Ink, Blood and Curses - Sorrel and the bad editor
Jan 7, 2022 16:19:22 GMT
Jaezred Vandree, Delilah Daybreaker, and 1 more like this
Post by stephena on Jan 7, 2022 16:19:22 GMT
Hiya. I’m more medical and scientific than personal journal, but the job came up. The previous ghostwriter barely started, though I’m not allowed to see the manuscript - which does make style matching difficult. They said – be yourself. So, let’s just have some fun, shall we?
A sorceress called Jenna arranged for the team – oh, the team was Kelne, the halfling cleric, Varga, the half orc barbarian, Zola, a mysterious drow with a crystal crown growing out of her head (who turns out to be a paladin, spoiler alert) and an aarakocra cleric called Tayz – to teleport to Harnash.
As an aside, don’t you think the evolution of the aarakocra is an odd one? Bird wings and hands do share a common ancestor – but bats don’t! Which is mad! Bird wings and hands have humerus, ulna, radius, and metacarpals but the hand bones are fused in a wing. Do you see what I mean? Opposable thumb, hello?
And of course, there was Sorrel, who is a ranger. Sorry.
As the mist from Jenna’s spell cleared they found themselves in a huge underground city thronging with huge, muscular orcs. Long corridors stretched off in all directions. This, Varga explained with a strange air of disappointment was Harnash.
All around they could see beautifully muscled specimens of every species. Orcs made up the majority of the population here, followed by Tabaxi and Goliaths, and then a variety of other Kantasian races including Centaurs and Gnomes. Architecture was naturally more open to accommodate everyone from the small to the quadrupedal. Streets were wide.
This orc-dominated society seemed notably peaceful. ‘Gregarious’ is the best word to describe Harnashi society, with their competitively generous bartering systems and open nature, followed by ‘athletic’, ‘secular.’ While physical prowess is still celebrated, it’s on more aesthetic than militaristic grounds. Beauty seemed to be prized highly, and exercise regimes were followed passionately by many not for might but for aesthetics. Combined with a competitive streak and gymnastics competitions no one skips leg day in Harnash.
Hiya, me again. This is actually really interesting. There’s quite a lot of recent work on the advantage of different training regimes based on muscle distribution and skeleton type. Orcs have a ridge of muscle on the spine that’s quite distinct from a minotaur, where thoracic training is traditionally essential. The early work from Harnashi’s Arcanetheril Journal of Morphological Metabolism and Speed Training actually combines these exercises. I know, right?
The address they were looking for lay at the waypoint between the three hills of Trecorvum. The city was built into these towering hills, laced with terraces, tunnels, gates and paths carved out of the surrounding jungle. The horizon was dominated by a huge disc like a god had dropped a coin and it stuck into the earth.
There was a city sticking up out of the giant discus dominating the northern horizon. Ever since the Netherese flying city of Gadenthor crashed into the earth many years ago, the people of Harnash have delved into the secrets of this incredible ruin, uncovering secrets, technology and magic. Several organisations in Harnash are dedicated to revealing what else Gadenthor has in store, the Arcanetheril and Delvers in particular. Exploring an ancient and magically defended city while it rests on its side so that most buildings are at about a 70 degree angle is a challenge, but the Harnashi have had plenty of time to master this endeavour. Thus they saw orcs with martini glasses and soda water, not necessarily at the same time.
Varga could see no signs of the Orc gods and the sadness in her eyes was almost unbearable.
Finally they reached Spinecracker Bookshop, which got Taz so worked up he was polite to people. Until he got inside, saw three books, a Tabaxi vampire and an orc ghost. Vashkoff Spinecracker – the name of the ghost – explained he’d been murdered by Sonny, short for something like Sun Goes Down. Appropriate if a little literal for a vampire. As he died, he cursed Sonny and now the two were trapped here together, unable to leave the shop until every book had been sold.
“Only three to go then,” said Kelne cheerfully.
Spinecracker laid the three books out on the counter - Volume 32 of the Discward council minutes, a racy looking number called My Personal Demons Bound and Unbound and a text book called 205 More Interesting Facts about Carapaces,
Me again. Carapaces? Are you sticking me, motherflipper? Have you read “Uncovering the chemistry behind inducible morphological defences in the crustacean Daphnia magna” by the sadly departed Barovian professor Sven von Ritcher?
Spinecracker needed the books flogged, and had a couple of suggestions. He knew the author of the bodice ripper – a cheerful orc named Bernard Kvorite quartermaster of local liquor distributor – wanted all evidence of the book removed.
“Why?” said Tayz, flicked to the first page and screamed, hurling the thing away from him. “Dear god there are some words my eyes can never unread,” he wept. “That’s the worst writing I’ve read since the Beginners Guide to the Necronomicon.”
There was a book buyer called Marcia the Merciless who might be in the market for the others. Zola had a better idea. She suggested demonstrating the defensive potential of the carapace in a fighting demonstration in the town centre then sell the book as a self help manual.
BTDubs if you are keen on carapaces, you should try “Notes on the Defensive Behaviour of the Snapping Turtle” by Dodd, Brodie, Schmidt et al. What I find particularly interesting…
The adventure is interesting. That’s the point. The adventure. Not the carapaces. I get that. I’m used to a different demographic, that’s all.
Zola assumed a defensive stance, each of her three duplicates sinking back into the same pose with two curved swords at the ready. She looked Sorrel in the eyes and said softly - "we'll have a good moon tonight."
Sorrel froze. Those were the very words the drow mystic used before he summoned the moon goddess Eilistraee on the night the Hunger Spirit was exorcised from Sorrel’s tortured soul.
There was no way in heaven, earth or beyond that this was a co-incidence. Sorrel drew her sword.
I want to apologise unreservedly. The passage describing the travellers arrival in Harnash ‘borrowed heavily’ and were ‘in some cases entirely plagiarised’ from a research paper published in World Anvil under the title Harnash Organisation in the Kantas Expanse. I don’t know how my rough notes found their way into the draft copy but suffice it to say, that’s it for me. I can only apologise again.
A sorceress called Jenna arranged for the team – oh, the team was Kelne, the halfling cleric, Varga, the half orc barbarian, Zola, a mysterious drow with a crystal crown growing out of her head (who turns out to be a paladin, spoiler alert) and an aarakocra cleric called Tayz – to teleport to Harnash.
As an aside, don’t you think the evolution of the aarakocra is an odd one? Bird wings and hands do share a common ancestor – but bats don’t! Which is mad! Bird wings and hands have humerus, ulna, radius, and metacarpals but the hand bones are fused in a wing. Do you see what I mean? Opposable thumb, hello?
And of course, there was Sorrel, who is a ranger. Sorry.
As the mist from Jenna’s spell cleared they found themselves in a huge underground city thronging with huge, muscular orcs. Long corridors stretched off in all directions. This, Varga explained with a strange air of disappointment was Harnash.
All around they could see beautifully muscled specimens of every species. Orcs made up the majority of the population here, followed by Tabaxi and Goliaths, and then a variety of other Kantasian races including Centaurs and Gnomes. Architecture was naturally more open to accommodate everyone from the small to the quadrupedal. Streets were wide.
This orc-dominated society seemed notably peaceful. ‘Gregarious’ is the best word to describe Harnashi society, with their competitively generous bartering systems and open nature, followed by ‘athletic’, ‘secular.’ While physical prowess is still celebrated, it’s on more aesthetic than militaristic grounds. Beauty seemed to be prized highly, and exercise regimes were followed passionately by many not for might but for aesthetics. Combined with a competitive streak and gymnastics competitions no one skips leg day in Harnash.
Hiya, me again. This is actually really interesting. There’s quite a lot of recent work on the advantage of different training regimes based on muscle distribution and skeleton type. Orcs have a ridge of muscle on the spine that’s quite distinct from a minotaur, where thoracic training is traditionally essential. The early work from Harnashi’s Arcanetheril Journal of Morphological Metabolism and Speed Training actually combines these exercises. I know, right?
The address they were looking for lay at the waypoint between the three hills of Trecorvum. The city was built into these towering hills, laced with terraces, tunnels, gates and paths carved out of the surrounding jungle. The horizon was dominated by a huge disc like a god had dropped a coin and it stuck into the earth.
There was a city sticking up out of the giant discus dominating the northern horizon. Ever since the Netherese flying city of Gadenthor crashed into the earth many years ago, the people of Harnash have delved into the secrets of this incredible ruin, uncovering secrets, technology and magic. Several organisations in Harnash are dedicated to revealing what else Gadenthor has in store, the Arcanetheril and Delvers in particular. Exploring an ancient and magically defended city while it rests on its side so that most buildings are at about a 70 degree angle is a challenge, but the Harnashi have had plenty of time to master this endeavour. Thus they saw orcs with martini glasses and soda water, not necessarily at the same time.
Varga could see no signs of the Orc gods and the sadness in her eyes was almost unbearable.
Finally they reached Spinecracker Bookshop, which got Taz so worked up he was polite to people. Until he got inside, saw three books, a Tabaxi vampire and an orc ghost. Vashkoff Spinecracker – the name of the ghost – explained he’d been murdered by Sonny, short for something like Sun Goes Down. Appropriate if a little literal for a vampire. As he died, he cursed Sonny and now the two were trapped here together, unable to leave the shop until every book had been sold.
“Only three to go then,” said Kelne cheerfully.
Spinecracker laid the three books out on the counter - Volume 32 of the Discward council minutes, a racy looking number called My Personal Demons Bound and Unbound and a text book called 205 More Interesting Facts about Carapaces,
Me again. Carapaces? Are you sticking me, motherflipper? Have you read “Uncovering the chemistry behind inducible morphological defences in the crustacean Daphnia magna” by the sadly departed Barovian professor Sven von Ritcher?
Spinecracker needed the books flogged, and had a couple of suggestions. He knew the author of the bodice ripper – a cheerful orc named Bernard Kvorite quartermaster of local liquor distributor – wanted all evidence of the book removed.
“Why?” said Tayz, flicked to the first page and screamed, hurling the thing away from him. “Dear god there are some words my eyes can never unread,” he wept. “That’s the worst writing I’ve read since the Beginners Guide to the Necronomicon.”
There was a book buyer called Marcia the Merciless who might be in the market for the others. Zola had a better idea. She suggested demonstrating the defensive potential of the carapace in a fighting demonstration in the town centre then sell the book as a self help manual.
BTDubs if you are keen on carapaces, you should try “Notes on the Defensive Behaviour of the Snapping Turtle” by Dodd, Brodie, Schmidt et al. What I find particularly interesting…
The adventure is interesting. That’s the point. The adventure. Not the carapaces. I get that. I’m used to a different demographic, that’s all.
Zola assumed a defensive stance, each of her three duplicates sinking back into the same pose with two curved swords at the ready. She looked Sorrel in the eyes and said softly - "we'll have a good moon tonight."
Sorrel froze. Those were the very words the drow mystic used before he summoned the moon goddess Eilistraee on the night the Hunger Spirit was exorcised from Sorrel’s tortured soul.
There was no way in heaven, earth or beyond that this was a co-incidence. Sorrel drew her sword.
I want to apologise unreservedly. The passage describing the travellers arrival in Harnash ‘borrowed heavily’ and were ‘in some cases entirely plagiarised’ from a research paper published in World Anvil under the title Harnash Organisation in the Kantas Expanse. I don’t know how my rough notes found their way into the draft copy but suffice it to say, that’s it for me. I can only apologise again.