Serving Justice Unseen - Celina Zabinski - 27/04/2022

Judge Barry
You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Barry IXV? The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final. This is Judge Barry.

Written by Celina Zabinski

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It all started with a letter.
And my first thought after reading this is… who the f**k is Barry?

Re-reading the letter it seems like this could potentially be serious. But my brain can’t work out who this council of Barry is. Have the guards from the City Watch come together to put me on trial? Maybe it would be wise to get some actual help. I decide to write a quick letter to the one person in City Watch who… may…. just be able to help me, Derthaad. I ask him if he could come to my apple shop and that I might need his help with something which may or may not be serious. I decide to forget about it that evening and just have a good night’s sleep.

The next morning, I go down and open my shop and start working as normal. Smiggles Fizzlebang, my trustworthy gnome employee arrives to the shop and get to work on selling some apples. I mean she is just as good as me at sweet talking people into buying things and when I can’t do some of the ‘special apples’ she takes over. We’re a good team. I definitely picked good when I hired her. It’s been just the two of us for a while now in this shop. I can tell today will be a busy day. I pull out my mysterious letter and read it again. I notice it says to bring witnesses. I mean what even is this? I tell Smiggles to go help some of the customers out back with some of the special apples. I wanted to help some of the lovely new faces. She nods and disappears out of sight.

I notice some people walk by my shop and I immediately call them in and start my usual spiel. However, I decide after few minutes that these people would be perfect as character witnesses. I mean they know sweet humble Celina, so they could do great to help me out. I immediately ask them if they had plans today and would they be kind enough to help out an innocent apple shop keeper with a request. That I need some witnesses for some trial things today and I could use some local people to help my case. I promise them all lots of apples in exchange for helping. They hesitate in the beginning, but they eventually agree to help. I bring them into my shop and decided to work on getting to know them. Three people join me and I learn their names are Albede, Vythe and Wren. I notice then that Wren has a fox with them which they call Beans. Beans seems to be eyeing up all the apples in the shop intently. I can tell they know good apples. Suddenly the bell goes and the door opens again to the shop. In walks Derthaad. He arrived. I laugh as I wasn’t sure if he was going to come or not but he’s here. I smile and look around. Surely this is good for whatever the hell is going to happen, right?

Derthaad asks me who the hell I pissed off this time. I tell him I have no clue and I don’t piss off people. I mean maybe I did… but why would I admit that. I show them all the letter I received. They take turns reading it. Just as the last person is done reading the letter, the bell to the door of the shop goes off again. I glance over but I can’t see anyone there and the door closes. Then out of nowhere a purple toad with yellow spots appears on the shops counter in front of me, accompanied by a note. I look at the note and it reads:


Avail yourself? What does that mean? We start to wonder what that could mean, when suddenly the toad sticks out his tongue. We look to the toad and I say we have to lick you in order to see the carriage? It nods it head. Ewww, that’s definitely gross. I debate with the toad that if I don’t lick it and just run from here I don’t have to go to this right? The toad just a gesture of knife to ones throat. Jeesh, that toad needs to lighten up. We all debate who should lick the toad and eventually I decide to do it. I stare at the toad and glare at it. It stares at me. We hold eye contact and I realise this is going to be weird. I pick the toad and hesitate for a moment. I could just drop the toad now and run. It continues to stare at me. Ugh I can’t drop the toad. However I can’t lick it while it’s staring at me. I turn it so I can lick its back. The toad stays still the whole time. Eventually, I count to three in my head and I give it a quick lick. It tastes vile and slimy. It’s just gross and I want to gag. I put the toad back down on the counter. I am about to complain nothing has happened and that I did that all for absolutely nothing, when suddenly I get hit with an explosion of colours. Like my whole vision changes. It’s honestly like a whole new world just opens in front of me. So many things I hadn’t noticed before. It is truly a beautiful sight. I look outside the window and see a massive carriage with some spectral horses. But I can actually see them. This way of seeing things is amazing. I turn to the others and tell them there’s soo many colours and things, they have to try it. This is where I see the others have a different approach to licking the toad. Albede is the first one to use her fingers to go down the toads back, then lick her fingers. I mean that’s a smart way too. No actually licking the toad. Then Derthaad and Vythe do the same thing. I sigh at them not actually licking the toad. It was just me for grossness. Wren looks at the toad and says they aren’t licking it, then they cast a spell on them. After everyone’s ready, we then all make our way out to the carriage and hop in. As Albede hops in I notice she’s carrying the toad with her.

The journey takes a few minutes and we are travelling fast. It’s hard to work out the distance on how far we’re travelling. I am about to start randomly singing, when out of nowhere the carriage just stops. We’re in the middle of the forest. We all look around at our new surroundings. Wren mentions that they know everywhere around Port Ffirst but they’ve never seen these woods before. I start to feel mildly concerned. There’s an obvious path that leads through the woods. We decide to follow it.

As I am walking down, suddenly there’s a voice coming from the distance. “Celina, Celina. You made it. I knew you’d show up”.

I shout back confused “Do I know you? Who is this?”.

“It’s me, Barry”, the voice says excitedly.

I start to work out in my head all the Barry’s I’ve met and none of them are ringing any bells. Derthaad then mentions to me “Hey Celina, don’t you have an unseen servant that you call Barry?”. Realisation just floods my brain and suddenly everything clicks. Everything starts making more sense.

“OMG Barry. Barry? Barry! What the hell?”. I’ve never heard Barry speak before, this is all strange territory. Are unseen servants supposed to talk? Barry seems to sound slightly disappointed that I didn’t recognised him. That can’t be my fault, this whole day is weird.

“I see you’ve brought all the people to prove you’re not a horrible person. That’s great. You’ll need then. I have to go now but good luck and I hope you don’t die”.

Further realisations hit me, the council of Barry’s is all my unseen servant’s? What the hell? Also this can’t be good. Flashes quickly flood my mind of horrible situations I’ve put Barry through. I keep my thoughts to myself but mentally think “Well this can’t be good”.

The others ask me what he means. I lie and say I have no clue and this sounds like a very big misunderstanding. I don’t look at them I don’t want then to know I’m lying and I continue walking forward. Just as I turn around a corner I can see a castle with a banner hung outside it saying ‘We is Barry’s’. I laugh at the name. “I think this must be the place”. I take a deep breath and turn to the others to see if they’ll follow me. They are still here, I am thankful for that. Then I take one step forward and another and make my way into this castle.

As I enter the castle the whole room is filled with people. It looks like a courtroom. We are all ushered to the front tables facing the judge. The judge staring at us looks like a stern man. Tall with an unfriendly face. Neutral composure. Very hard to get a read on him. I take a quick glance around the room to the others in the stalls watching in. I can make out a sexy red skinned Tiefling and some large goblin at the back. There’s also tons of famous people I recognise, such as Roberto Towney Jr, Sterile Streep, Juicy Lawless, David Bowtie, and is that Tina the warrior princess? Wow I wonder why are they’re all here?

The judge begins talking. “We are the council of Barry’s. You are here with all the Barry’s you have summoned and left die in perilously situation. We are here to decide the faith of you Miss Celina Zabinski. You have been accused of multiple accounts of notorious crimes. How do you plead?”

I look towards the judge and think this is absolutely ridiculous.

I confidently say “Not Guilty”.

A loud murmur runs through the room of disapproval. This is not what they wanted me to say clearly. The judge uses his gavel to command silence in the room. He mentions that he is going to start with the character witnesses I bought and he starts to call each of them up one by one.

First person that’s call up in Derthaad, Judge Barry starts to ask Derthaad a number of questions. Such as is Celina honest? Has Celina ever behaved in a way that’s dishonest? Has she ever withheld information she doesn’t want to share? Derthaad’s answer actually surprises me. He didn’t hang me out to dry but he gave the Judge information as requested.

The judge moves onto the next witness, Wren. The judge asks Wren if they have ever taken anything? Wren looks confused and asks for the reason for this question. They’re not the ones on trial. The judge mentions that they want to check the validity of their character for being a witness. Wen nods and they mention they stole something once when they were younger but they were young and naïve at the time. The judge stares at Wren and moves on.

Next up is Vythe. The judge asks if they have also every taken anything like property? Vythe starts to debate with the judge the validity of the question and frankly manages to confuse the judge. I think to myself damn this guy knows how to argue. I will note this for future things. The judge also moves on.

Finally Albede is called. The judge asks her why is it that she’s here? Albede mentions that she’s here because Celina is a nice person and she asked her nicely to come and that’s why she’s here. Albede, just comes across as lovely and sweet. I think she’s perfect to win some of the people over.

After hearing everyone talk on behalf of me I am pleased with the people I brought. I smile around to all my allies.

The judge has a moment to think and then says that he will accept all the witnesses and we can proceed with the trial. However if Celina is found guilty he will sentence everyone to death. This seems to shock all of us. Derthaad immediately jumps in and says how is this fair and what jurisdiction did they have to condemn everyone if found guilty. The judge mentions that they have their own rules here made up by the council of Barry and they can do whatever they feel like here. This is Barry land and normal rules don’t apply.

Before anyone has any other question he mentions that the trial is about to start. That we must walk in the shoes that the Barry’s have been through. All of us are then ushered into a room and the door shuts behind us.

As I look into the new room, I try to make out everything. I quickly realise this whole place is not good. There’s a guillotine blade that swings forward and back in the room. Flamethrowers start bursting out from each side of the walls up ahead. The titles look like they could be booby trapped and any wrong move could set them off to mysterious things. Spikes on pillars start twirling back and forth across the room. In the distance there’s a scroll that we clearly need to get. The whole place looks like a death trap. I think back to a time when I had asked a Barry to retrieve an item in a horrible situation somewhat similar to this. Now I have to do the same. I think to myself “OH FUCKITY F**k”. We all look around confused how to approach this, I start to debate summoning a new Barry to help us. I chuckle at the idea and decide that probably wouldn’t help my case… but it’s Derthaad who quickly jumps into action. He casts a spell 'Thunder Step' and immediately is teleported to the back of the room to where the scroll is. He picks it up casts his magic again and seconds later he is back up with us at the start. Damn that was impressive. We all start wondering where we’re supposed to go now when a voice from the top of the room echoes down.

“Celina go through the door. I know you can do this trial and prove to people you’re not a horrible person. I believe in you. Woohoo”

I chuckle to myself and shout back “Thank you Barry”.

At least one of these Barry’s doesn’t want my head. I wonder which of the Barry’s this is. But meanwhile I look for the door and suddenly it’s obvious where it is. I go to open it but it’s locked. I take out my thieves’ tools and start to work on the lock. Vythe sees what I’m doing and offers some suggestions on different angles to move the tools. I hadn’t thought of these before and it helps. Within moments the door is open. The guillotine looks like it’s making its way closer to us. It’s obvious we need to move and fast. I jump into the next room, as does everyone else. And the door closes behind us as the last person makes it through. We all look to Derthaad and ask him to open the scroll. He first casts ‘detect magic’ but he can’t see anything that could be potentially harmful. He opens it and read the scroll. It says:


We wonder what does that mean. Is it a clue for this next room? We leave it for a moment and look at the room we’re in. Ahead of us a large wall about 30 foot high with one small gap. It’s not large enough for any of us to fit through. I remember when I summoned a Barry to fit through a gap like this to fetch something. Why is this a bad thing? Derthaad decides to use Steve his gecko to crawl down and see what’s ahead. He does this and tells us that there’s a scroll ahead but it’s blocked by a gate In front of it. Steve can’t open the gate he’s too small. We look around further and notice there’s another gap in the wall but it’s up at about 8 foot. It looks bigger than the current hole. Vythe suggests that he can crawl inside it, since he’s the smallest person here. Wren mentions Beans can help out but then again they start mentioning they don’t want Beans to get hurt. Vythe is confident he can do it however he’s not sure he can fit. I offer to use one of my oil from my disguise kit to make his head slippery so he can squeeze in. He thinks this is a good idea. However he mentions if I cut of his ears or damage his head in any way he will bite me. I mean fair enough. Don’t anger the kobold – check. Albede hold the toad the entire time and the toad just sits calmly in her hands looking on unfazed by anything. I mention that we can communicate via ‘message’ and Derthaad says he can do the same. Vythe mentions that if he tugs once he’s ok, two tugs to send help and three tugs to tell his wife he loves her. He stands up and Derthaad’s shoulders and starts to move into the hole. I shout out I know the perfect thing to do in this instance. I take out my wand of conducting and start to play what some would call a “mission impossible” style of music. Spurred on by my obviously amazing music help Vythe proceeds onwards. I get distracted with listening to my music. But Derthaad keeps in check with Vythe. I learn quickly that Vythe can see a lever up ahead and isn’t sure if he should push it. But he shouts out he’s going to do it. He counts to three and he does it and luckily nothing happens. However Derthaad can see that the gate is now open in front of Steve. Steve managed to grab the scroll and make his way back. Vythe comes out of the hole and Derthaad helps get him down.

Derthaad opens the new scroll it reads:


We start to understand these are all clues to help win over the jury. Suddenly theres’s some shuffling and scuffling from up above and out of nowhere a new door appear in the room. We make our way over and enter the new room.

In the middle of a room stands a large, tall Ballista. A large gun shaped device. It looks intense. Albede asks me have I ever been in a place like this. I tell her know. But I have flashes of images to times I have summoned a Barry to be my shield when entering dangerous situations. All of us are unsure what to do in this room. When the judge’s voice rings out and says that one of us must stand in front of the Ballista to face the punishment. We all shout out that there’s no way any of us can avoid this? This is rather unfair. Before any of us decide on anything, Wren picks up Beans and places it with Albede. They mention that if anything happens to them look after Beans. Wren then quickly stand in front of the Ballista ready for its wrath. I stare on in horror. Unsure what to do but frozen in fear of the potential damage this machine can do. Suddenly the Ballista start unleashing its rounds. Wren manages to be quick and nimble and avoids a lot of the damage but they still get hit with some. The Ballista ceases fire and Wren is still standing. We all quick rush over to make sure they’re ok. Albede casts some healing words on them and they seem to feel slightly better.

I look around and notice there’s no scroll, however another door opens. We are told this is the final room.

As I enter the room, I notice four statues in the middle of the room facing a gold statues that looks like it can be picked up. I immediately recognise this when I had summoned Barry to retrieve a scroll from a deadly situation like this. The statues then were lethal. How was I to know that a Barry can actually get hurt? I am learn lots today. We look around at what to do. Albede asks again if this looks familiar. I just mention that I think the statuses are dangerous but I think we need to get the gold one in the middle that they’re look at. I attempt to go to lift the gold status with my mage hand but it’s no use. Derthaad comes over and casts his mage hand as well and with the two of us we manage to lift it and bring it close to us. I am immediately overcome with Derthaad helping me and I burst out into song:

“This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that’s your hand! No wait, it’s my hand!”

I laugh out loud but no one else seems to find the humour in my song. I sigh and we twist the statue to reveal the hidden scroll inside. The last scroll reads:


A new door opens and we all step through it and we arrive back in court. The judge asks us if we’re ready to make our final pleas. We ask the judge if we could have a few moments more. We are granted that and we quickly read through the scrolls again and we work out who is doing what to help win over the jury. As one bit of inspiring information I mention to the others “No pressure but if you mess this up I’m dead and possibly you as well”. I chuckle knowing this really hit home. With our roles assigned we make our way back to the judge.

One by one, everyone makes their case.

Wren goes up and makes a compelling case and throws in the some mention to the gods. This wins over some of the jury.

Vythe goes up and does an amazing rhyme with sums up everything beautifully. This wins over more of the jury.

Derthaad goes up and makes an amazing argument saying how in times he knows he can call on Celina and that she does make the right decisions. That he fight anyone that tries to argue otherwise, he raises his hand and casts ‘Storm Sphere’ in the hall high up on the ceiling. Then he drops his hand causing a massive lighting bolt to launch down from the sphere. The noises roars through the hall. This gets a massive cheers from the crowds and wins more of the jury over.

The judge starts to look almost disappointed that the arguments for Celina are actually winning out.

Albede gets up next and she also makes a lovely rhyme with some references to power. It’s a lovely sweet rhyme. Which makes a lot of people in the crowd smile. This also wins over more people.

The judge looks almost appalled at this stage.

I am the last up. I decided to appeal with three arguments.

My first point – was that I could never see how tall, how wide or large each Barry I have summoned is. So how can that be my fault or can I be blamed when I have summoned them into tight spots to retrieve things.

My second point – I have never ever heard Barry ever talk before. That we’ve never discussed how they’ve been treated has been unfairly. Aside from this whole trial thing of death, which frankly is quite extreme. I mean if they talked to me and said hey I don’t like that, I would back off. You know open communication with me is key.

My third and last point – I gave you your name. I called you Barry and gave you your identity. If I didn’t carry I would have called you bum or turd… I don’t know something else. But I gave you a name so you could be a real person. I think to myself “Even though I forgot it momentarily at the beginning of this whole thing”.

At my last point the whole room gave an applause and it would appear the whole jury is won over. The judge looks shocked, he looks to the jury and ask they if they have made a decision.

The one that looks like Roberto Towney Jr stands up. He announces they have made a decision and they have found that Celina Zabinski is ‘Not Guilty’. I breathe out a sigh of relief and smile to everyone around. The judge looks disappointed and sinks back into his chair.

I announce to the room I would like to add one final thing. I mention “In future if you ever find that I treat a Barry poorly again and you know to avoid another death trial again, that they can try communicate to me. That they can bring a toad, I will know to lick it and we can talk it out. Simples!” This seems to get a nod of approval from the Barry’s.

I also go over to Judge Barry and I say I know he’s disappointed. However as one offer of kindness I tell him he is welcome to punch me in the face. He isn’t sure what to make of it but he decides why not. However as he goes to punch me, my instincts quickly kick in and I dodge out of his way. I apologise and I tell him to try one more time. He doesn’t look impressed but he goes again, however same thing happens my natural reaction to dodge his fist avoids his blow. The judge doesn’t look impressed and I laugh. I wasn’t expecting this but hey want can I do. I say look you can try another time. Judge Barry sighs. But before I leave he tells me to look more carefully at my spellbook when I get home. That I’ve been casting “Unwilling Servant” this whole time, not “Unseen Servant” as what I had expected. I immediately feel a little guilty and say “Aww I didn’t know. I am sorry Barry”.

I go over to my allies and I thank them all for what they did for me today in court. That I will not forget their efforts. I promise them all apples for life… which is actually just a large bag of apples. But lots of apples none the less.

The carriage comes back and takes us all back to my apple shop in Port Ffirst. I give everyone their apples as promised and thank then again for all their hard work.

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So in the end, did I learn anything? Yes, I guess I should be more considerate when casting another Barry, I need to double check what types of spells I am actually casting in future and also… licking toads is super gross.