Post by Andy D on Mar 12, 2023 12:46:31 GMT
How Tall is a Fire Giant?
“Pretty huge,” was the answer I was getting around Fort Ettin.
Kruger, my Iron Strong bro (Goliath like me), reckoned that if I drank one of the Potions of Growth I have to double my size, the Giants would still be a few feet taller than me. So, I guess they are pretty huge. But, Kruger and I both agreed that I’d still be a more impressive looking specimen than any Fire Giant, because I am Iron Strong, the thicc’est of the thicc’est. Plus, with the Growth Potion, I’d be twice as amazing than I usually am, so there was that too.
Kruger had been out with Varga working on her conditioning. Varga, my Half-Orc thicc zealot warrior friend, had asked my fellow Iron Strong Bro, Kruger, to help test her conditioning, she feels she has made some improvements. So, Varga was running laps around the Fort before we met up in the Hall. Both Varga and Kruger were breathing hard when I next saw them.
I had seen Varga very recently on an adventure that took us to the sewers of Port Ffirst. Varga had definitely made some improvements to her conditioning. She received fatal hit after fatal hit and was bleeding out immensely. But, it was as if her body didn’t need to keep all its blood inside to remain functional. Watching Varga fight was like watching a dead person raging on when she should have been down for the count several times over. And yet, Kruger said she was a little slow doing her laps. Varga justified her performance by saying that Kruger is very distracting when he’s working out. I didn’t know what she meant by this. I am not distracted when I work out with Kruger, I am focussed on my own efforts.
Adventure Brief
Joran, is the neighbouring landmass to Kantas. There, Senator Rhodes of K’ul Goran received a warning from Minervoth, a Storm Giant. The Storm Giant said there were some renegade Fire Giants who were not obeying the ‘Ordning,’ which is like a caste system for Giants - who Half-Giants like myself may or may not be related to.
Goliath origins are unclear, some say we are descendants of Stone Giants (hence our skin). Some say we descend from Humans that climbed a mountain to meet their deities, and were rewarded for their efforts by being transformed into taller, more impressive-looking humanoids. I suppose both origins could be wrong. Both origins sound amazing to me. So, if one of them happens to be true, then cool.
Storm Giants are above Fire Giants in the Ordning, who themselves are above Stone Giants - this is lame. Even if Half-Giants turn out not to be related to Stone Giants, it is clear that Stone Giants are cooler than Fire Giants.
The Storm Giant, Minervoth has commanded the renegade group of Fire Giants to cease their plans to attack K’ul Goran. However, it seems the Fire Giant group is moving forward with their plans anyway, angry at having lost a conflict with K’ul Goran, in the recent past, where K’ul Goran were supported by the Dawnlands and their adventurers.
The Giant Slaying Team
There was Varga, and I. No Kruger. He would stay in the Fort to look after little Timor (my pet gold headed lion tamarin) whom I brought with me to visit uncle Kruger. Plus, I guess if Kruger came along, Varga might be distracted and fight less effectively.
Comrades Derthaad (Dragonborn sorcerer and City Watch member), Heret (Human who is a businessman and also very good with a blade) and Kelne (Halfling tricky cleric who can provide buckets and buckets of divine healing) were also joining us.
Kelne, our honorary thicc-boi, had also been asking around the Fort how big Fire Giants were. Kelne, is a pretty short Halfling, as Halflings come, about 3 ft tall. Jenna said Fire Giants are about eight Kelnes tall, if eight Kelnes were stacked one on top of each other.
Varga made a comment about how with Heret along, he could defeat the Fire Giants with his complicated way of dividing loot. Ha! That was funny.
A Word on Heret’s Method for Loot Distribution
To be fair to comrade Heret, and I have mentioned this to him, I believe his method of loot distribution is the fairest and I commended him on it.
At the end of a battle fought by adventurers, we usually find ourselves in the presence of coins and gems that are ours for the taking, and also valuable items. It is customary to divide the coins and gems equally, and this is easily done. Then we make claims on the items, items such as; magic potions, magic weapons and armour, and other magic things. Sometimes there is one item in the loot whose value is equal to the sum of the other items combined. Whoever ends up with the big item, it could be said, received an uneven share of the loot. But, normally no one cares, because in this line of work, maybe if you didn’t make off with the big item one time, maybe some other time you will be the one to take the most valuable item.
Comrade Heret has a fair and balanced solution to the above. A solution that only a big businessman like himself, who knows the gold value of many, many things could think of. Heret sums up the total value in gold of all the loot; coins and gems, as well as the items. Then, if you take an item that has a low total value, you may end up taking a greater share of the money, while if you took an extremely expensive item, you might forgo the money. Very fair!
However, it gets a little contentious, if say, to afford the very expensive item, you aren’t just foregoing the money loot; you also need to pay out from your own money pouch and quite likely get a bank loan, too. In such cases, people then get very cautious about making a claim for the big expensive item, for understandable reasons. So, at best, the Heret method only seems to be used when the loot items are generally equal in value. Either way, Mr. Heret deserves credit for thinking about fairness. Goliaths like fairness. Heret would be appreciated back home on Iron Mountain.
Last time I saw Heret, we both received magic rings. Well, first we went through checking if anyone wanted to use his method for loot distribution and all got headaches. But, eventually I took the Ring of Protection and he took the Ring of Invisibility. I wondered if he had used it since?
Off to Zot Goran - Capital of K’ul Goran
Jenna led us to the Teleportation Circle of Fort Ettin to send us on our way, and she wished us good luck, “Sounds fun! Please come back alive. Good luck! Remember, Fire Giants are big, and they hit hard!” Those were her words.
I discovered Heret has a horse called Zozo. Zozo was in the Teleportation Circle with us. Adventurer steeds keep appearing out of nowhere. I thought it was just Corr’Vandor, Zola’s big elk, because Corr’Vandor is magical. Now I learn that regular steeds appear out of thin air for adventurers. This is like how it is with Familiars as well - at least one member of an adventuring party will have one (that time in Phlegethos being the only exception…).
Zot Goran - Minotaurs Love Mazes
Archie was right. The building we arrived in was like a maze. If it wasn’t for our guide, we would have never made it out of the building on our own, even with comrade Derthaad’s big brain to help us. It’s funny, now that Archie has become quite accustomed to adventuring, he is now telling me about things I hadn’t yet experienced.
Our guide, and fellow party member, was a Minotaur woman named Kassandra Farcleaver of K’ul Goran’s Errant Guard. She had done a reconnaissance mission prior to our arrival and had learnt that there were seven Fire Giants to face.
The Errant Guard was greatly reduced when they came to our aid during the Gith invasion. So, they needed our help here, so it was good of Lady Aurelia to assemble us for this mission. Kassandra had a mage come and assist us, so we could teleport to a near and safe location close to where the Fire Giants were reported to be.
Mountainside - Fire Giant Lair
The mage casted the Teleport spell. We all arrived, including the mage, by a mountainside. The mage said he would wait outside and if we weren’t back in four hours, he would leave. The mage wasn’t what you would call a combat mage. He did, however, cast Darkvision on comrade Kelne and I, so he was definitely a very helpful mage, despite his combat averse stance.
Kelne casted the Pass Without a Trace spell to help us approach and get the drop on the Fire Giants. Heret, on Zozo, turned invisible - the Ring of Invisibility was being used. Good! Zozo now looked like a horse that was steering itself.
As we moved forward stealthily, Varga whispered to me that she now does her own version of the ‘Mountain-High Elbow-Drop’ the tag team move of me and comrade Derthaad where he teleports us up into the sky, uses the Feather Fall spell on himself to fall back to the ground safely, whereas I come crashing down on our foe like a comet from space. It is the most impressive elbow drop anyone has ever performed.
“You are a sorcerer now too, Varga?” I asked, astonished at her claim.
“No. I have a magic cloak that can do the Dimension Door spell once per day,” Varga replied. This made more sense than her becoming a sorcerer. The way of strength is what me and her are about. Varga said she could take me with her when she teleports. I said yes! An opportunity to do a double thicc-boi Mountain-High Elbow-Drop, could not be passed up!
I asked Varga about the weird effect we both saw on her flail after we defeated the demon in the Port Ffirst sewer the previous week. She said the flail was fine and was eager to test it out. I said that she would have seven good opportunities to do that. Ha!
Varga noticed a huge divot in the earth that looked like it had been made by a giant’s blade being dragged along the ground. My thicc-boi comrade is a pretty good detective from time to time. I noted that the giants were not looking after their weapons very well if they were dulling their edges dragging them in the ground!
Inside a Mountainside Chamber
We could hear clanging metal and booming voices. The voices spoke giant. I translated for the party as we approached with caution. The words being spoken were pre-combat rallying. There were lines like, “we’ll crush them all!” And, “Burn all the fields!” And, “they will rue the day they killed our kind, when we surprise K’ul Goran!”
We were standing outside the chamber where we could hear the voices. I opened up one of the Potions of Growth I have, and drank the contents, and grew in size to become a representative for the Stone Giants, who Goliaths may or may not have descended from. Whether we do or don’t, I intended to prove Stone Giants deserved to be higher on the Ordning than Fire Giants - certainly ones that wish to crush and burn the Dawnlands’ allies. These Fire Giants were going to be manhandled by a Stone Giant comrade!.
Heret gave Zozo a Potion of Invisibility. Now; rider and mount were invisible. Suffice to say - I couldn’t see them. Kelne casted both the Blink and Mirror Image spell on themself. Comrade Derthaad casted a high powered Aid spell on the party, and Varga downed a Potion of Speed. It seems potion drinking is very common among adventurers these days - including me. But, I know Varga, like me, looks after her main weapon well - her body! Strength and conditioning first! With the body taken care of, then you have my permission to drink a magic potion.
“Kavel,” Varga said, after downing her potion and looking up at my now towering, giant form, “you know, now that you are fifteen feet tall, you won’t fit through a Dimension Door. So, no Varga-Kavel Mountain-High Elbow-Drop, mate.”
I’m not going to lie, in that moment, Varga’s revelatory piece of information put a small dampener on my excitement for manhandling Fire Giants in my now giant form.
Seven Fire Giants in a Fire River Chamber
We were very sneaky as we entered the chamber. The Fire Giants hadn’t seen us. There were three men with great swords around ten feet long. Three women all had wrecking ball sized flails. And the leader, the most well armoured in his plate, was armed with a couple of towering, spiked shields.
Kassandra crept towards some rubble for cover and stationed herself there with her crossbow ready. This was good of her. Once we all got in position, we would ambush our adversaries together. The rest of us went to find our own positions, as Kassandra shouted, “K’ul Goran’s here you morons!” Kassandra then loosed her readied bolt straight into the nearest Fire Giant. I was perplexed by her strategy. Varga, however, applauded it. Varga loves battle pomp, she is very much into displays like Kassandra’s.
The Dawnland Adventurers vs. Seven Fire Giants!
As I’ve seen him do before, comrade Derthaad casted a crown of seven radiant motes of energy around his head, and one of the motes shot forward at the nearest giantess, standing in front of the lava river next to a fellow giant. The giantess was hurt by the mote and angered.
“It seems the smallings have come here to die!” The leader, who the other Fire Giants referred to as Dreadnought, said in Common.. The Dreadnought leader stepped into the lava from his side of the river, to try and reach us 200 ft away on ground. Whilst he did this, he scooped one of his tall, spiked shields into the lava and flung a lava rock at comrade Derthaad, who had found some cover much like Kassandra. However, the cover was not enough to fully blunt the impact of the heavy, and scolding hot lava rock. Derthaad should have been dragon steak. But, Derthaad had the protection of his Clockwork Sorcerer Bastion of Law magic. The fatal impact was magically lessened.
“We’re the thicc bois!” Varga yelled at the Dreadnought, joining Kassandra with her own display of battle pomp, as Varga is wont to do, adding, “You’re all small compared to us!” It was pretty good pomp, to be fair.
Varga’s face lit up. She didn’t reach for Undertow, her longsword and her flail though. Instead, she wrapped herself in what she called her Cape of the Mountebank. Varga’s cloak then casted the Dimension Door spell.. As she ran through the magic portal, I frowned a little at how small the magical door was from my giant-sized perspective. Now I see not only are regular doors not made for tall folk, neither are magical ones!
The ceiling of this chamber was eighty feet high. Varga’s Dimension Door opened up directly above the Dreadnought eighty feet up. She drew Undertow in one hand, and her Horn of Nishrek in the other. Varga blew on the battle horn, and eight greataxe wielding berserker Half-Orcs were summoned from Acheron. And like Varga; they were all falling down towards the Dreadnought, and some of the giant soldiers nearby.
“It’s Raining Men!” Varga yelled from above, adding more pomp to the battle, as her and her berserkers came crashing down on three giants, including the Dreadnought. The berserkers, surprisingly stood back up after crash landing into the Fire Giants. The Half-Orc men looked like they needed to go find a bench. Some managed to land on their literal giant targets. But, most didn’t and just hit the ground from eighty feet up. All were severely wounded. It was good, but it was no Mountain-High Elbow-Drop. Varga on the other hand; much better. Varga crashed into the Dreadnought with her flail, denting the plate in one of the Dreadnought’s shoulders severely. Bench-ready, though the berserkers were, when they got up, they went to work with their greataxes. Team Varga were giving the Fire Giants their all. “This is our place now!” Varga yelled with bravado.
Whilst I stood there in my giant form, and stopped to applaud Varga on her execution of the aerial move, Kassandra loosed a bolt into the giant nearest her, some 50 ft away.
Spectating over, I flew forward using the power of my flight legs and covered a distance of some 60 ft as I collided with the giantess right in front of the river of lava. She was roughly three feet taller than me, and very wide. All the Fire Giants were very wide, it’s like they are giant, fiery dwarf kin. Their barrel chests give them an amazing control over their centre of gravity. My trip attempt failed. But I kept hold of her in a left collar-tie, as I drove up into her jaw with my right fist delivering a powerful uppercut. Such a beautiful uppercut it was, I honestly felt empowered as if healing magic like Derthaad’s Aid spell had invigorated my health.
Stunned by my power, and perhaps the audacity of a Stone Giant-looking man punching them, the giantess said, “you are powerful. But how do you like the heat?!” And then she grabbed her flail, swung it, and wrapped it around the side of my head. I admitted to myself that the flail was hot. But it was not so painful. Atleast, not to me. A minor bruise.
Across the river of lava, three of the berserkers were receiving more than minor bruises as they were bludgeoned and slashed back to Acheron. One of the giants on that side of the river threw a rock at Varga in aid of the Dreadnought. My fellow thicc-boi took it well.
As I continued to grapple with the flail wielding Fire Giant before me, her ally to the left of me, took advantage of how I held the giantess with a left collar tie, and brought his greatsword down on my exposed left flank twice. It hurt. But, to be fair, without meaning to boast, these swords must be doing more damage to the earth outside when dragged across the ground, because there were no divots on my body - only some cuts. I wondered how comrade Heret’s blade would fare against the giants. But, due to his invisibility, I could not see him.
The Double Team Hold and Shoot - My New Tag Team Move I didn’t Know About!
“Goddess Tymora!” I could hear honorary thicc-boi Kelne say behind me, as they called for Divine Intervention, “turn the lava into jam, please!” Unfortunately, it seemed Tymora could not be reached at that moment. However, I was able to locate comrade Heret. Heret was withdrawing his magical rapier from the right side of the Dreadnought. Heret had just reappeared after successfully sneaking in a sword thrust to the Dreadnought whilst invisible. Zozo, however, was still invisible. It looked a bit strange as Heret appeared to be mounted on thin air, and then disengaged and rode away from the Dreadnought.
There was a giant who was fully enjoying a seat in the lava who was also near the three giants alongside the Dreadnought. Four of them seemed perfectly near each other for something I was expecting. An explosion of psychic energy burst out from a space close to four of the giants across the river near Heret and Varga - psychic energy, I was not expecting, I was expecting lightning. Similar to his other big spell, comrade Derthaad had four bolts, but psychic ones hit our foes causing immense pain to their heads. The four giants all seemed a little dizzy thereafter. For good measure, another of my comrade’s radiant motes smashed into the giantess’s face whom I was grappling with.
The Dreadnought retaliated against the onslaught of Varga and her squad. Varga’s berserkers were swept aside from a swing of one of the spiked shields. They were batted 30 ft away. Several berserkers disappeared back to Acheron. Varga herself was flung into the air, but stopped short of 30 ft as she hit a mound of rubble. Heret was caught in the shield swing too. I don’t know how Zozo survived Heret being flung back. Maybe Zozo was already on the move as Heret caught the shield on his body? I am not sure. But, I was sure of one thing; Heret looked like he needed to be benched, and the Dreadnought was walking out of the lava and back towards where Heret lay.
“Get back here you coward!” Varga yelled, “you’re wearing so much armour like a coward!” With added speed granted by the potion she drank, Varga seemed to fly towards the Dreadnought. When in range, she attacked with reckless abandon with both sword and flail, again, and again in a surge of energy. The Dreadnought’s shields did not keep Varga’s punishing strikes from landing. The Dreadnought fell before Heret, dead. Varga, without missing a beat, darted over to one of the other giants and started hacking away at him. In retrospect, I thought to myself, there’s no way Varga did poorly on timed laps around Fort Ettin with Kruger - surely?
As Varga’s remaining berserkers laid into one of the northern side giantesses, Kassandra loosed two bolts into the giantess I held in a collar-tie. The giantess stopped resisting my hold, and fell to the ground dead. Whilst Derthaad provides the ‘assist’ for the Mountain-High Elbow-Drop, it seems I am providing an ‘assist’ by holding still (and also at bay) the opponents so my long range allies can pepper them to death. Fair enough. With this in mind, I turned to the giant to my left, pivoted my feet, hips and shoulder for a right cross, and shot out my right fist across my repositioned body and straight into the giant’s jaw before he could bring his greatsword down for a slash. I then clubbed him over the head with my left fist, and then opened up my left hand behind his head, and pulled his head down into a collar-tie, setting up another perfectly delivered right uppercut to the giant’s jaw. I truly am an expert at the left collar-tie and right uppercut combination. Again, the strong hit reinvigorated me and made me feel like my scratch wounds were healing by themselves. My Stone Hand Fighting skills are truly amazing. I decided to show off my grappling, and used the collar tie to drag the Fire Giant back away from my long range allies. I was near a small platform surrounded by lava. But, I didn’t mind, since I was protecting my comrades, and quite frankly, and this is not a boast, lava just isn’t as hot and devastating as people claim - if you work hard on your conditioning like I do, that is.
The collar-tied guy tried to outgrapple me and push me into the lava. I pushed back and stopped that nonsense. He managed to cut me up a bit with his sword though. Fair play to him.
Up on the other side of the river, Varga seemed to be throwing down with every giant there. The bathing giant had to stop bathing and join in attacking her. Varga was likely trying to shield Heret from further harm. Unfortunately, despite her valiant efforts, and Heret’s uncanny ability to dodge attacks, Heret was eventually caught off guard by the edge of a greatsword, and fell unconscious. And then an unexpected challenger arrived.
Emerging from the ground near Kelne, a red-skinned demonic figure in chains appeared. “Seems you’ve angered the wrong person!” the chained devil said as it attacked my halfling comrade, and one of their Mirrored Images disappeared.
Rights in Threes!
I asked later, and Kelne didn’t have a clue what that chained devil was about. Kelne looked confused in that moment, too. Level headed though, Kelne casted the Dimension Door spell and teleported over to Heret and forced a healing potion down his throat. Heret remounted invisible Zozo and went back on a cavalry charge, slashing into one of the giants near him and then riding away.
A ball of lightning shot passed me from a point of cover - now the thing I expected was happening. Four hits! Two giants on the northern side of the lava river fell to the ground dead. The remaining two came to the realisation that although they are comfortable with fire, lightning is really bad. Another mote of radiant energy was shot out from Derthaad’s crown and hit the left flank of the giant I had locked up.
Varga’s remaining four berserkers surrounded the northern giantess… and all missed their axe strikes. If I could have fetched them a bench I would have. Varga did not miss, however, and cut chunks out of the giantess.
Kassandra, like Derthaad, took a shot at the guy I had in my grasp, as I (I guess) assisted their aim. Kassandra hit the giant with one of her two bolts, as he managed to scramble around a little within my grasp. He did not, however, scramble enough to make me miss from close range. I snapped his head down hard with my left collar-tie and then I went; right uppercut, right hook and right elbow all landing hard into the Fire Giant’s face. I was pleased with my combination of rights. Perhaps too pleased, because I had loosened my left hand’s grip on the collar-tie, as I was getting ready to clap my hands together and applaud myself on such a great combo… I will concede, this was quite arrogant of me. Also foolish. The Fire Giant, with a swollen left jaw, pushed me hard with the flat of his great sword. I moved back. He did it again, and I stepped backwards into the lava. I felt an intense heat in my feet and calves. It was very, very hot! Not the best choice for a foot bath. But, to be honest, it wasn’t that painful. My body is conditioned against everything. My boots, however, were not. I need new boots, and trousers.
Varga had also taken a little plunge over on the other side of the river. “I’m hot enough on my own, thanks!” I could hear her say to her attacker, carrying on the battle banter. It’s so Varga.
Kassandra loosed a bolt into the chained devil. The chained devil looked over at Kelne far away on the other side of the river. The devil then looked at Kassandra and Derthaad, and vanished…
The Guiding The Cavalry The Lance The Foot Bathers!
Kelne fired a Guiding Bolt at the giantess remaining on the northern side of the lava river. It missed, as the giantess bowed her head to avoid the bolt. But, Heret came riding swiftly into range and thrust his rapier into the giantess’s neck, which due to her bowed action, put her in reach of his sword. She fell over, dead.
Derthaad twinned a Psychic Lance spell into the remaining giants. One across the river, and one to the giant I was still holding onto even with my feet in lava. The giant in my grip stopped struggling, and collapsed before me, dead.
Varga started to tread her way out of the lava. She was in tremendous pain, even for a thicc-boi. She’s thicc as they come, but my level of conditioning is hard to come by. I think she fell unconscious as she climbed out of the lava onto solid ground, and the ‘thing’ happened again… Varga re-awoke as if through sheer determination to rage beyond death and kill the foe that pushed her into the lava. Varga’s eyes turned red, smoke from her body poured out, and she moved towards the final giant, and performed a mighty slashing swing of her sword that removed the head of the giant from its body. Varga took a couple of deep breaths in, and then… she was fine again!
Either me or Kruger need to get to the bottom of this. I don’t care what Varga says about gods, there must be some physical component to her weird death conditioning that I can benefit from. As I stood in disbelief watching and studying Varga, I remembered where I stood, and the warmth and pain came back to me. I stepped out of the lava.
Kelne came to the party’s aid and casted Mass Heal. Everyone was in tip top shape again.
Post Battle - Back in K’ul Goran
Minvervorth had a chest of 3,000gp coins and gems brought to us. K’ul Goran rewarded us with impressive looking magical items - the Heret method was debated for a while, and then eventually we stuck to the standard method of loot distribution. I took the Javelin of Lightning that was on offer, so now I have a pair of them. Varga tok the Gauntlets of Flaming Fury, which I think is very similar to our fellow thicc-bro, Ivan’s pair. Heret took the Ioun Stone, and Varga and I agreed to sell the Potion of Fire Giant Strength on behalf of the party, when we got back to Daring Heights.
We stayed the night in K’ul Goran, and Kassandrea took us out and looked after us.
Marketplace - Daring Heights
“Varga, is that Ivan over there?” I asked my fellow market stall operator. It seemed like Ivan was looking at our Potion of Fire Giant Strength. I don’t know why that would interest him, since he’s thicc, like us, and doesn’t need supplementation. Although, there was that one time I shoved a healing potion down his throat and noticed a bunch of Strength potions on his person. And there’s also the times he seems to be drinking something when I’m not looking. Is this suspicious behaviour? Ivan, despite being a berserker badass, is very self-conscious and competitive, but he wouldn’t hide things from me, surely?
Varga and I waved to Ivan. “Oi! Thicc-boi! Over here!”
…