The Joy of Food - 18/01/2022 - A Kavel Perspective

Kavel Leaves a Pair of Werewolves Alone to Chill in Fort Ettin

I hadn’t arranged anything with Coll just yet, but I assumed my bros, Tim and Sampson, would be able to earn their keep here doing masonry work, and in their spare time they’d work out at Fort Ettin’s best strength gym, which now had the best fitness staff - Tim and Sampson themselves. They will be a great addition to Fort Ettin. I’m sure the fact that they are werewolves will not be a problem.

By the entrance to the Great Hall, some adventurers were gathering for an expedition to the city of Gadenthor in Harnas. The Queen of Gadenthor, Ariel Farwearver had a task for which she needed adventurers. I wasn’t going to sign up for the mission. But, then comrade Gerhard reminded me about our time in D’Avalon:

“You don’t remember D’Avalon, Kavel? I know the hourly bell ringing annoyed you, but you did remark on the built physiques of the orc populace. You said, ‘working out to look good rather than working out to be strong is like putting the cart in front of the horse. But, bodybuilder muscles are better than no muscles, so the orcs here are pretty cool’”

Comrade Gerhard had a good memory. But what was his point?

“And, D’Avalon is pretty near Gadenthor. You’ll be able to see the same kind of orcs. Maybe learn a bit about their bodybuilding culture. Maybe show them your strength methods?” This was Gerhard’s point, and it was a good one. I signed up for the Gadenthor mission.


Gadenthor Bound

I was in the Great Hall, finishing a goliath sized bowl of porridge and steak strips, when a familiar face got my attention and indicated it was time to get going. Comrade Glint, my academic and combat-averse friend, was dressed for an expedition. Outside, we met up with Dwirhian, a silverish-skinned, tall elf. She does some magic, but is also quite punchy, which I enjoy watching. Last time I saw comrade Dwirhian, I climbed up a building, and she joined me at the top, but rather than climb - she ran up the building! I was very impressed. I am strong, but her leg muscles must be amazing.

We were joined by Celina, my red-tiefling, shop-owner friend. She’s pretty good with this magical rapier she wields. She is also quite fond of magically hurling apples at our enemies. I’m never sure what does them more harm; the apples or the insult of being hit with apples?

As Glint was asking me about Tim and Sampson, he was receiving a hug from someone I hadn’t seen in a while, comrade Florian. Florian was chill as he always was. Florian is magically attuned with nature. I wondered if I would see bears later in Harnash? Last time I saw Florian, he summoned a couple of very awesome bears. I like bears. I feel like I am magically attuned to bears myself. Florian gave me a hug too. Florian is a good person.

Florian was holding a bunny rabbit, and was accompanied by an adventurer I was meeting for the first time, Zola. Zola is a drow half-elf, well armoured and wielding a sword. Comrade Zola looked pretty well built. Good! Always pleased to be with strong adventurers.

A lady was overhearing my conversation with Glint about Tim and Sampson. Florian as well was listening in, and thought it was cool that my old comrades could transform into wolves. I promised to introduce him to them when we got back.
The lady listening to us, Jenna, it turned out, with her magic staff, was here to teleport us to Gadenthor. No trekking then. Glint now seemed over dressed.


Everything is Sideways

Gadenthor is a jungle - maybe Glint is appropriately dressed.

Where we teleported in, there was a wooden encampment. Not too far away was the Giant City of Gadenthor, which had the most distinct feature of being on its side. A disc shaped city, almost ninety degrees on its side. I thought maybe we had been teleported into the sideways plane, but I was told that isn’t a real thing.

From the encampment, a friendly orc greeted us and gave us directions to get to the Promontory, the governing building, where the queen would be.

By the entrance up to the city, there was an elevator. I had seen these before in quarries and the side of mountains. However, normally a combination of these are used to go to the top. After a certain height is reached with one elevator, you switch to a new elevator to take you up further. In Gadenthor, there’s just one elevator with an open rail you could peer over, and it’s a very long way to the top.


Ascending to the Promontory

Woah! You get such a great view from this elevator ride to the city. I could see three hills in the jungle, with a city amongst them. As we travelled higher and higher into the sky, I was having fun leaning over the top rail to really take advantage of the view from up here.

Dwirhian, who had lived here before, was explaining that the culture here was to always be doing a favour. You always give back. With this in mind, I offered to pick anyone up who wanted a better view over the carriage’s top rail. I could hold them in place over the top of the rail, giving them a better view. The offer had no takers. Glint even moved to the opposite side of the carriage to where I was. Apparently, when I lent over the rail, the carriage would ever so slightly tilt. Glint threatened to use the polymorph spell to turn me into a worm, if I kept making the carriage tilt. These were surprisingly combat-positive words from Glint. It was also surprising to learn some people are not fond of heights. I guess if you are mountain-born, like me, you just naturally like heights.

Florian gave Glint the bunny for the rest of the ride to the top.


Meeting Queen Ariel

This was crazy. The buildings are literally on their side! There are skyhigh walkways connecting the buildings, which could not have existed at a time when this city was the rightway up. How on earth do the building foundations hold up the buildings? But there was no point asking one of my smarter comrades. The answer was clear - magic.

The interior of the Promontory was interesting. Since the city was on its side, the doors of the building were now against one side of a wall, while we walked on what would have been a wall. Stairs were built either side of the doors to get access to them, and thankfully doors here were expanded in height, otherwise we would have to roll on our sides to get through them.

We arrived in a reception room. Orcs entered the room, flanked by guards. An orc woman with blue hair, wearing an elegant white dress, and carrying an ornate staff walked in through a corridor of guards, and announced, “Hello, please call me Ariel. You are from the Dawnlands, correct?”. This was Queen Ariel Farweaver.

“Yes.” I responded. Dwirhian bowed, and according to her, this was one of two queens. One position is hereditary, the other - this one - is elected. Ariel is the popular queen, and used to be a very popular bard.

Comrade Florian, ever pleasant, used his druidcraft to magically craft a bracelet, which he gave to his owl Gigi to give to queen Ariel. Ariel was pleased with this.

Ariel explained to us that the next in line to the hereditary monarch seat will become ruler every twelve years. The popular throne, on the other hand, is elected every six years. Ariel was thinking about who her own successor would be, and had received a note from a sous-chef, Mirielle Rhylet, who thinks her head chef, Barnabas Cavazos, would make a very good, popular ruler. He runs the Tales Tongues Tell restaurant. It seems this chef is a gifted bard who can imbue his food with bardic stories. Good stories and tasty food, all in one. Ariel was willing to investigate this, but wanted to keep any suspicion of her own interest out of things. So she was willing to hire outsiders to investigate for a reward.

“How richly rewarded are we saying?” Celina asked, not a second after Ariel mentioned a reward.

Ariel responded, “you will receive more than the standard mercantile rewards.”

Before anyone could ask how we were getting to the Tales Tongues Tell restaurant, Queen Ariel herself cast the teleport spell with her ornate staff. Jenna from Fort Ettin also had a staff when she cast the teleport spell for us earlier. I made a mental note - people carrying magic staves can cast the teleport spell.


“Teleported to Trecorvum to Travel to the Tales Tongues Tell” (try saying that fast!)

We had arrived at Trecorvum. Gadenthor, the-coin-on-its-side city was now on the horizon. Trecorvum was the city I saw from the elevator, in the jungle where the three large hills were situated.

Trecorvum was a city as if orcs had been given halfling blueprints to work on an industrial scale. There were plenty of tabaxi here, but the majority of the population were orcs and they were all bodybuilder big, just like in D’Avalon.

Now, bodybuilding may not be powerlifting or strength endurance training, but it still builds muscle, and I’ll take it any day over no muscles. Like I had said to comrade Gerhard, I was impressed by the people here.

I shared my thoughts with my comrades. “It’s show-muscle, but still muscle. I think when I came to Daring Heights, I came to the wrong city in Kantas.”

“Dude!” Florian replied.

Did I perhaps say something wrong?

“... no offence,” I replied, just in case.


The Tales Tongues Tell

The directions here are all in orc. Comrade Dwirhian understands orc, and led the way to the Tales Tongues Tell. When we got to the restaurant, a couple were leaving silently crying.

We asked to see the sous-chef, and our tabaxi host went to fetch her. While we waited, what Queen Ariel told us about the bardic tales magically imbued into the food appeared to be true. There was tension in the room amongst the patrons. Some shovelled food in, some calmly eating. All, however, appeared to be enjoying their food not just for the taste, but for the experience of sitting through a performance that they couldn’t see, but they could taste.

The sous-chef Mirielle Rhylet came out of the kitchen, an orc woman. We established that we were here on behalf of the queen. She was glad to see that the queen had read her letter, and chosen to follow up. Mirielle told us that the head chef, Barnabas Cavazos, was great at putting emotions into the meals served here. But, he seems to have lost his way. He has become increasingly stressed and agitated. He’s not enjoying his creations anymore. It all seems to stem from a disappointment about not being able to magically imbue happiness into the meals. All the tales magically cooked into the meals are sad or scary ones. Great tales, but never happy, awe-inspiring, or touching.


Chef’s Here

As Mirielle speculated when Barnabas had lost his way, Barnabas came out of the kitchen, holding a plate of pancakes, and looking for her. Mirielle explained that we were specialists here to help him. He was not expecting this, and was sceptical. Glint explained that we had the capacity to help him achieve his goals, as we could help him in different areas. Dwirhian was a magical storyteller like Barnabas himself, Florian was a stress management specialist, I was a physical trainer, Celina was our food expert and Zola, as described by herself, was a duel-wielder.

The disbelief in Barnabas’s eyes, which I could see when Mirielle introduced us, gave way to something like vulnerability or hope even. Well, whatever it was, something made him drop the plate of pancakes. The stack of pancakes’ did a full rotation before it hit the floor. What was once the top of the stack was now at the bottom.

Barnabas invited us into the back, and called for one of the staff to clear up the plate of, ‘Do Your Nut In Pancakes.’

As I walked by the pancakes, I bent down and helped myself to one of the pancakes in the middle of the stack, and offered to split one with any of the others. There was some big fuss about eating the food as it was intended to be served, but comrade Zola understood this was the fast track to understanding what the fuss about the food here was.

I split the pancake with Zola, and shoved my half into my mouth. It was very good. Light, fluffy and sweet, like eating a sugary cloud. But then in my mind I was transported back to the gym. I was walking to the squat rack, and looking forward to getting in a session. But, when I got to the squat rack. The most annoying thing - someone had put a bench under the rack and was using it as a bench press! The squat rack is for squats! I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry. As I swallowed the final piece of pancake, my vision of bad gym etiquette faded, and I could see Zola as well had a curled-mouth, angry expression on her face. Florian held his bunny rabbit between us and asked us to share.

Out back, Barnabas served us a six-course meal. The food was very good, and like with the pancakes each meal generated from within us an emotional response as a magical tale unfolded with each bite. The pastry dish was gentle. But the mushroom soup has the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. The haloumi wrap made the sense of danger grow stronger. The main course was brought with it a sense of terror. The creme brulee finished things off with a sense of danger abetting.

I’m not going to lie. I was sweating a little, as I dabbed away some specks of creme brulee from my mouth. I looked across the table and Glint seemed to be experiencing full-on PTSD. Did the food make him experience the elevator ride up here again? I nudged Florian and suggested that Glint get to hold the bunny rabbit again.

My comrades questioned Barnabas for some time. Barnabas was once a street vendor in his hometown, Marzonia. He used to enjoy serving his magically infused meals straight to the customer from his food shack, Special Treats. But, he had dreams of sharing his gift in a restaurant, which is why he moved to Trevorvum a few years ago. After a while of running a successful restaurant, he noticed that he could weave tragedy and terror into food, but happiness, no. Happiness escaped him. He pointed out that happiness itself was a complicated emotion. He demonstrated how easy bravery can be magically bestowed on someone, by casting the spell for Heroism on me, which makes someone feel brave. I verified for my comrades that the spell had worked, since I usually feel brave, and the spell did not alter this.

We thanked Barnabas for sharing his story with us, and told him we would be back with some ideas on how to proceed and help him reach his goal of infusing tales of happiness into his food.


The Six Paths to Happiness -

Step 1: Laughter

Between us, we had come up with some ideas how we could all help Barnabas unlock his true potential. Zola had the unenviable task of starting things off. She chose to attempt to make Barnabas laugh. She brought him to an amphitheatre where political speeches were being addressed to the public, where her use of magic could be employed for pranks. Barnabas was, it seemed, a tough egg to crack. Zola enjoyed herself though by her account.


Step 2: Explore Your Creativity

Dwirhian took Barnabas to the top of one of the hills, where they could lie down and watch the sky. Dwirhian said she recounted to him her time in Harnash, and together they explored his creativity. This was not my area of specialty. When Dwirhian recounted this to us, I was lost, but she said something was getting through to the chef.


Step 3: Let Your Spirit Roam Free

Florian took Barnabas through a nearby part of the jungle, as a bear. I wasn’t there, I missed this! I was warming up for my turn with Barnabas. My body needed to be warm and ready to go for what I had planned.

By Florian’s account, Barnabas enjoyed his time away from the kitchen. The combination of the proceeding activities, and now the ability to ride through the jungle on a bear was freeing Barnabas of a tension that had been heavy on his soul for a while now.


Step 4: Awe … The Joy of Lifting - 18/01/2022 - A Kavel Perspective feat

As the physical expert, it was my time to help Barnabas, and we were off to the nearest gym, and I wanted everyone there.

I entered the gym with an entourage of my companions and chef Barnabas, and found a squat rack that was free - it was good to see there wasn’t a bench where they shouldn’t be one!

Walking in with an entourage drew a lot of attention, which was good. If I was to elicit the sensation of awe from chef Barnabas, it would be good if Barnabas was surrounded by other people witnessing the same awe-inspiring act, too.

This gym was full of bodybuilders. Fantastic physiques. They all had reason to be proud of their hard work. But, I intended to show them a herculean feat of strength that would hopefully inspire them to pursue strength gains, and in addition inspire Barnabas to achieve the gains he was after.

I conscripted some fellow squatters. I told them what I previously squatted in the Sunset Spines - the 1,550lbs stone squat. I told them I intended to top that, if they could help me rig a couple of bars together to construct a frame that could take 1,800lbs.

We tied two adamantine bars together, which both carried 450lbs on either side. This got the whole gym’s attention, and drew in passers-by from outside.

It took four very well built regulars at the gym to re-rack the rigged-together bars and their plates. The four helpers stood two-aside of the rack, giving the rack support. I stepped through the rack, and got into as comfortable a position as I could, with these tied together bars. We had managed to construct a top heavy X with the bars. It would hopefully hold. I set the centre of the X on my broad goliath shoulders and put my hands either side of the upper V of the X. My hands were unusually high up for a squat, but this was the best I could do under the circumstance. I took the strain, and walked forward with the weight. My four helpers came with me, supporting the weight a little, to make sure I got the weight away from the rack.

“Okay. Ladies and Gentlemen. I will attempt to squat 1,800lbs today. This is the most I have ever squatted. I dare say it is the most anyone has ever squatted. Let alone anything anyone could dream of pressing above one's shoulders.” A hushed silence went through the crowd. I signalled to my helpers to let go and move away. As they did, I felt the whole weight of 1,800lbs as it sat on my shoulders, trying to hammer my feet into the ground. Back straight, I breathed in, I bent my knees and let my hips go just below the line of my knees. This was definitely heavier than my squat at the temple. I could feel my heels really pressing into the wooden floor. Back straight, I gripped the bar with white knuckles as if I intended to break it. I tensed my whole body. I breathed out, and as I did so, I came up and squatted my body back to a vertical position. Herculean feat achieved.

The crowd were astonished. Everyone erupted with applause. A couple of people fainted. A fellow goliath bent the knee in reverence. Herculean feat achieved; and I could hear everyone was awe-struck by my strength.

I succeeded in what I set out to achieve. But, while the tied together bars still held the weight, I adjusted my grip a little closer together. My four helpers had moved toward me, and set the weight on the ground, ready for disassembly. But I said, “no. Wait.”

The crowd, my companions, and my four helpers looked at me quizzically. I told them, “help me get the bars in position for an overhead press.” I could feel the crowd as they collectively opened their mouths, and took a deep breath in. I was not done here yet.

My helpers helped me ‘clean’ the bars to my upper chest, and then moved away, allowing me to take the strain once again. I had the full 1,800lbs weight in a much more difficult position to lift. But, I tensed my entire body. I breathed in, and in one powerful motion, I pressed the weight above my shoulders and head straight into the air as I exhaled out, locking my elbows and squeezing my entire body. The applause this time exceeded the volume of the previous applause. I had subverted their expectations by surpassing an already extremely impressive lift, with an even more impressive lift!

As I set the weight down, I took the time to address the crowd, “I am Kavel ‘Smashy Hands’ Castiron from Iron Strong Mountain. I train Iron Strong strength protocols. I have a gym in the Dawnlands at Fort Ettin for adventurers. It is called Kavel’s Corner for Strength and Conditioning. Come there if you wish to achieve your strength dreams. Thank you for coming to witness my herculean lifts. Thank you!”

Everyone was still cheering. Many of the gym-goers wanted to buy me drinks. We all went to a tavern and the patrons kindly paid for me and my companions' rooms for the night. Barnabas was caught up in the spectacle, smiling at what he had witnessed.


Step 5: Passion… ?

It was late now in the tavern. Celina had the idea to get Barnabas to ‘relax’ by taking him to a ‘specialist massage parlour.’ But, my entourage of gym-goers informed her that those types of facilities did not exist in the city, which was a shame, since I always feel a massage is very good for the muscles after a heavy lift. I made this point to my new, local, and very athletic friends. A few of the gym-goers offered to help me later with my muscles and give me a ‘proper welcome to Trecorvum’, as they put it. The kindness culture of Harnash is really great. I looked forward to my massage.

Celina had a plan B. While I had been warming up for my big lifts she had taken some straw-stuffed mannequins and set them up at the top of a hill. She gave Baranbas a dagger and told him to imagine someone who pissed him off and let it all out on one of the dummies. Celina said she cast some magic on Barnabas to help him out, and Barnabas mentioned that it pissed him off when other chefs try to copy his work. By Celina’s account, Barnabas showed some skills with offensive knife work that night. They came back to the tavern, and Baranas thanked us for our help today.

One more person left to shine. While we were drinking, Glint was busy writing things down on paper.


Step 6: Remembering Your Motivation

There was a knock on my door the next morning, and Glint gave me a character outline. We were all going to help Glint help Barnabas “not just remember,” as Glint said, “but experience his old street vendor days with illusion magic, and roleplay.” All of us, in fact, had received a character outline.

When we got to the Tales Tongues Tell, Glint told Barnabas that he would take him back to his street vending days, when he last felt happiness doing what he did. Barnabas was told to close his eyes, as Glint conjured an illusion that only Barnabas could see. When Barnabas opened his eyes, he really felt like his kitchen was the street corner where he used to prepare and serve customers directly. Barnabas was even convinced it was the time of a popular carnival in Harnash.

We all pretended to be customers of Barnabas’s old Streets Delight shack, and Barnabas delighted in serving us all something different to suit our characters. Dwirhian and I pretended to be a married couple for Barnabas, and he made me several donuts for breakfast that were very delicious. I deserved these. You don’t press 1,800lbs every day.

When Glint’s illusions eventually faded. Barnabas was so touched by Glint’s gift and how it enabled him to remember a time when he cooked for the joy of it alone. Barnabas wept tears of joy and pulled us all in for a hug.

Each item of food that Barnabas cooked for us, as we approached the food stand he imagined was not only delicious, but got closer and closer to telling a tale of happiness. From Celina’s meat skewers, to my donuts and finally Zola’s steamed hams, there was a clear magical improvement. Zola insisted that Barnabas try the hams he made her. Barnabas almost fainted. He had some ideas that had come to him whilst he experienced Glint’s illusion and cooked much food for us before we left to report back to Queen Ariel. The food of course was delightful, but so too was watching someone excited in his craft, and the dishes he cooked for us all had the beginnings of a tale of joy magically woven into them. Barnabas was back on track to achieving his goal.


Style Polish

We said our farewells to Barnabas and Mirielle, and were teleported back to Queen Ariel in the Promontory.

Ariel was happy to hear that Barnabas was doing well, and was looking forward to visiting him in the Tales Tongues Tell at a later date.

Ariel had a number of rewards for us. There was a fancy looking longsword and studded leather. But she also offered to upgrade our current weapons and armours. More of an aesthetic upgrade. Gold plating and such.

I would have liked to stay and wait for my breastplate, helmet and maul to be upgraded, but I needed to get back for my next wood carving lesson. Zola volunteered to stay and see to both mine and Glint’s upgrade requests. This was very nice of her. I offered her free personal training at Kavel’s Corner in Fort Ettin.

As we got back to Fort Ettin, as promised, I introduced the most chill comrade I know to a pair of goliath werewolves.