The Hills are alive with the sound of reptilian eyes

The bartender looks up: “Here! I gave you a gold piece earlier to stop playi….”

“Gather one and all,” the bard shouts over him, “to hear me, Lachlan Thorne, bard extraordinaire, recount the tale of Generous Erik, noble patron to the arts AND DEFINITELY NOT A KOBOLD-HATING RACIST, as he lead a party of brave souls in their encounter with an insidious snake cult!”


“Not one day ago, a motley crew of adventurers gathered in this very place in response to a summons from Kalik. They soon nearly found themselves in hot water after one of the party tried to insist on giving their employer absolution during his ablutions.


However, undeterred and well-stocked with provisions from the local alchemist, Dyllon…


…the group struck out to the West to find some of your missing townsfolk.

Accompanying noble, generous, courageous, generous, talented, generous Erik was a cleric of both stout heart and stature; Demik, a necromancer full of tricks; a Paladin, making such a din about his god; two Rogues – a profession obviously in vogue – and a Half-Orc who, try as he might, couldn’t help but roll shi….”

[“None of that language in here!” the barman interjects "I don't care if it spoils the sequence of rhymes!"]

Ahem. Anyway. Just a few hours after leaving the safety of the city’s walls, your heroes were set upon by a vicious band of at least 10 20 40 70 Xvarts. Caring not for his own safety, Erik flung himself headlong into the group, brandishing his greatsword!

Alas, Erik couldn’t hit a damn thing through foul trickery and guile, the evil creatures casted spell after spell at Erik, blinding his sight and deflecting his otherwise mighty blows. His companions, seeing their leader in such plight, sprang to his aid: some lucky shooting from Flik combined with chilling magic from Demik soon routed the fiends. After some timely healing from our virtuous cleric, the party moved on, determined to make their destination before last orders nightfall.

We soon came to a sinister-looking cave, guarded by a number of unknown serpentine figures. Some ingenious divine interference from Demik convinced the feeble-minded fools to take a literal hike. With the way clear, the party crept into the mouth of the cave, not knowing what horrors lay beyond…

Inside, they were greeted with eerie silence and seemingly abandoned dwellings, before eventually coming into contact with two budget Medusas nightmarish creatures, with snakes for limbs and hate in their souls. A long and ferocious battle ensued, with both sides trading blows and insults. Eventually, in the heart of the cave, Dvärgar Caveforged utterly caved in the head of the last foe.

As well as a righteous victory, our group found crucial intelligence on the activities of the villains, which we will provide to the guard at a hefty price as I nearly died be more than happy to turn over to the authorities to aid their duty.

Weary but triumphant, our heroes made the long trek back to Daring Heights and the grateful thanks of the town – thereby concluding this thrilling chapter in the saga of Erik the Generous/Handsome/Clever/Mighty.

Remember, for all your healing needs, shop at Dyllon’s or you certainly will DieLong – 10% off if you mention my name, Lachlan Thorne, bard extraordinaire – that’s L-A-C-H-L-A-N T-H-O......”