Gentlemen Prefer Whisky

The evening sun is sinking behind the Stone Gate, and the western walls of Daring Heights cast a tall shadow over the Dwarven Quarter. Shops are closing for the day and the lights in the taverns are beginning to flicker on. As Archie rounds the corner, heading back to his accommodations, he sees a dark figure in the middle of a lonely cobblestone street, standing there as if waiting for him to come.

“Dr. Archibald Haltuhr, I presume?” The figure steps forward into the light emanating out of a nearby shop window and takes off his top hat. The visage of an elegantly-dressed dark elven man greets Archie with a smile. “My name is Lord Jaezred Vandree of Menzoberranzan. I gamble half-regularly at the Gilded Mirror and I hear I have you to thank for cards not blowing up in my immaculate face last month. I’d like to hear the tale of how you saved the day, if you are inclined to join me for a drink?”

“... Lord Vandree.” Archie responded a little stunned, not expecting to meet anyone today, let alone be offered a drink. Fortunately, Archie is quite the dandy; he was always impeccably dressed, and as such always ready for a drink in any establishment. “I recognise you from both Kavel and Mendal’s descriptions. A pleasure to meet you. A drink sounds wonderful.”

Jaezred turns around and leads the wizard down a winding alleyway, to a hole-in-the-wall whisky bar named the Rock Bottom. Just before they walk into the small pub, he tells Archie not to ask for a specific bottle or brand, but to tell the bartender what flavours he likes.

Archie nods in acknowledgement. “Very well. I think I’ll go with cinnamon and almonds. And yourself?”

“Good choices. Lavender, pear, and honey for myself.”

They repeat their choices to the chestnut-bearded bartender standing between a black rock bar, with silver veins of ore streaking through the surface, and a tall rack filled to the brim with bottles of spirits. The bartender rattles off the names of various whisky brands — some familiar, many new and unknown — until Jaezred tells him to “surprise us”. He nods and disappears into the backroom.

“A truly great whisky bar must have two things: first, a richly-stocked catalogue, naturally; but the second is not ambience or decor or anything like that — it is bartenders who know their shit. And no one knows whisky better than the stout folk,” the drow says to his companion.

The bartender comes back with two whisky flights for them, one for each flavour profile.

“You’ve met Mendal. He would agree, I’m certain of it.”

Archie picked up his first glass, gave it a swirl, put it up to his nose and breathed in.

“Mmmmm, cinnamon! Ching, ching Lord Vandree.”

Jaezred chuckles as he picks up a glass, swirling and taking in the drink’s aroma as well. “Yes, I have met Master Mendal. I helped with a quaint little charity event here after the invasion.” He raises his glass to a middle-aged couple walking past the bar, waving hello at him. “Noblesse oblige and all that.”

“That’s right, the charity event. The one where Mendal constructed a special turning platform.”

To accentuate the point, Archie put his current whiskey glass on the palm of his hand and let his telekinesis rotate the glass.

Archie then spoke imitating Mendal’s deeper voice, “Another brilliant display of my superior craftsmanship! is what he’s always saying about the stage when we walk past it.”

Demonstration finished, Archie brought his drink back towards his chest.

“He also mentioned you are wonderfully, magically talented, and he figured you are well connected. I would like to ask you a question if I might that pertains to my specialist area longevity. But, it would be rude of me not to start by first answering the question you asked me. Soooo…”

Archie began recounting the story of how he got involved with stopping the plot to blow-up the gambling venues around Daring Heights, Fort Ettin and Port Ffirst. He explained; the cut together note, the stakeout at the Daring Academy, and the teleporting mastermind. Unfortunately, the adventurers that day did not apprehend the criminal. But, their work did lead to the discovery of the explosive glyphs hidden on the dice and cards of the gambling establishments, which thankfully were all dispelled of magic.

“Fascinating. Did you have any idea why the culprit chose the Academy as the drop-off spot? You'd think they would prefer somewhere with much less traffic.”

“No,” Archie said, shaking his head.

“There were many things that seemed strange about the whole affair; we weren’t sure what the grievance with gamblers was about? Nor why did the individual request more gold than there is in the city? As for the Academy entrance… Well, the criminal did appear to be using the Dimension Door spell when they grabbed the fake sack of gold, where Lolli and Fog were both hidden. They ended up in the Academy. We tried to chase, but the criminal must have used the spell again and fled the Academy before Lolli and Fog could see their face. One can't even safely presume the criminal is familiar with the Academy. All people who were supposed to be in the building were accounted for. The individual seemed reckless from all their plans. But, reckless though they may be, they do possess substantial magical means — greater than me at least; Dimension Door is a spell beyond my means — currently.”

“Reckless indeed…” Jaezred says, looking thoughtful as he picks up another glass. “Where in the halls of the Academy did this happen?”

Archie looked down and then up to explore his memory. “The library. That’s what Lolli said. And now that I think about it, I did notice a pinkish, human-like hand reach for the bait sack.”

“Oh? Odd question, but do you remember if it was a right hand or a left hand?”

“No. I’m afraid I couldn't see which hand, just the skin tone.” Curious at the question, Archie asked, “Do you think you might know someone who would make such a huge financial demand at the point of terrorism?”

“I might have a hunch…”

Jaezred has been tasting the whisky as he listens to Archie. He taps the rim of the third glass on the flight. “Double of this one, neat,” he instructs the bartender, “and for my gentleman friend, whichever he likes.”

As he waits to be served his next drink, he turns back to Archie. “So what happened next? You and your companions gave chase out of the library…?”

Archie shook the second glass in his flight to indicate which one he’d take Lord Jaezred up on.

“What happened next? Well, Lolli I believe contacted Ana via the Message spell, which brought the outside adventurers into the Academy. But us on the outside did not catch up to Lolli and Fog soon enough to aid in the chase. I understand the chase went through the office of a Mr. Tim. But, the culprit escaped capture.
Now that I come to think about it, Lolli did have a description of the individual who took the bait. Councillor Aurelia was called, and as we updated her on events, Lolli said the individual that took the bait sounded male and weedy, when he said the word ‘fuck!’ in surprise at discovering he had been conned. Lady Aurelia then put her own people on the task, and had them thoroughly explore all the gambling haunts for magic, which is when they found explosive glyphs hidden on the dice and cards of the establishments, set to explode in three days’ time, from the day we set our trap.”

The bartender returns with two glasses of whisky of their choice. Jaezred picks his glass up and swirls it contemplatively. “It was good that a bloodbath was avoided. A fine tale indeed, Dr. Haltuhr.”

“Yes. I’m glad we prevented a horror show. Had we apprehended the villain, it would of course have been better. I mean to follow up on the matter, but I’m unsure where to start, and given the example of a spell the individual could perform; I worry I’m not yet skilled enough to confront such a person — no matter how ‘weedy’ Miss Lolli described the voice. Have you discovered anything useful, Lord Jaezred?”

“I was simply wondering if this mystery card-bomber is the same person as the conniving scholar who tricked adventurers into doing his dirty work for him. The one called Tim. There are a couple curious connections between these two figures, but the evidence is not strong. As I said, it is just a hunch.”

“I see,” Archie says, putting his hands together and elbows on the table. “I’ve recently gained access to the Academy for research purposes. I wonder if this Tim should be put under surveillance? An intrusion of privacy, but I would think this warranted given the crime being investigated.”

“Tim is no longer in Daring Heights as far as we know. Currently at large.”

“I see. Well, again I guess that’s no proof, but it does correlate with the possibility of culpability. Does anyone know why Mr. Tim is absent from the Academy?”

“Aside from whatever goals he is trying to pursue, likely because there is now a party of adventurers who feel that he owes them a lot of money.”

“Really,” Archie says, extending the first vowel sound of the word. “I am intrigued now to know what it is Master Tim specialises in. And perhaps if he’s not coming back, maybe I could have his office,” Archie chuckled.

“Ah, you have ambitions for a post at the Academy?”

“Well. I came to the Dawnlands to advance my research into Human longevity. I thought both the practical application of my magical talents as an adventurer, and research into all magic here; could lead towards advancement in my own field. I didn’t think I’d pursue adventuring at my age. But, if I don’t make any headway into my research, then I won't experience the benefit of it.”

“Quite right… So, what was it about magical longevity that you wish to ask me about? I must say, it is not something I have looked very much into, considering, you know…” Jaezred gestures at his elven ears and gives him a cheeky smile.

Archie dips his head forward and smiles. “And how old might you be Lord Jaezred, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I marked my two-hundred-and-fifty-fourth year this past Midwinter.”

The human of the pair pulls his head back, sits up straight and blinks hard. “Well… Colour me jealous, Lord Vandree. Though my physical appearance marks me as the elder of us, I am a youthful fifty-six compared to you.” Archie flashed a cheeky smile back. “You must tell me what moisturiser it is you use.”

“The blood of my enemies. Keeps me spritely,” Jaezred laughs.

Archie joins in with the laughter.

“But, in all seriousness, with your many years of experience, if you see me pursue something ruinous like transforming into a Lich, do steer me in a better direction, please. My only solution I’m pursuing — not as a solution that could be distributed widely, mind you — would be to become proficient in the True Polymorph spell, and join you with extended ears, but more importantly; extended years.”

“You mean to become an elf to achieve longevity?” Jaezred arches a brow, hinting at disapproval. “To be an elf is not merely to have long ears and long years, Doctor; it is to be steeped in the language, culture, community, religion, history, and oftentimes, struggles of the elven peoples. Moreover, whose form do you plan to take?”

“…I speculate that you won't be pleased with whatever answer I give?”’Archie voices his concern, staying upright in his chair. “I’ve only given thought towards improving my competency in the Arcane and my magical endurance, so that I might be capable of performing the spell. Given the difficulty of the spell, there is, I understand, also the Wish spell of similar difficulty that might offer me an extension to my life. So, there could be more than one way for me to reach the summit of the mountain I climb.”

“Indeed, for when it comes to the matter of magical longevity, the real question is: how far are you willing to go? You have already ruled out lichdom, which is probably the most certain yet difficult method. There is also the Clone spell — slightly easier than True Polymorph and Wish but terribly expensive…”

“I quite like the Clone spell as a backup. I don’t suppose you are yourself proficient in any of the aforementioned spells or, know anyone who is?”

“Why, do you wish to see a demonstration?”

“I wish to learn some spells. Or if someone could cast Clone for me, that would be nice — covering the cost would be wonderful too.”

“Hmm. Well, your friend Mendal may have told you of how I used one of those spells to help at the charity event…”

Whilst Archie is looking at Jaezred’s face as they speak, he notices a shift in the periphery of his vision. He looks down and sees that instead of a tumbler glass of whisky in Jaezred’s hand, there is now a large black tarantula, slowly crawling around his palm.

“That said, you and I learn spells in such different ways that I do not think I could meaningfully teach you.” With a flick of a hand, the tarantula is transformed back into a glass, which he tips into his mouth to down the hard liquor.

“I do, however,” he continues with a satisfied sigh and smile, “know someone who might be able to.”