Ex Astris: Ones Perdidimus

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Day 3 following the battle: early morning. After talking to most of his closest friends, especially those hit hard by the aftermath of the gith assault, it is finally time to talk one final ally. He has been in this situation before, of having to be the one to tell someone that their loved one has died in battle, and although he has already seen Kavel already confirming the death of Silvia, it still doesn't make it easier.
Derthaad arrives in the early hours of the morning at the Temple of Selune in search of Sorrel.

The Temple is open and, as befits a temple of the Moon Goddess, a small ceremony is underway. A handful of clerics and monks are gathered round the central pool as moonlight shines through the open ceiling. They're singing a low, mournful melody. Derthaad can make out most of the phrases but it's an ancient form of celestial, so some of the words are lost on him. They are singing for the departed. A mail clad paladin bows politely to Derthaad.

Derthaad returns the polite bow to the paladin and, as to not interrupt the ceremony, without a gesture or a word being uttered, his eyes glow blue as he sends a message directly into the paladin's mind. "I am here to offer my condolences to Sorrel. Where may I find her?"

"Sergeant," he whispers respectfully. "Forgive the security measures, but we have recently had intruders kidnap... well, I'm sure you know. Respectfully, would you object if I checked? They were magically disguised."

"Oh," Derthaad responds, suddenly remembered what has transpired only a couple of weeks before the preparations for the gith invasion. He has forgotten all about it after the recent events. Weird, even though it was the High Diviner, his loss seemed to trivial now compared to how much was lost after the battle 3 days ago. "Of course, go right ahead. I only disguised my cloak black for... obvious reasons."

"It won't take a moment," the paladin assures him. Derthaad recognises the brief incantation and hurried hand gestures of the detect magic spell. The paladin bows again. "Thank you, these are dangerous times. Sorrel is over there."
He points towards a figure in a white initiates robe kneeling at the back of the temple, watching the ceremony intently.

Derthaad is not the religious type, but he knows what Selune means for Sorrel, so he kneels beside her and does not utter a word until the ceremony is over. Even though the melody is mournful, for him, compared to the chaotic mess that has now been laid upon the city, this feels peaceful. He shall take this unusual moment of peace to ease his mind.

As the voices die away and the clerics hurry back to the wards and the rooms for the recently revived, Sorrel leans against Derthaad for a moment then gets to her feet.
"The Temple is a hospital at the moment," she whispers. "It is good to see you Derthaad but let's step outside."

Derthaad nods and follows her.
Once outside, he continues in a low and soft voice "Hello Sorrel, how are holding? My deepest condolences for your loss."

Sorrel bows her head. "Thank you Derthaad. We go back a long way you and I..." she pauses. "Technically we don't. I mean, the battle with the corpse flowers was barely a year ago. But we've hunted such things together since then. I appreciate you taking the time. I stopped listening to the list of the fallen after I heard her name - did you lose anyone?"

Derthaad gives Sorrel a warm smile "I appreciate the honesty," his expression then changing to a more solemn one "And no, I have lost none. I... haven't particularly grown attached to anyone, so, this battle didn't affect me as much, not directly. My friends, including you, however, have been affected much more severe, so the least I can do is be there for them."
His expression gains a more apologetic tone "I was there when it happened, along side Glint. I barely knew, only met her once, so for me it didn't meant more than watching another fellow soldier die, another sister-in-arms. However, I saw the hug she gave Kavel before the fight, so I knew how much she meant to him... and I know how much she meant to you." Although Derthaad's stance is resolute, his eyes betray him, as if he seeks forgiveness. "Which is why I am here. I am deeply sorry for your loss."

Sorrel smiles softly. "Thank you. I know those that fought alongside her feel a sense of guilt but none of you were to blame. You are an old campaigner. I believe you would bring your soldiers home if it was in your power."

Sorrel indicates the steps of the temple and sits. "So what I am about to ask you is a favour that has nothing to do with Silvia's death, I want us both to be clear on that. You owe me nothing. You are a good soldier and you have responsibilities."

She looks up at the moon, gathering strength. "When I was on Gadenthor, I accepted the surrender of Commander Nomina - she called herself Grand Commander. I know how Silvia died, but I don't understand why. I lost someone years ago, and I sought healing in blood. There is a part of me, the old part, that feels I should hunt the Githyanki across time and space until I have killed so many I feel sated or sickened. But I have fought in countless wars since and I have learned that no earthly wars begin purely from evil. I would like to understand. I would like to ask her... could I?"

Derthaad looks at Sorrel, taking in all the information she gives him, his face transitioning from slight surprise, to understanding and then to a more pensive one. When he finally speaks, he looks at her with the same smile as before "Would you like to go for a walk and discuss all of this, or… actually, I’ll just sit here for a while."

As the two sat down, gazing upon the empty streets, partly due to the time and partly due to those who have been evacuated and have yet to return, Derthaad takes in Sorrel's request, mulling it over for a bit until he continues "Right, so, I don't know much about this gith commander you speak of, I just got here yesterday afternoon. But if what you say it's true, then that may be a bit tricky, at least for the time being. Last time I had a gith captured, the Council took him in for questioning, but that gith was a common soldier and it was at a time when we really needed information, when we had no idea what the gith's plans were. Now, we're talking about a high ranking officer. Gran Commander, was it? Sadly, I'm only a mere sergeant, my reach is limited and I feel that, unless I'm the Captain, there will be no sway from me."
Derthaad, realising that this may seem a dead end, continues "However, you may try an appeal to them, try and convince them to let you get the information you want out of her after they got theirs. If that would be the case, I'd be willing to be there and help you."

After a brief pause, Derthaad's voice takes on a more soft tone to it. "I thank you for what you said. However, my conscience tells me otherwise." He shifts, finding another comfortable position to continue, lets out of sigh of what seems to be guilt and frustration. "It's the weight I always feel whenever I have to go to someone's home and let them know that their loved one has died. It's the weight all soldiers carry; the weight we feel whenever one of our members die; the weight of 'we could have done better'."

Sorrel places her hand on Derthaad's shoulder. "Listen to yourself, Derthaad," she smiles. "You tell me, as kindly as you can, that you have to do the right thing as best you possibly can regarding the Gith. That was wise and kind. I cannot imagine you behaving in any other way on the battlefield."

Her eyes close briefly in pain, then she gives a half smile. "We are warriors. We have seen comrades fall when commanders are incompetent. When Silvia fell she was surrounded by excellence and slaughtered by a spell I see as a war crime. The Gith commander implied we had walked into a trap. If that’s true only good luck and Grimes' courage saved us from defeat. The Watch saved the city. No-one in the Watch should feel anything but pride today."

A smile forms on Derthaad's face as he releases a small chuckle "Grimes? He has that effect doesn't he?"
"About your quest for vengeance... I understand that feeling, really. Honestly Sorrel, if I knew Silvia more and if I wasn't bound here, I may have joined you. I am still willing to indeed help set you on that course, to become the Scourge of the Astral Sea -" Derthaad waved his hands to emphasize the title but then stops, glances and points a finger "- that's a good title- " before continuing "- and honestly, I'm pretty sure you may have a following as well. Heck, I think that if you were to post on the boards that you're gonna become an astral pirate to hunt down other astral pirates, you'll get a decent amount of followers, Ivan and Varga may instantly materialize in front of you asking you when you'll be departing." He then ads in a lower tone "If that's what you truly wish."

"However, as you might know, vengeance can fully consume someone." Derthaad then rest his hand on Sorrel's nearest shoulder "Which is why advice that your first order of business would be for you to find the balance between your new self and your old self." Upon retreating his hand, he then looks up at the sky, now the bright blue of early morning before being set by the sun's rays. "I know that the moon has phases, sometimes it's full, other times it's empty, sometimes is shows itself, sometimes it does not. But they always seem to be in perfect balance, always the same number of nights between them. I found this to be fitting for us, for we too have two sides to ourselves, the one we show and the one we don't. I myself am not a religious individual, but I do think that it holds great teachings. Which is why, I believe, that mastering that balance not only will help you achieve your conquest, but also -" his gaze shifting back to Sorrel with friendly eyes "- strengthen your bond with Selune even further."
"I know how important she is to you."

Sorrel nods lost in thought. “There are weighty decisions ahead,” she says finally.
"For all our courage and sacrifice, it was not the Dawnlands that defeated the Githyanki. It was the ancient magic of the Netherese empire. Had they attacked us for plunder, they would have won. It cannot have escaped their notice. I am not that woman who once chased vengeance like the setting sun, but I am not yet a sorrowful widow who sighs away her grief and sets up a school for disadvantaged warlocks. I don't believe this is over because there is no balance when a military force with no honour or respect lays waste to a peaceful land simply to claim a key that they might have gained through negotiation. I am praying for guidance just as I hope the council is deciding on strategy. Because a war crime is not an unfortunate accident. And something must be done."

"It will take a while for the council to reach any decision as to what to do with the gith and their Grand Commander. For the time being, the focus will be to take a breather and rebuild."
Derthaad then gives Sorrel a look of concern and curiosity "I cannot help notice how you talk about it as a war crime; the spell Disintegrate."

"Do you disagree? It destroys so completely that there is no place for mothers to weep over their beloved children. How many choices does a mage have in combat? Why chose the most excessive response merely to inflict terror, despair and annihilation? That is not war - and I have fought in some bloody, brutal wars, Derthaad, believe me. I have executed soldiers who served under me for mutilating the dead. There is no honour and no mercy for filth who desecrate the fallen - and that spell is a desecration of life itself."

Derthaad takes in a deep breath and exhales loudly "I'm pretty sure that, unless it already started, the City Watch Tower along with every temple with have an influx of people coming and asking the same question 'Where is my beloved?' 'Dead' is what the answer will be. 'Where's the body?' 'We don't know, we can't find it.' is what we will tell them. No body for them to bury, for the mothers to weep over, no chance of clerics reviving the fallen, for they have been reduced to ash by the flames of dragons." Derthaad raises one of his hands and snaps his fingers "That's how fast it happens with Disintegrate. And honestly, I would take that over being burned alive. There are spells in this world that lead to a far worse death, spells that deliver so much pain that you'd be begging for that Disintegrate."

Derthaad takes a brief moment, inhaling and exhaling "No Sorrel, I don't think that spell is a war crime for at least it delivers a quick death. That spell hits us hard because when it lands it is final. It is the grim reminder that we are mere mortals who just oh so love to play with fate." Derthaad scoffs "We've been cheating death so many times, I wouldn't be surprised if Kelemvor himself suddenly appeared in front of us and dragged the both of us into the afterlife."

Sorrel stares at the ground for a moment, then raises her head. "Glint said something similar. But what can a dragon do? It is a beast that breathes fire. It is in its nature. What is a mage? A supremely intelligent manipulator of forces beyond my comprehension. Dragons cannot choose. Mages can. We judge crimes on intention. If you choose, specifically, to tear apart the atoms of a creature that opposes you…” she looks sickened. “I have seen mages burn, imprison, even fire these weird little magic missiles... and Glint told me the spell was a Contigency. The last choice. Not to teleport away. Not to raise a shield. To disintegrate Sylvia. I hold that decision to be the same as those who sever the limbs of dead opponents to make it harder to restore them. They are the dirt of the battlefield. That spell is just a more efficient tool deployed by a finely trained mind that knows better."

"War has a way of twisting views on its head. Some will view a Contingency as way to get out and try again later, while others will view it as a means to do everything in their power to fulfill their mission and destroy the enemy." Derthaad, not wanting to upset Sorrel with these types of arguments, places his hand on her shoulder "But... that is a topic for another time. I'm not here to debate your views on things, something that I normally love to, I am here to offer you my audience. If there is anything else that bothers you, I am here to listen."

Sorrel turns and clasps her hand on Derthaad's forearm. "Don't worry, we will not fall out over this," she nods gravely. "My views on this spell go back to the death of Faust and I have considered them for some time. All that bothers me in the here and now is our attackers intentions, the possibility of their return and our weakness in defence. You know I would like an audience with the commander - but either way I offer you, the watch and the Dawnlands my skills as they are needed. In the recent battle, for the first time, I fought not as a mercenary but as a citizen. I liked it. Call on me again under those terms of engagement and I will serve."

She pauses. "But I'm not wearing any stupid uniforms."

Derthaad releases a chuckle at the mention of the uniforms "I know, they get uncomfortable once summer hits."
"But, regarding the services, I also offer you my audience, thoughts and services should anything arise that you may require aid. I also believe we both know where to find the other."

"Good day to you, Sorrel."