Post by Varga on Sept 30, 2021 21:40:19 GMT
The Adventure of an Empty House
In which the party commits murder, arson, and jaywalking, while a cowardly spider doesn't give a damn.
Went back to Root's place. Still don't trust him. He's a gardener. But he found the other gardener. The one who sent the plantmoss to the sewers. The other gardener's name's Collector. Dumb name. Lives in a mirror in an abandoned house. Also dumb. Mirrors are too brittle. Made a golem, Ted, and didn't like him. Probably cause Ted is smarter than them. Ted ran off. Can't blame him for that.
Root asked us to do something to the Collector. Ivan immediately asked to kill them. I like his approach. Root agreed. Good to see at least one gardener achieve some personal growth. Told him as much. He didn't get it. It's alright, social skills take time.
Jaezred, the snob drow fellow who makes killer scones, opened the door to Collector's house. We went inside. Root started opening the mirror with a flying pill. Magic users. Weird. Carnan left Ulfr with Root, just to be on the safe side. Smart. He's weak. I meditated, recited one of the tactical prayers to Ilneval. Jaezred and Ruk, a githyanki mage, exchanged insults. Ivan and Jaezred exchanged insults, agreed to fight. Carnan stopped them from fighting. Felt like home. Except for the stopping the fight part. Very nice anyway.
Inside the mirror was another house, very empty. Lots of cells. Most empty. That's a shitty collection. This collector must have been working in the Port Ffirst City Watch before: same incompetent inefficiency. One cell had a hook-handed creature in it. We went past. The door opened. Always the same with those gardeners. They become predictable.
Ruk put a net over the creature. Jaezred hit it with some dark-looking spell. Good magic skills for a cook. Ivan hit the thing with the axe. Carnan made a magic staff to hit it for him. Exercise is important, old man, don't be lazy.
I had a thought. Probably Ilneval's blessing. The thought went: it's always the same. You get into a place, there's a plant thing. You fight the plant thing. The plant thing dies. You go after the gardener. It just had the time to escape. It was a ruse. Need to go deeper.
'You've got it, boys!' I nodded and went forward. Saw a lot of different tracks in dust. This Collector person ain't much for cleanliness. Could use a housekeeper or something.
Went down the corridor, leaving the sounds of pain and suffering behind, but needs must. More cells. More corridor. Suddenly the sounds became louder. I turned. The hook-hand thing was running towards me, looking very scared. Jaezred looked from around the corner and hit the hook-hand with a curse. It fell on the floor and skidded towards me, stopping right at my feet.
'What the hell, guys, I thought you've had it!' I scolded.
We went further. Found another, bigger thing, in a cage. In front of it, two locked doors. Carnan wanted to open them. Enough was enough.
'No, don't open the doors!' I put my foot down. 'The Collector isn't there.'
'How can you know that?' Ruk scoffed at me.
'Cause it's always the same. You open the door, and the thing attacks you!' I gestured towards the thing in the cage. It seemed surprised at the prospect. Not sure if interested. 'And during that time, the damn gardener gets away!'
'What gardener? What on earth are you talking about?' Jaezred grimaced. Well, not everyone has the brain for investigation, suppose.
'Here's a perfectly good corridor, let's go down in,' I pointed towards the side corridor that was narrow and completely unremarkable. Finally common sense won, and they followed me.
There were two rooms. Ivan and Jaezred took one, me and Carnan – the other. Ruk couldn't decide, so he went forward into a bigger room.
Ivan and Jaezred's room was boring – something magic-related. Only one corpse.
Our room was cluttered.
'This person has a problem,' I said. 'It's not collector, it's a hoarder. They need help.'
We helped. I looted the room, found a couple of nice things. When I picked everything up, Carnan made a fireball.
'Shall we?' He asked.
I grinned and nodded. Looting, AND pillaging. I haven't been on a proper raid for months! That felt satisfying. Carnan set fire to the room, and very politely closed the door.
We went to the main room. There were lots of boots on a rack, a table, more doors. All very unkempt. We were just deciding what rooms to loot next when the doors got closed, and a person appeared next to one of them.
They probably wanted to look imposing. Large hat. Long coat. Long hair.
'Ah!' They said in a sinister voice. 'Welcome to my-'
As they were saying it, Ivan took out his axe and rushed them. They were an illusion, so he ran through them and into the wall.
The illusion person was annoyed.
'As I was saying, welcome to my-'
'What are you a collector of?' Ruk asked.
'Of various things… Magic artifacts and-' they said, and corrected themselves, angrily. 'We'll get to that! I wanted to welcome you to my-'
'Your house is shit, you know that?' I asked. 'Clean up! Or are you also collecting dust bunnies? I've got a couple, but you have them in droves.'
'I wouldn't be collecting…' They growled, as close to a proper rage as I've seen in non-barbarians. 'Such mundane creatures! Now shut up and let me welcome you to my-'
'I know all about your experiments,' Jaezred said nonchalantly, flaunting some old book at them.
'Well, congratulations!' I think they might have been crying.
Jaezred continued, non-fazed. 'By the way, do you happen to know Langston Farstep?'
'Yes! No! What does it matter?! Argh… That's it, this exchange is over! Welcome to my lair, get out!' They gestured to something on the ceiling.
A giant spider fell down. It looked at Carnan and paralyzed him, picked him up and started to run away. I looked at the spider, looked at the Collector.
'I'll get you next time, Collector,' I said and went after the cowardly spider.
Ivan followed. Ruk and Jaezred exchanged some more pleasantries with the Collector, and set their shoe rack on fire.
The spider was getting away very quickly. It didn't even care about the smoke from the cluttered room that was still on fire. We hit it with all we had, but it kept running. Carnan came to, stood up on the spider's back, wanted to do a spell, but got paralyzed again.
Myself and Ivan were barely keeping pace with the spider, the other two fell behind hopelessly. The spider ran all the way to the entrance, to the portal, and catapulted Carnan out of the mirror.
We finally caught up with the spider and kept hacking at it. Ruk and Jaezred appeared soon after, completely out of breath. Need to point out to Carnan what happens when you don't exercise. Together, we finished off the spider. I took one of its legs to give to Ghesh as one of the payments for my axe. Will go with a good story, too!
We returned to Root, who looked surprised at seeing a large firbolg being tossed at him by a giant spider. Told him the Collector won't bother him for some time. Can't leave house with their boots all burned up.
Ted was still a bit worried about Root. I brawled a bit with the golem to keep him in shape. Will do it again if in Port Ffirst. Might as well have a responsible person in charge of the gardener. Left my new address with Root, in case more spider murder needed.
Pity didn't catch the Collector. But going on a proper raid felt good. Looking forward to more of these. There's always the next gardener, after all.
In which the party commits murder, arson, and jaywalking, while a cowardly spider doesn't give a damn.
Went back to Root's place. Still don't trust him. He's a gardener. But he found the other gardener. The one who sent the plantmoss to the sewers. The other gardener's name's Collector. Dumb name. Lives in a mirror in an abandoned house. Also dumb. Mirrors are too brittle. Made a golem, Ted, and didn't like him. Probably cause Ted is smarter than them. Ted ran off. Can't blame him for that.
Root asked us to do something to the Collector. Ivan immediately asked to kill them. I like his approach. Root agreed. Good to see at least one gardener achieve some personal growth. Told him as much. He didn't get it. It's alright, social skills take time.
Jaezred, the snob drow fellow who makes killer scones, opened the door to Collector's house. We went inside. Root started opening the mirror with a flying pill. Magic users. Weird. Carnan left Ulfr with Root, just to be on the safe side. Smart. He's weak. I meditated, recited one of the tactical prayers to Ilneval. Jaezred and Ruk, a githyanki mage, exchanged insults. Ivan and Jaezred exchanged insults, agreed to fight. Carnan stopped them from fighting. Felt like home. Except for the stopping the fight part. Very nice anyway.
Inside the mirror was another house, very empty. Lots of cells. Most empty. That's a shitty collection. This collector must have been working in the Port Ffirst City Watch before: same incompetent inefficiency. One cell had a hook-handed creature in it. We went past. The door opened. Always the same with those gardeners. They become predictable.
Ruk put a net over the creature. Jaezred hit it with some dark-looking spell. Good magic skills for a cook. Ivan hit the thing with the axe. Carnan made a magic staff to hit it for him. Exercise is important, old man, don't be lazy.
I had a thought. Probably Ilneval's blessing. The thought went: it's always the same. You get into a place, there's a plant thing. You fight the plant thing. The plant thing dies. You go after the gardener. It just had the time to escape. It was a ruse. Need to go deeper.
'You've got it, boys!' I nodded and went forward. Saw a lot of different tracks in dust. This Collector person ain't much for cleanliness. Could use a housekeeper or something.
Went down the corridor, leaving the sounds of pain and suffering behind, but needs must. More cells. More corridor. Suddenly the sounds became louder. I turned. The hook-hand thing was running towards me, looking very scared. Jaezred looked from around the corner and hit the hook-hand with a curse. It fell on the floor and skidded towards me, stopping right at my feet.
'What the hell, guys, I thought you've had it!' I scolded.
We went further. Found another, bigger thing, in a cage. In front of it, two locked doors. Carnan wanted to open them. Enough was enough.
'No, don't open the doors!' I put my foot down. 'The Collector isn't there.'
'How can you know that?' Ruk scoffed at me.
'Cause it's always the same. You open the door, and the thing attacks you!' I gestured towards the thing in the cage. It seemed surprised at the prospect. Not sure if interested. 'And during that time, the damn gardener gets away!'
'What gardener? What on earth are you talking about?' Jaezred grimaced. Well, not everyone has the brain for investigation, suppose.
'Here's a perfectly good corridor, let's go down in,' I pointed towards the side corridor that was narrow and completely unremarkable. Finally common sense won, and they followed me.
There were two rooms. Ivan and Jaezred took one, me and Carnan – the other. Ruk couldn't decide, so he went forward into a bigger room.
Ivan and Jaezred's room was boring – something magic-related. Only one corpse.
Our room was cluttered.
'This person has a problem,' I said. 'It's not collector, it's a hoarder. They need help.'
We helped. I looted the room, found a couple of nice things. When I picked everything up, Carnan made a fireball.
'Shall we?' He asked.
I grinned and nodded. Looting, AND pillaging. I haven't been on a proper raid for months! That felt satisfying. Carnan set fire to the room, and very politely closed the door.
We went to the main room. There were lots of boots on a rack, a table, more doors. All very unkempt. We were just deciding what rooms to loot next when the doors got closed, and a person appeared next to one of them.
They probably wanted to look imposing. Large hat. Long coat. Long hair.
'Ah!' They said in a sinister voice. 'Welcome to my-'
As they were saying it, Ivan took out his axe and rushed them. They were an illusion, so he ran through them and into the wall.
The illusion person was annoyed.
'As I was saying, welcome to my-'
'What are you a collector of?' Ruk asked.
'Of various things… Magic artifacts and-' they said, and corrected themselves, angrily. 'We'll get to that! I wanted to welcome you to my-'
'Your house is shit, you know that?' I asked. 'Clean up! Or are you also collecting dust bunnies? I've got a couple, but you have them in droves.'
'I wouldn't be collecting…' They growled, as close to a proper rage as I've seen in non-barbarians. 'Such mundane creatures! Now shut up and let me welcome you to my-'
'I know all about your experiments,' Jaezred said nonchalantly, flaunting some old book at them.
'Well, congratulations!' I think they might have been crying.
Jaezred continued, non-fazed. 'By the way, do you happen to know Langston Farstep?'
'Yes! No! What does it matter?! Argh… That's it, this exchange is over! Welcome to my lair, get out!' They gestured to something on the ceiling.
A giant spider fell down. It looked at Carnan and paralyzed him, picked him up and started to run away. I looked at the spider, looked at the Collector.
'I'll get you next time, Collector,' I said and went after the cowardly spider.
Ivan followed. Ruk and Jaezred exchanged some more pleasantries with the Collector, and set their shoe rack on fire.
The spider was getting away very quickly. It didn't even care about the smoke from the cluttered room that was still on fire. We hit it with all we had, but it kept running. Carnan came to, stood up on the spider's back, wanted to do a spell, but got paralyzed again.
Myself and Ivan were barely keeping pace with the spider, the other two fell behind hopelessly. The spider ran all the way to the entrance, to the portal, and catapulted Carnan out of the mirror.
We finally caught up with the spider and kept hacking at it. Ruk and Jaezred appeared soon after, completely out of breath. Need to point out to Carnan what happens when you don't exercise. Together, we finished off the spider. I took one of its legs to give to Ghesh as one of the payments for my axe. Will go with a good story, too!
We returned to Root, who looked surprised at seeing a large firbolg being tossed at him by a giant spider. Told him the Collector won't bother him for some time. Can't leave house with their boots all burned up.
Ted was still a bit worried about Root. I brawled a bit with the golem to keep him in shape. Will do it again if in Port Ffirst. Might as well have a responsible person in charge of the gardener. Left my new address with Root, in case more spider murder needed.
Pity didn't catch the Collector. But going on a proper raid felt good. Looking forward to more of these. There's always the next gardener, after all.
