s council, touched the walls, and told us, “there are no goddesses here. Only moon. She has many faces. They are all one family. All kin. You have healed this place.”

We made our way back up to the top of the tower. Velania aided the Friends of the Moon to cast a spell called Hallow, which made the entire building very unwelcoming to hostile creatures like liches, or so I understood it.

We were offered a place to stay the night, as well as food and drink, and we enjoyed our time in the observatory getting to know the Friends of the Moon.

Inevitably, the pairings I mentioned earlier had sex. Good for them. It is pleasing to see comrades engage in the sort of sexual encounter that will not lead to a messy situation like, say, for example, sleeping with the enemy. My comrades are my friends - but they are not all alike.

The next morning, before we left, the Friends of the Moon asked us to spread word of the tower to all those that are ‘friends’ of the moon, that they are most welcome to visit.