Ursa Mamma Caelestis – Merla – 19.08.2021

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Neuyeya is a humble place, the most down to earth part of the Feywild Merla has ever seen. The fact that this region is different from anywhere else in the ’Wilds is not a surprise to her. She visited many places when she was the Tosgaire Saliysuli*, but none of them feel like this.

What you see is not always what you get when it comes to lands of Fae. Oftentimes, there is something hidden. These hidden things aren not inherently bad, but to many who are not from the Feywild, or at least familiar with the ways and means of the land, it can come across as hostile. It is why so many mortals find issue with the Faen Realms.

But here, in the endless coniferous forest with its large magenta flowers, mastiff-sized bumble bees and a constant supply of honey, there is nothing that is trying to stay hidden. It is a truly honest place.

The Daughter of Summer walks amongst the flowers in one of the forest clearings. In this one, there is a whole array of the large magenta flowers. BB is talking with Mesikammen, the Bear King, gushing over the beauty of the flora and asking all sorts of botany questions. Merla holds a few seeds of these flowers in her hand, thinking about her halfling family back in Earthart – and the promise she made to visit them soon to plant a field of flowers where a forest once stood.

“When Pieni asked us, would we bring someone back from death, I did not know how to answer,” she says out of the blue.

It has been a few days since what happened – the reason they came to the Bear King’s lands. The sudden mention of it would have surprised anyone else but Astra, who stands beside her. The winged unicorn knows how her mistress can be, thinking about events in silent contemplation before finally giving voice to her thoughts. It had been a tumultuous reunion for the druid aarakocra and his mother. Astra had her own thoughts on what was said – or not said – but she silently listens to Merla.

“My thoughts went to Red and the Order’s Cavalry. At the time of losing them, I would have brought them back in a heartbeat, if I could have. Then I thought about Father Cai, how he has suffered in the place of others and how that has taken away years of his life. If he were to die suddenly, tomorrow, would it be right to call him back?”

“Ghesh was right though. The soul of the one being called has to be willing,” Astra reaffirms.

“And able, yes. It is the kinder form of necromancy that is more of a conversation than a demand.” Her brow furrows under her circlet. “But then, what of Lady Antonia? A knight from a bygone age, dead longer than a century, that somehow came back when by all accounts the spell should not have worked?”

“That one is still a mystery, yes. Though there might have been another hand in allowing that.”

Merla looks up at Astra, taking her meaning. Tucking the flower seeds into a pouch of her satchel, she glances over to BB and Mesikammen. They are still deep in conversation. She begins to carefully make her way through the flowers, heading in what she assumes to be in the direction of the main valley. Mai, the Bear King’s young cub, pops her head up from between two blooming stalks, makes a face at Merla and then ducks down again with a giggle, which elicits a small, warm smile from Merla.

As they step into the trees, the flowers give way to plush golden moss under their feet and hooves, with bushes of purple thorns dotted on either side of the path. Merla lays a hand on Astra’s side, trying to see up past the tree thick pine needle treetops to the late afternoon sky.

“I believe in second chances, that the choices we make that lead down one path does not have to spell the end. But in Bumblebear’s case…”

“…she already had many second chances.”

Merla sighs and the forest seems to sigh with her.

“In a way, things sort of mirrored what I had said to my Mother. Bumblebear felt disconnected from everything and everyone she could have been tied to because she had lived years longer than those around her. I guess it’s easy to lose sight of the Light that Life has if all you’re seeing is how much you’ve lost.”

Astra swishes her tail as she says, “Amongst other things that happened.”

“Yes. None of us had any idea Pieni had a daughter. I… cannot even imagine that loss…”

And yet part of her can. Merla remembers all too well the sound of her Mama’s voice as she let out a half scream half wail of agonised hope when she had reached out to her family the first time. If Merla had never sought to find her mortal family, they probably would still think her missing – or worse, dead.

“She ran away from her grief, her family, her people. Some might consider that the most cruel act a person could do – abandoning your own,” Astra says.

“It cannot all be sorrow though, can it? No one is ever, truly alone. And grief… What is grief if not love persevering?”

Astra peers down at Merla. “Not everyone has the capacity to carry love through their pain.”

Merla nods, silently, a lump forming in her throat. “I was so worried Pieni wouldn’t forgive Bumblebear, too. Not that it is my place to dictate such things but… That was his last chance to say what he wanted. I did not want to see him have any more regrets. I was relieved when he said it, and meant it.”

“As am I,” Astra agrees.

Merla delicately wipes at her eyes, clearing the tears that have fallen down her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she then hums a few bars from a song, letting the music centre her again. The forest grumbles like a contented bear as they continue down the path.

After the Court of Glory had fallen, Merla was not sure what to do or how to feel towards the others who had helped Elias. She had been angry, upset, and devastated at what had happened. So many people’s lives had suddenly changed because of the actions of a few. Now, with a little distance and some time, Merla has come to realise she cannot hold onto that anger, that hatred. It feels wrong and every fibre of her being had been trying to tell her as such, it just took seeing someone else’s pain and grief to fully understand it. She will no longer hold any ill will towards Pieni, Igrainne, Travor and Elias – especially them. Her heart squeezes at the thought of her arael’ebrath**.

“When we hold onto our pain, our grief, our anger, it is easy to let it consume us. That is why it is one of the Unseelie’s strongest weapons. With forgiveness, one of the highest form of Art, can we be stronger than the Darkness.”

Across their bond Astra feels a depthless ocean of gratitude and love from her mistress as Merla leans into her side.

Later, as she and the others gather around a roaring bonfire outside of Mesikammen’s humble hut – many pots of honey slathered over very buttery scones with copious amounts of tea – Taffeta asks the Bear King if he has heard anything about Corellon and Sunday. He takes a long moment before replying.

Merla leans in a little closer, waiting with bated breath.

“It is strange,” Mesikammen begins. “We all felt what happened when Corellon intervened and then left. She was like you – Sunday. Incredibly powerful. She was also, like many of you, heartbroken, and in a way that sometimes we are not sure we can heal from. I think she is still connected to this forest and I think she still watches over it. But where she is exactly I do not know.”

Taffeta looks down at her hands, the firelight dancing over her closed eyes as she slowly nods in acceptance. Merla realises then that Sunday was one of Taffeta’s closest friends and her continued absence is felt deeply by the halfling woman.

“I think… if she comes back, she will come find you,” Mesikammen finishes, looking at Taffeta.

“Hmm, yeah. Thanks.”

“I’m sorry I cannot give you a map with an X on it. Family, it is… strange.”

“Yeah, I know,” Taffeta replies.

As the conversation continues and the stars spin overhead, Merla cannot shake a subtle quickening of her pulse at the thought of Corellon’s absence – and an identifiable nervousness to not let that thread lay too long undone.


*Tosgaire Saliysuli – Summer Revelry Envoy
**arael’ebrath – Heart friend (lit., someone you trust/value deeply)