Great Intentions 7/06 Nessa's Shades of Grey
Jun 10, 2022 9:06:21 GMT
Velania Kalugina, Andy D, and 1 more like this
Post by Nessa al-Kiram on Jun 10, 2022 9:06:21 GMT
Good vs Evil – the diary of Nessa al-Kiram, aged 5,362 ¾
What is ‘good’? I mean, really? Do we know?
Selûne can be a little vague on the subject, bless her. Which I don’t really need to do as the power I have to bless is hers anyway, but it’s the thought that counts.
She’s tolerant of almost everything – commandments like ‘follow your path with passion’ and ‘don’t be a dick’ are open to interpretation.
However.
There’s a ritual female clerics of Selûne undertake called the ‘night stalk’ that involves dances under the open sky and prayers in the moonlight, with libations of milk and wine.
If the goddess is pleased by the ceremony, she bathes the milk or wine with moonlight, transforming it into a holy substance known as moonfire. This pours from the altar to enchant items, empower the faithful and destroy undead.
Let’s just review those three properties of the most sacred creation of the moonmaiden – enchant and empower the faithful. Destroy undead.
Now let’s take a look at my latest list of achievements...
Morally Questionable Things About the Dawnlands:
1) Helping a lich to become more powerful.
And recently:
2) Freeing from prison a family of vampires that wiped out an entire kingdom.
I think for all her flexibility, it’s safe to assume that empowering the undead would be the kind of questionably liberal interpretation of her teachings that can only be excused by… hang on… nope, can’t think of anything.
Moral Quandary 1: Vampires. I mean, terrible, terrible creatures. Up to all sorts. Drink blood. Cast spells. Bite necks. All the stuff.
But then again…
I’m a little bit obsessed with them. I blame what you’d probably call the library.
You think of a library as a room with a selection of books. Not every book ever written ever. On the celestial plane there’s a… I guess you’d call it a ‘place’ where you can… I guess you’d say ‘read’ what I can only assume you’d define as ‘books.’
It’s way more complex than that and involves dimensions and frequencies and so forth but in short I can take a gander at everything ever written everywhere.
And I choose vampires. O.M.G. but they are so damn hormones-in-the-pleasure-glands producing. I started with the Ladybird Book of Vampires and moved on to Argeneau and the Pastor. Rapscallion’s Brood. The Forbidden Enclave. Insatiable… The word Byronic is one of the few words that exists in every single language and means exactly the same thing in all of them. Whatever a Byron is, it’s impressive.
Anyhoo. Sparks-in-Shade and Celina, who as far as I can tell are fine upstanding citizens of the first order, were gathering people for a thing. Glint and Beets showed up, which should have warned me off because.. lich. But Gerhard helped dilute the brew.
Then someone called the Duchess hoves to in a dress I can only describe as a MotherFucker and sends us off to round up the Burdocks, a family I assume got lost in the forest somewhere and need to be home before the nasty dragons arrive. But then, just as we’re heading into a portal, she lets slip they’re vampires who have been imprisoned for genocide.
Moral Quandary 2: Genocide is Generally Frowned Upon. It’s not the kind of hobby that has a clubhouse and a weekly newsletter.
Says the Duchess: “Darlings, within the Twilight Court of Queen Miandra they have the Burdock family trapped but not in a typical prison. They’re vampires. They are fourhandedly – eighthandedly – responsible for the annihilation of a feywild court – the Court of Clay. I have negotiated with Queen Miandra get this family to come and help us with our defence. She is happy to be rid of them. The Burdocks will have to want to do this. We don’t need too heavy handed a coercion. I know what you’ll say. This sounds like a problem for the future. I’ll tell you what’s a problem for the nearer future – the giant flying city and dragons. Questions?”
I mean so, so many questions. But conversely… vampires….
Moral Quandary 3: The Shiver. Is it supposed to feel like that? So wrong and yet so delicious?
I did have one minor question – if I know about vampires (and I’ve read Crave, These Violent Delights and Amaury’s Hellion so I have done my research) they have these traits in common: a long-lost love that they’re craving through eternity, a distaste for garlic and a strong interest in mortal blood when a vein throbs.
What is to stop them switching from dragon thrashing to a tasty throat or two at the height of the fighting?
The Duchess gave me some Kantas Vague – that language people here use where they don’t actually say anything but hope they’re implying a lot. ‘In the eventuality… resources waiting in the wings… bring weight to bear’ sort of thing.
Could you be a little more specific, I asked.
“I will annihilate them,” she elaborated.
Good enough for me.
The Road to Hell is Paved with Great Intentions
There’s a portal to a place on a lake where the sun never sets – I assume it’s the Twilight Court but it feels a bit like a theme park for ballad writers – and a kind of window… well, an actual window… that takes us into the heart of the sun where the Burdocks are banished along with the tragically lovesick.
I take my halo off to whoever came up with imprisoning vampires inside the actual sun, especially as they managed to clear a space between the uncontrolled fusion of primordial hydrogen and helium that makes up the hot, dense plasma to create an attractive collection of paved streets and tasteful restaurants.
Probably planar or something.
The place is almost idyllic. There’s sunset in every direction, palm trees, people sitting by the trees sighing, sketching or writing, a parade of restaurants. No vampires, just tranquillity and beauty.
“This is a buggin’ trap,” said Beets and I had to agree. The whole place screamed ‘no-one is getting out of here alive.’
Celina, who has something to do with apples, headed to the restaurants – the Serendipity Café, the Star-Crossed Buns Bakery and Rendezvous (see what I mean? You might as well call them all Hotel California) – and picked the latter where she made the noises people make when they see a familiar face. ‘Squeee’ or similar.
It was a vampire in a red dress at a table reading a book drinking a bottle of wine. Exactly my choice the first night of deployment, although I suspected she wasn’t flicking through Kikuchi’s Skin, excellent though it is.
“You are old, you’re back,” she said to Celina.
“You know how to compliment a woman,” Celina replied, which fits into the category known as sarcasm. Humour has so many categories. “We have an opportunity for the family.”
Things moved quickly after that – and by things, I mean the skinny pale article mooning around near the palm trees that was suddenly next to us with an emaciated physique, a single red rose and enough black clothing to bury himself with bits to spare. The student poet look.
Whilst the half orc barmaid wafted past – with, I noted, no legs just a wafting, semi-transparent bottom half trailing away into nothingness – Verity, the woman, and Archie, the emo, heard us out. It took a while.
“Verity, Archie, great to meet you,” Sparks kicked off. “We represent Daring Heights. Sure you’re familiar with the place.”
Their faces were blank.
“Nessa will explain,” he turned to me. I panicked. Neither Minion Mine nor The Twilight Lasso had prepared me for my first vampire meeting. “Beets, how would you put it?”
“Gerhard is probably best place to run through things,” she booted it on.
“Perhaps Jenna is the person to explain,” Gerhard mumbled. “Glint do you know?
“The entire Aegis accords are coming together,” said Glint, proudly.
Verity, I suddenly noticed, was chewing on a pair of lightly flash fried rats – like chapter four of Fevre Kingdom - and seemed none the wiser. “This means nothing to me. Archie?”
“They are offering liberation,” he hazarded shrewdly, looking exactly like Lord Verinais from The Countess and the Shades. “In exchange for a mission, dangerous but essential. If the freedom is permanent rather than just for the mission, it’s interesting.”
Almost at the same time we all realised we hadn’t checked the terms with the Duchess. Verity smirked as if reading our minds. “You can chat next door,” she returned to her wine.
The Council of Buns
The dwarf behind the counter at the Star-Crossed Bakery had a long beard braided into the word ‘bun’.
“Bun?” he said.
We each took a bun.
“Seat?” he added.
We each took a seat.
Suddenly I heard Glint’s voice in my head. “We can speak telepathically,” he said.
“Are they good in a fight?” Sparks asked. “Can they rumble?”
“They can fight,” Celina sounded cautious. “But they need to stick to their word.”
“Can we trust these vampires?” Sparks voice echoed. “Cleric, what say you?”
I looked around the table then realised he meant me. “I’m not sure how good a cleric I am.” I confessed. “I’ve made so many compromises I may just be a person with a mace. But if my reading is correct…” I thought back to Club Noir, Bite Me and Angelica’s Forbidden Bride. “We should find the person who reminds them of the person they used to be. And we might need an inspection programme.”
There was a pause.
“We need to get social workers,” Sparks mused.
“Let’s not get into the specifics,” Glint’s thoughts were soothing and reassuring. “Let’s vote.”
I wasn’t sure what to do. Most hands shot into the air. Glints stayed firmly on his buns. I thought back to the final chapter of Bloodlaced and briefly marvelled at how it set up the spectacular conclusion of Better off Bled then gave up and shrugged. Ginger Carmichael and the vampire sorority were no help to me now.
Thinking of You and the Things You Do to Me
Verity stalked into the café. “Telepathy is cheating,” she hissed. “And hurry the fuck up. Archie has written two poems and is starting on a third.”
“Everybody thinks this is a good idea expect Glint and he’s the smartest person in the room,” Sparks explained.
“How can I help you help us to help you to fight them and not kill you?” Verity stroked Sparks shoulder.
“Let me read your thoughts,” Glint leaned forward.
Verity pulled up a chair and the exchange went something like this:
Glint: “will you screw us over?”
Verity: “no.”
Long pause while Glint frowned.
Glint: “will you kill anyone except Gith?”
Verity: “no.”
Another long pause while Glint frowned.
Glint: “what will your parents say?”
Verity: “I have no clue.” Shorter pause. “My mother is weirdly into sculptures.”
Glint: “if you break the deal is there a way to control you?”
Verity: “control works in couple of ways. Magic, or there’s the carrot and the stick, hope and fear. Can you give us hope to work towards continuing or are you scary enough that we will want to stay in line?”
I knew enough about keeping vampires in line from Blood Bond Unhinged. “Ask if she has a long-lost love,” I whispered.
Glint frowned as if his face was boiling.
“No, I certainly don’t,” Verity snorted.
“Have you generally held up your end of bargains?” Celina whispered.
Glint reeled briefly, then righted himself.
“When we went to the Court of Clay, we just wanted to play tennis. We had no intention of killing everyone,” Verity sounded almost prim. “Look, let’s put this to the fam. Archie!” she bellowed. “Stop writing that drivel. We got to go find the parents, Listen out for sounds of construction.”
And she strode off.
Behold the Poet
Verity and Archie lead us down streets filled with people who seemed to be occupying various stages of transition between full bodied and entirely translucent. I could feel that most if not all of them were no longer alive – the place was full of the undead, but there was no darkness to them. Their state seemed almost natural, although there was such a powerful air of sorrow that I almost wept.
I could see Archie was something of a kindred spirit – I do love tortured adolescent poetry – so I tried to strike up a conversation. “Have you read Extravagant Costumes and Unhappy Virgins?” I ventured. He shook his head. “How about Zendaya’s Submission?” Nope. “The Night of the Lingering Prince? Punish My Intentions? Possessing Xavier?” None of the above.
Perhaps being a vampire made reading about vampires less enticing.
“What’s with all the vanishing people?” I asked. I briefly wondered if that would make a decent title for my own vampire tome, but it lacked a certain ring.
Archie explained that when people died with romantic emotions unfulfilled they can end up here, struggling to resolve the pain they felt in life. They are wistful and nostalgic and spend a lot of time looking off into the sunset and wishing until time and reflection gave them the space to let go.
I suddenly found the whole place immensely beautiful and appealing.
But to business. Archie reminded me of Averast from Claimed by the Immortal, or maybe Count Spirachi in The Fallen Master’s Final Dream… at a push he could be the Mysterious Duke from Lips of Blood… either way, I winked at Glint and popped the question - do you have a long lost love?
Glint staggered as if he’d been punched in the heart as Archie said; “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I suspected that there was more to this than met the eye. Glints reactions might reflect a certain backstory, I thought, and resolved to check in with the esteemed prof when the hurly burly was done.
Eventually we reached a large house undergoing renovations to make it look more like a giant killer eye with tentacles of death. I wondered how the plumbing was going to adapt to the new design.
“Ma!” Verity hollered. “The hat lady is back!”
“I gave them a hat that produces living rats,” Celina whispered. Of course! Just like Ameena in Bitter Intimacy!
The parents emerged, Cassie and Thresh, and their eagerness to fight gave me pause. Cassie in particular seemed eager. She reminded me of the Queen in Nine Weeks of Hunger so I nodded to Glint and asked Cassie for a word.
When I asked if she had a long-lost love, she actually turned and looked Glint in the eye as if she knew he was reading her thoughts.
Glints eyes opened wide, and he started to tremble, scribbling frantically in a note book.
“Why do you ask?” Cassie drawled.
“Well, as it says in L. C. Peroux’s classic His Fangs on Me, vampires all share a distaste for garlic and a long-lost love,” I explained.
“I love garlic,” Cassie licked her lips in a manner I can only describe as lascivious. “And I am married.”
She stalked off and Glint showed me his notebook.
................................!
My word....
I have never seen such things.
I did not know most of them were even possible.
The… whole vibe made Sister of the Loin King feel more like a children’s book than a work banned on eight different worlds.
I had to sit down for a minute.
Never Fight a Land War in Asia and Never Challenge a Vampire to Single Combat
By the time my heart had slowed down, Archie seemed to be concluding the deal with Sparks.
“And finally, no communing with eldritch powers,” Sparks was saying.
“How eldritch?” Archie raised an eyebrow.
“10,” said Sparks. “10 eldritch.”
Everyone seemed satisfied except Beets. “How do we know if they can fight? Shouldn’t we have some sort of performance related pay worked in?”
“Would you like a demonstration?” Thresh spoke with a voice like tombstones grinding.
We all shook our heads except Beets who drew her sword and grinned.
Thresh lead us to a hedged off fighting square and on the way I managed to imbue Beets with charms of protection whilst Sparks wove arcane spells of martial prowess around her.
And they did her no good at all.
Thresh took the poor fey barbarian apart with a studied casualness that was almost offensive. When he finally sank his fangs into her neck it didn’t look anything like I’d imagined it from Eternal Liaison or Mortal Pet. It just looked nasty.
Maybe vampires aren’t as sexy as I thought.
Maybe they are the servants of evil the priests say they are.
I felt rage building inside me.
And lo, the wrath of divine justice was terrible within me and I was revealed in the radiance of heaven, raising the symbol of Selûne against all ungodliness, cruel, with fury and burning anger, ready to smite down the unholy and make this land a desolation!
I do beg your pardon. It comes upon me now and then. It certainly scared ten kinds of shit out of the Burdocks when my wings unfurled.
The deal done, there was one last question burning in my mind. I beckoned to Thresh and winked a Glint, then took the vamp along this strange translucent wall that seemed to have sprung up between the party and the family. Magic, no doubt.
We met at the end of the wall, and I asked – do you have a long-lost love?
I have never seen any creature show such fear. His eyes flickered like a cornered beast. “Why would you ask such a thing?” he whispered, then spoke loudly. “What nonsense. I am in love with my wife.”
Glint smirked. “I think we have leverage on most of them now,” he said, patting his notebook. “Cunning work, Nessa.”
If only he knew. It wasn’t cunning at all. I just want to understand love.
If you’re interested, I do recommend Bite Heat, Descent into Darkness, Those Broken Bones, Sea of Desire, Barnie Stromorvich and the Trousers of Doom, and the Count of Barovia Goes Forth.
Let the books fall open at the well-thumbed pages. That’s what I did.
Full Bibliography
The Ladybird Book of Vampires
Argeneau and the Pastor
Rapscallion’s Brood
The Forbidden Enclave
Insatiable
Eternal Liaison
Mortal Pet
Crave
These Violent Delights
Amaury’s Hellion
Kikuchi’s Skin
Minion Mine
The Twilight Lasso
Fevre Kingdom
The Countess and the Shades
Club Noir
Bite Me
Angelica’s Forbidden Bride.
Bloodlaced
Better off Bled
Extravagant Costumes and Unhappy Virgins
Zendaya’s Submission
The Night of the Lingering Prince
Punish My Intentions
Possessing Xavier
Claimed by the Immortal
The Fallen Master’s Final Dream
Lips of Blood
Bitter Intimacy
Nine Weeks of Hunger
His Fangs on Me
Sister of the Loin King
Bite Heat
Descent into Darkness
Those Broken Bones
Sea of Desire
Barnie Stromorvich and the Trousers of Doom
The Count of Barovia Goes Forth
What is ‘good’? I mean, really? Do we know?
Selûne can be a little vague on the subject, bless her. Which I don’t really need to do as the power I have to bless is hers anyway, but it’s the thought that counts.
She’s tolerant of almost everything – commandments like ‘follow your path with passion’ and ‘don’t be a dick’ are open to interpretation.
However.
There’s a ritual female clerics of Selûne undertake called the ‘night stalk’ that involves dances under the open sky and prayers in the moonlight, with libations of milk and wine.
If the goddess is pleased by the ceremony, she bathes the milk or wine with moonlight, transforming it into a holy substance known as moonfire. This pours from the altar to enchant items, empower the faithful and destroy undead.
Let’s just review those three properties of the most sacred creation of the moonmaiden – enchant and empower the faithful. Destroy undead.
Now let’s take a look at my latest list of achievements...
Morally Questionable Things About the Dawnlands:
1) Helping a lich to become more powerful.
And recently:
2) Freeing from prison a family of vampires that wiped out an entire kingdom.
I think for all her flexibility, it’s safe to assume that empowering the undead would be the kind of questionably liberal interpretation of her teachings that can only be excused by… hang on… nope, can’t think of anything.
Moral Quandary 1: Vampires. I mean, terrible, terrible creatures. Up to all sorts. Drink blood. Cast spells. Bite necks. All the stuff.
But then again…
I’m a little bit obsessed with them. I blame what you’d probably call the library.
You think of a library as a room with a selection of books. Not every book ever written ever. On the celestial plane there’s a… I guess you’d call it a ‘place’ where you can… I guess you’d say ‘read’ what I can only assume you’d define as ‘books.’
It’s way more complex than that and involves dimensions and frequencies and so forth but in short I can take a gander at everything ever written everywhere.
And I choose vampires. O.M.G. but they are so damn hormones-in-the-pleasure-glands producing. I started with the Ladybird Book of Vampires and moved on to Argeneau and the Pastor. Rapscallion’s Brood. The Forbidden Enclave. Insatiable… The word Byronic is one of the few words that exists in every single language and means exactly the same thing in all of them. Whatever a Byron is, it’s impressive.
Anyhoo. Sparks-in-Shade and Celina, who as far as I can tell are fine upstanding citizens of the first order, were gathering people for a thing. Glint and Beets showed up, which should have warned me off because.. lich. But Gerhard helped dilute the brew.
Then someone called the Duchess hoves to in a dress I can only describe as a MotherFucker and sends us off to round up the Burdocks, a family I assume got lost in the forest somewhere and need to be home before the nasty dragons arrive. But then, just as we’re heading into a portal, she lets slip they’re vampires who have been imprisoned for genocide.
Moral Quandary 2: Genocide is Generally Frowned Upon. It’s not the kind of hobby that has a clubhouse and a weekly newsletter.
Says the Duchess: “Darlings, within the Twilight Court of Queen Miandra they have the Burdock family trapped but not in a typical prison. They’re vampires. They are fourhandedly – eighthandedly – responsible for the annihilation of a feywild court – the Court of Clay. I have negotiated with Queen Miandra get this family to come and help us with our defence. She is happy to be rid of them. The Burdocks will have to want to do this. We don’t need too heavy handed a coercion. I know what you’ll say. This sounds like a problem for the future. I’ll tell you what’s a problem for the nearer future – the giant flying city and dragons. Questions?”
I mean so, so many questions. But conversely… vampires….
Moral Quandary 3: The Shiver. Is it supposed to feel like that? So wrong and yet so delicious?
I did have one minor question – if I know about vampires (and I’ve read Crave, These Violent Delights and Amaury’s Hellion so I have done my research) they have these traits in common: a long-lost love that they’re craving through eternity, a distaste for garlic and a strong interest in mortal blood when a vein throbs.
What is to stop them switching from dragon thrashing to a tasty throat or two at the height of the fighting?
The Duchess gave me some Kantas Vague – that language people here use where they don’t actually say anything but hope they’re implying a lot. ‘In the eventuality… resources waiting in the wings… bring weight to bear’ sort of thing.
Could you be a little more specific, I asked.
“I will annihilate them,” she elaborated.
Good enough for me.
The Road to Hell is Paved with Great Intentions
There’s a portal to a place on a lake where the sun never sets – I assume it’s the Twilight Court but it feels a bit like a theme park for ballad writers – and a kind of window… well, an actual window… that takes us into the heart of the sun where the Burdocks are banished along with the tragically lovesick.
I take my halo off to whoever came up with imprisoning vampires inside the actual sun, especially as they managed to clear a space between the uncontrolled fusion of primordial hydrogen and helium that makes up the hot, dense plasma to create an attractive collection of paved streets and tasteful restaurants.
Probably planar or something.
The place is almost idyllic. There’s sunset in every direction, palm trees, people sitting by the trees sighing, sketching or writing, a parade of restaurants. No vampires, just tranquillity and beauty.
“This is a buggin’ trap,” said Beets and I had to agree. The whole place screamed ‘no-one is getting out of here alive.’
Celina, who has something to do with apples, headed to the restaurants – the Serendipity Café, the Star-Crossed Buns Bakery and Rendezvous (see what I mean? You might as well call them all Hotel California) – and picked the latter where she made the noises people make when they see a familiar face. ‘Squeee’ or similar.
It was a vampire in a red dress at a table reading a book drinking a bottle of wine. Exactly my choice the first night of deployment, although I suspected she wasn’t flicking through Kikuchi’s Skin, excellent though it is.
“You are old, you’re back,” she said to Celina.
“You know how to compliment a woman,” Celina replied, which fits into the category known as sarcasm. Humour has so many categories. “We have an opportunity for the family.”
Things moved quickly after that – and by things, I mean the skinny pale article mooning around near the palm trees that was suddenly next to us with an emaciated physique, a single red rose and enough black clothing to bury himself with bits to spare. The student poet look.
Whilst the half orc barmaid wafted past – with, I noted, no legs just a wafting, semi-transparent bottom half trailing away into nothingness – Verity, the woman, and Archie, the emo, heard us out. It took a while.
“Verity, Archie, great to meet you,” Sparks kicked off. “We represent Daring Heights. Sure you’re familiar with the place.”
Their faces were blank.
“Nessa will explain,” he turned to me. I panicked. Neither Minion Mine nor The Twilight Lasso had prepared me for my first vampire meeting. “Beets, how would you put it?”
“Gerhard is probably best place to run through things,” she booted it on.
“Perhaps Jenna is the person to explain,” Gerhard mumbled. “Glint do you know?
“The entire Aegis accords are coming together,” said Glint, proudly.
Verity, I suddenly noticed, was chewing on a pair of lightly flash fried rats – like chapter four of Fevre Kingdom - and seemed none the wiser. “This means nothing to me. Archie?”
“They are offering liberation,” he hazarded shrewdly, looking exactly like Lord Verinais from The Countess and the Shades. “In exchange for a mission, dangerous but essential. If the freedom is permanent rather than just for the mission, it’s interesting.”
Almost at the same time we all realised we hadn’t checked the terms with the Duchess. Verity smirked as if reading our minds. “You can chat next door,” she returned to her wine.
The Council of Buns
The dwarf behind the counter at the Star-Crossed Bakery had a long beard braided into the word ‘bun’.
“Bun?” he said.
We each took a bun.
“Seat?” he added.
We each took a seat.
Suddenly I heard Glint’s voice in my head. “We can speak telepathically,” he said.
“Are they good in a fight?” Sparks asked. “Can they rumble?”
“They can fight,” Celina sounded cautious. “But they need to stick to their word.”
“Can we trust these vampires?” Sparks voice echoed. “Cleric, what say you?”
I looked around the table then realised he meant me. “I’m not sure how good a cleric I am.” I confessed. “I’ve made so many compromises I may just be a person with a mace. But if my reading is correct…” I thought back to Club Noir, Bite Me and Angelica’s Forbidden Bride. “We should find the person who reminds them of the person they used to be. And we might need an inspection programme.”
There was a pause.
“We need to get social workers,” Sparks mused.
“Let’s not get into the specifics,” Glint’s thoughts were soothing and reassuring. “Let’s vote.”
I wasn’t sure what to do. Most hands shot into the air. Glints stayed firmly on his buns. I thought back to the final chapter of Bloodlaced and briefly marvelled at how it set up the spectacular conclusion of Better off Bled then gave up and shrugged. Ginger Carmichael and the vampire sorority were no help to me now.
Thinking of You and the Things You Do to Me
Verity stalked into the café. “Telepathy is cheating,” she hissed. “And hurry the fuck up. Archie has written two poems and is starting on a third.”
“Everybody thinks this is a good idea expect Glint and he’s the smartest person in the room,” Sparks explained.
“How can I help you help us to help you to fight them and not kill you?” Verity stroked Sparks shoulder.
“Let me read your thoughts,” Glint leaned forward.
Verity pulled up a chair and the exchange went something like this:
Glint: “will you screw us over?”
Verity: “no.”
Long pause while Glint frowned.
Glint: “will you kill anyone except Gith?”
Verity: “no.”
Another long pause while Glint frowned.
Glint: “what will your parents say?”
Verity: “I have no clue.” Shorter pause. “My mother is weirdly into sculptures.”
Glint: “if you break the deal is there a way to control you?”
Verity: “control works in couple of ways. Magic, or there’s the carrot and the stick, hope and fear. Can you give us hope to work towards continuing or are you scary enough that we will want to stay in line?”
I knew enough about keeping vampires in line from Blood Bond Unhinged. “Ask if she has a long-lost love,” I whispered.
Glint frowned as if his face was boiling.
“No, I certainly don’t,” Verity snorted.
“Have you generally held up your end of bargains?” Celina whispered.
Glint reeled briefly, then righted himself.
“When we went to the Court of Clay, we just wanted to play tennis. We had no intention of killing everyone,” Verity sounded almost prim. “Look, let’s put this to the fam. Archie!” she bellowed. “Stop writing that drivel. We got to go find the parents, Listen out for sounds of construction.”
And she strode off.
Behold the Poet
Verity and Archie lead us down streets filled with people who seemed to be occupying various stages of transition between full bodied and entirely translucent. I could feel that most if not all of them were no longer alive – the place was full of the undead, but there was no darkness to them. Their state seemed almost natural, although there was such a powerful air of sorrow that I almost wept.
I could see Archie was something of a kindred spirit – I do love tortured adolescent poetry – so I tried to strike up a conversation. “Have you read Extravagant Costumes and Unhappy Virgins?” I ventured. He shook his head. “How about Zendaya’s Submission?” Nope. “The Night of the Lingering Prince? Punish My Intentions? Possessing Xavier?” None of the above.
Perhaps being a vampire made reading about vampires less enticing.
“What’s with all the vanishing people?” I asked. I briefly wondered if that would make a decent title for my own vampire tome, but it lacked a certain ring.
Archie explained that when people died with romantic emotions unfulfilled they can end up here, struggling to resolve the pain they felt in life. They are wistful and nostalgic and spend a lot of time looking off into the sunset and wishing until time and reflection gave them the space to let go.
I suddenly found the whole place immensely beautiful and appealing.
But to business. Archie reminded me of Averast from Claimed by the Immortal, or maybe Count Spirachi in The Fallen Master’s Final Dream… at a push he could be the Mysterious Duke from Lips of Blood… either way, I winked at Glint and popped the question - do you have a long lost love?
Glint staggered as if he’d been punched in the heart as Archie said; “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I suspected that there was more to this than met the eye. Glints reactions might reflect a certain backstory, I thought, and resolved to check in with the esteemed prof when the hurly burly was done.
Eventually we reached a large house undergoing renovations to make it look more like a giant killer eye with tentacles of death. I wondered how the plumbing was going to adapt to the new design.
“Ma!” Verity hollered. “The hat lady is back!”
“I gave them a hat that produces living rats,” Celina whispered. Of course! Just like Ameena in Bitter Intimacy!
The parents emerged, Cassie and Thresh, and their eagerness to fight gave me pause. Cassie in particular seemed eager. She reminded me of the Queen in Nine Weeks of Hunger so I nodded to Glint and asked Cassie for a word.
When I asked if she had a long-lost love, she actually turned and looked Glint in the eye as if she knew he was reading her thoughts.
Glints eyes opened wide, and he started to tremble, scribbling frantically in a note book.
“Why do you ask?” Cassie drawled.
“Well, as it says in L. C. Peroux’s classic His Fangs on Me, vampires all share a distaste for garlic and a long-lost love,” I explained.
“I love garlic,” Cassie licked her lips in a manner I can only describe as lascivious. “And I am married.”
She stalked off and Glint showed me his notebook.
................................!
My word....
I have never seen such things.
I did not know most of them were even possible.
The… whole vibe made Sister of the Loin King feel more like a children’s book than a work banned on eight different worlds.
I had to sit down for a minute.
Never Fight a Land War in Asia and Never Challenge a Vampire to Single Combat
By the time my heart had slowed down, Archie seemed to be concluding the deal with Sparks.
“And finally, no communing with eldritch powers,” Sparks was saying.
“How eldritch?” Archie raised an eyebrow.
“10,” said Sparks. “10 eldritch.”
Everyone seemed satisfied except Beets. “How do we know if they can fight? Shouldn’t we have some sort of performance related pay worked in?”
“Would you like a demonstration?” Thresh spoke with a voice like tombstones grinding.
We all shook our heads except Beets who drew her sword and grinned.
Thresh lead us to a hedged off fighting square and on the way I managed to imbue Beets with charms of protection whilst Sparks wove arcane spells of martial prowess around her.
And they did her no good at all.
Thresh took the poor fey barbarian apart with a studied casualness that was almost offensive. When he finally sank his fangs into her neck it didn’t look anything like I’d imagined it from Eternal Liaison or Mortal Pet. It just looked nasty.
Maybe vampires aren’t as sexy as I thought.
Maybe they are the servants of evil the priests say they are.
I felt rage building inside me.
And lo, the wrath of divine justice was terrible within me and I was revealed in the radiance of heaven, raising the symbol of Selûne against all ungodliness, cruel, with fury and burning anger, ready to smite down the unholy and make this land a desolation!
I do beg your pardon. It comes upon me now and then. It certainly scared ten kinds of shit out of the Burdocks when my wings unfurled.
The deal done, there was one last question burning in my mind. I beckoned to Thresh and winked a Glint, then took the vamp along this strange translucent wall that seemed to have sprung up between the party and the family. Magic, no doubt.
We met at the end of the wall, and I asked – do you have a long-lost love?
I have never seen any creature show such fear. His eyes flickered like a cornered beast. “Why would you ask such a thing?” he whispered, then spoke loudly. “What nonsense. I am in love with my wife.”
Glint smirked. “I think we have leverage on most of them now,” he said, patting his notebook. “Cunning work, Nessa.”
If only he knew. It wasn’t cunning at all. I just want to understand love.
If you’re interested, I do recommend Bite Heat, Descent into Darkness, Those Broken Bones, Sea of Desire, Barnie Stromorvich and the Trousers of Doom, and the Count of Barovia Goes Forth.
Let the books fall open at the well-thumbed pages. That’s what I did.
Full Bibliography
The Ladybird Book of Vampires
Argeneau and the Pastor
Rapscallion’s Brood
The Forbidden Enclave
Insatiable
Eternal Liaison
Mortal Pet
Crave
These Violent Delights
Amaury’s Hellion
Kikuchi’s Skin
Minion Mine
The Twilight Lasso
Fevre Kingdom
The Countess and the Shades
Club Noir
Bite Me
Angelica’s Forbidden Bride.
Bloodlaced
Better off Bled
Extravagant Costumes and Unhappy Virgins
Zendaya’s Submission
The Night of the Lingering Prince
Punish My Intentions
Possessing Xavier
Claimed by the Immortal
The Fallen Master’s Final Dream
Lips of Blood
Bitter Intimacy
Nine Weeks of Hunger
His Fangs on Me
Sister of the Loin King
Bite Heat
Descent into Darkness
Those Broken Bones
Sea of Desire
Barnie Stromorvich and the Trousers of Doom
The Count of Barovia Goes Forth