Stabs and Stones - 22/12/2022 - A Kavel Perspective

The Cavernous Seashank

Comrade Celina, my tiefling friend who’s very nifty with rapiers, asked a bunch of us to help give character statements on her behalf. She had been issued a subpoena at the Court of Summons by a H. Rose Fist.

Celina told me that she has been to the Court before because of mistreating her Unseen Servant, Barry - using him as a ‘meat shield’ a term Elias advised she stop using and she swears she has done so ever since the first court visit.

There is, weird as it sounds to me, a Union of Barrys. Between this and comrade Spark’s Mac problem, it seems adventurers are not good at interacting with their magical summons? In Celina’s defence, apparently she didn’t know it was a problem. (In Spark’s defence, Mac has been a bit of an arsehole raven). I asked Archie about this. He said he wasn’t familiar with a Summons Court, but it’s good one exists if people magically summon sentient creatures to do their bidding and don’t treat them well. Archie claims he is under no danger of ever being issued a subpoena, because he treats Barnaby (his familiar) very well, and the Undead Summons, he claims enjoy being risen from the dead for combat, since they are members of the Undead Union who have all signed up for summon work. I didn’t realise there was so much bureaucracy and politics with magic.

Fellow character witnesses were: comrade Derthaad; dragonborn, Watch investigator and sorcerer (speciality; lots of lightning and psychic damage), Elias; eladrin scythe and fey magic master, Ivan; (bro) human, thicc warrior, and Kelne; halfling, Trickster cleric (also kind of thicc).

Celina protested that she honestly had no idea why she was being summoned. Derthaad had an expression on his face that said, “here we go again.”

Elias had to really point it out, but there was in fact, strange as it may seem, an actual carriage in the middle of the Seashank that we didn’t all immediately spot, because of magic, (of course). We entered the carriage and sat down. There was a cooked ham hough on one of the seating benches as we got in - this seemed stranger to me than a partially visible carriage did. We seemed to begin moving and in only a few seconds the carriage came to a stop, and then a voice from the ham hough said, “oh well since we’re here, welcome everyone to the Court of Summons.” The talking ham was definitely weirder than the near invisible carriage.

The ham introduced herself as, the honourable Rose Fist, aka, H.Rose Fist, which the others explained sounded like ‘Heroes Feast’, which is a powerful summon spell. I asked Mendal about sentient ham, since he demonstrated one time that he can cast a spell called Create Food and Water. He said this was news to him.


A Back Room of the Summons Court

We were now in what seemed like a very large building. There was a sign towards the Court room and a sign towards Summon Accommodation. Rose led us to a private room. She said the Court of Barrys weren’t keen on pressing charges, but this was all a matter of procedure. It would be a jury decided process, but Rose felt the case wasn’t going to be a problem.

In preparation for our character statements; all the magic came out. Derthaad and Elias made sure we all had Fox’s Cunning from the Enhance Ability spell and Kelne made sure we had Owl’s Wisdom from the same spell.

A woman named Barry Lawless, Celina’s defence lawyer (from her previous experience too) also seemed confident she’d win, and led us into the court.


The Court

We sat on the west side of the court, and the prosecutor, Barry Law sat opposite us and Barry Lawless, with the jury behind him.

Between us adventurers, we realised we all recognised the jury members. I first spotted one of Varga’s Orc summon’s, his name was Tugyz. There was a raven, who was definitely a ‘Mac’ and Derthaad pointed out Glint’s Dragon summon Fragalis. Then I saw Mr. Pig! I didn’t realise that my friend who helps me with geography questions when I’m lost was a summon. I said hello to them from across the room. Then the judge asked us not to converse during proceedings, it’s not allowed. I apologised and then realised that the judge, a planetar, was Tabby! I met Tabby in the Runaway Library where they made some excellent pies and we had a food fight.


The Plaintiff

The plaintiff looked an awful lot like Celina’s magical dancing rapier, and it turned out that this was because it was Celina’s magical dancing rapier - everything is a summon, it seemed!

Stabra Kadabra gave evidence that they are treated as an object by Celina rather than a sentient being. The jury was sympathetic. Barry Law felt his case was won.

Celina was then brought to the stand by Barry Lawless, and an ornate scabbard was brought in as evidence. This scabbard was the original scabbard for Stabra Kadabra and it had an inscription on it written in giant, of all languages, which suggested that the sword was sentient. But, as Barry Lawless had Celina confirm; she had never seen this scabbard. The scabbard she found Stabra Kadabra in was different, so Celina has never been aware that her dancing rapier was sentient. Barry Lawless rested her case.

The nine members of the jury all voiced their opinion on how they currently felt. The majority unfortunately were either indifferent or against Celina. Not good. The jury started arguing. Tabby, the judge, called for a recess and advised us, the adventurers, that we might be able to help in the jury’s decision making, and we were ushered back to our back room.


Back in the Back

In the room, there were now multiple doors, and each one led to a room representing one of the jurors. I had to stop and check with my comrades whether we were being instructed to rough up the jurors. I was happy to discover this was not in fact the case. We genuinely were being encouraged to convince the jurors to side with Celina not ‘convince’ them with violence or the threat thereof.

While we rattled our brains to remember which jurors were either against or on the fence, one of the doors disappeared. So we made an executive decision and headed for one of the remaining doors.


First Door - Varga’s Orc Boi

I was expecting to see Tugyx and both me and Ivan were up for fighting him if that was all it was going to take to convince him to side with Celina. However, he wasn’t in the room. There was a fighting dummy though and some different coloured gems.

Kelne decided to imitate her thicc bro (me) and punched the dummy. It shook a little. Ivan, excited to have a go, decided to forgo using his axe, Barbara, and also had a go at imitating me - he too punched the dummy. This time, the impact of the punch made the dummy rock back and forth, and the light from the red gem dimmed and moved to the blue gem. Not bad form on the punch. The dummy was, however, undamaged.

Elias intuited that the blue gem wants cold damage. It turned out his scythe can deal cold damage on impact, so he took a big swing and slashed the dummy’s front up, freezing the dummy entirely and it cracked. No further lights from the gem. It seemed like we did well. I wasn’t entirely sure. Magic does not make sense.


Second Door - Dr. Ruthenia’s Animated Skeleton, Derrick

We then went through the door with bones on the front to see how we could persuade Derrick to get off the fence and side with Celina. Derrick is a summon of Dr. Ruthenia, Archie’s wizard colleague. As far as I understand it, her wizarding expertise is adjacent to Archie’s research specialty, although more grim. Also, she was a very old human, but is now a fit, eternally young wood elf.

The room was magically pitch black. Elias said he can see in magical darkness and described a mass of rock in the centre of the room. Others had magical means of light, but they were not doing their usual trick, and instead only casted the barest of dim light.

Kelne, who can cast the Shape Stone spell, volunteered to have a go at shaping the stone into a skeletal form (they previously carved the words, ‘Kaveland’ for me on the cliff face of my island, Proxima island - also known as Kaveland).

Kelne’s ability was hindered by the poor light. But, since I’m a qualified mason, and my artistic stone carving isn’t bad, I said I’d guide Kelne on what pieces of stone to remove and how. Ivan and the other light bearers did their best to assist also. Together, we made a pretty thicc looking skeleton - it looked nothing like the actual Derrick, more an exaggerated, bigger (better) looking Derrick. It was quite flattering really. Suddenly, all the light spells were casting their required amount of light. Also, beside mine and Kelne’s signatures in the statue was a poem. It seemed to suggest something about giving Derrick eyes.


Third Door - Spark’s Future Mac

The next door we entered had black feathers on the front.

Inside we found a large, glass cauldron with some liquid inside it. Ivan dipped a cup inside and then drank it. He said that although it didn’t look like much, it kind of tasted like hot chocolate. I asked for a cup, and then Ivan wanted a competition to see who could drink the most (I should have anticipated this. Ivan will turn anything into a competition if he thinks he can win it). Kelne and Celina wanted to drink some too, but not Elias. Maybe because he doesn’t like hot chocolate?

Ivan insisted on pouring us all cups by lifting the cauldron up. He couldn’t get a purchase until he used the Enlarge spell charge on his axe Barbara to grow larger. We both put away quite a few ‘cups’ worth of the liquid. I say cups, because although the others were drinking out of the cups, Ivan insisted on pouring the liquid into mine and his mouth directly from the cauldron. Derthaad noted that with every cup he drank the taste grew bitter and bitter until it no longer tasted at all like hot chocolate and was more like mud. Sadly to say, in mine and Ivan’s competitive haste; we barely noticed that. We just thought the bottom content was poorly mixed.

We were all feeling pretty exhausted after downing the cauldron’s brew. Kelne’s movement was especially very lethargic. Elias, very surprisingly, was feeling spritely. Eladrin’s must have tough constitutions. I’m pretty sure I saw him drink his fair share of the brew - Celina too for that matter.

Script appeared on the glass cauldron once it was empty. The writing said something about confessing crimes. We kept getting hints, it seemed, on how we could persuade the jurors to side with Celina when giving our character statements. Why is magic cryptic like this?


Taking the Stand

Back in the courtroom, it was time to give our character statements. Barry Lawless encouraged us to direct our statements to one member of the jury each for maximised coverage.

Elias went first, and directed his statement at the Mac. Elias highlighted how empathetic Celina could be and how she admits when she’s wrong. Elias is a natural at talking.

I felt inspired by Elias’s words, so decided to go next, and directed my statement at Mr. Pig. I said that since he knows me, he should know I do not associate with bad people, and that now Celina knows Stabra Kadabra is sentient, she will make up for this. So, she deserves a chance, not punishment.

Kelne, also inspired by Elias, went afterwards. He passed to Derrick a couple of stone eyes he had shaped back in the room that represented Derrick. Derrick popped the eyes in his socket and then decided to withdraw his earlier statement condemning Celina on the basis that until now, he did not have eyes, and so did not realise the defendant was hot.

Derthaad then directed his statement to the summon that apparently is called upon by Archie’s new mentor, Veridian, and spoke about how Celina does appreciate her Barry, and now that she realises Stabra Kadabra is sentient, will appreciate her even more than she already did.

Ivan was unconventional. Firstly, he had a whispered conversation with Kelne for some reason, and excused himself to the toilet. When he came back, he seemed to be making a big deal about having taken a crap, as if we wouldn’t just assume he went to the toilet for toilet reasons. Surprisingly though, given how tired he also was from drinking the cauldron brew, he was now very chipper, focused and dare I say more arrogant. For his statement, he challenged Tugyx the Orc to an arm wrestle. I learned that for Orcs, arm wrestles aren’t just a competitive thing, it’s also flirtatious. Ivan won the arm wrestle, and Tugyx changed his mind and sided in favour of Celina - I think he also sided in favour of Ivan, too.

Stabra Kadabra turned to Celina and asked if they were going to be friends now, since that’s all that she wanted. Celina responded that she wanted that. A no guilty verdict was reached. Court was dismissed.


A Summon’s Room

We went to Stabby’s room - it’s nice to know summons aren’t just summoned from wherever and have their day interrupted. It’s nice to know summons have a waiting area and are on-call.

Stabby had two Oils of Sharpness for us. We also received a small Union of Barry badge each, which had one casting of the Unseen (Barry) Servant spell in them.

Elias tried to find his eight legged steed’s room, but couldn’t. Derthaad did find Ulhar’s room though, but no Ulhar. I don’t know what’s going on there. It seems like Ulhar is upset, maybe, for dying during the Desathrax fight where he got possessed. This was when; I held him down, Delilah slashed him up and Derthaad himself blasted Ulhar with a psychic spell; sending Ulhar back here… I guess? Fragalis, Glint’s draconic spirit summon, who helped Derthaad find Ulhar’s room said sometimes summons who should be on-call aren’t. Strange.

We returned back to the Cavernous Seashank for drinks, where Celina explained that Stabby revealed an upgrade she’s been holding back on. The explanation was quite involved, and I was all magic’ed out, so I zoned out a little during the explanation and instead thought about how I would be going back to the Damphenite Tangle soon to see Nathalie.