A Beast on the Loose - Varga - 14/04/2021
Apr 15, 2021 17:20:45 GMT
Igrainne (RETIRED), Jamie J, and 6 more like this
Post by Varga on Apr 15, 2021 17:20:45 GMT
This is an except from a journal (written in character: punctuation, grammar, and understanding of magic of a half-orc barbarian).
The Adventure of A Potted Plant,
In which a flower runs for its life, a rogue is killed (and gets better), and the gardener did it.
Been working in Fort Ettin for a week. Know all the ins an![]()
d outs. Rooms up north, hall in the center, storeroom west. Walls battered at a 110 degree angle, barbican is 45% thicker than standard walling, palisades enough for two rows of archers. Will be able to pillage if need be, but difficult.
At breakfast met Kelne again, she suggested having a beer drinking competition – nope, not doing that. Again.
A human guy with a beard ate with us. Whatever. Might loot his necklace later.
Cole the barkeep told us there's a job. He doesn't talk much. Smart. A couple of rogues, a kenku and a tiefling, joined. The tiefling rogue and the human haggled for 10 more gold pieces each. I like them.
Cole said armory and warehouse got broken into and trashed. Said it's a mystery. I'll have to do some deducting. Or deducing. Or reducing. I know I'm good at least one of these.
Nothing important stolen - this means it was a very stupid person. But I didn't do it. Then the suspect must be a gardener: when there's a mystery, it's always the gardener, that's what I heard. Also, that we might need a talking dog.
I spoke to Billy, the kitchen aid. Decent guy – bad for him. He got knocked on the head yesterday. Careless. He will die first if the fort is ever attacked. His fault. He heard a high-pitched scream and smelled some flowers before he got knocked out. Someone is going around with a club and some flowers. Hope it's not my fiancé, don't want to deal with him right now.
Billy was hit near storeroom. We looked for footprints there. Ground trampled by a herd of gorgons. Or maybe just adventurers going to breakfast. In the storeroom, got sneezed at by one of the rogues, Celina. Got covered in dust. Might have taken an issue with that. But the bearded guy, Breeze, conjured wind to clean it up. She lives another day. She said it was pollen. Apparently, she's allergic. Who knew.
Storeroom small, dark. No windows. Not enough space for hoarding loot. Useless. Covered with dry sunflower seeds. Sunflower seeds don't smell, what's there to make a tiefling sneeze?
Decided to go back to the hall, catch up with the others. Celina kept sneezing. Celina stopped sneezing. Must be no more smell. Maybe it was the same pollen Billy smelled?
Picked up Celina. Brought her back to the storeroom door. She sneezed. Sent Breeze to fetch others – couldn't lose the trail. Used Celina as scent hound. She said I'd have to buy her dinner first. Agreed to buy dinner from reward money.
Scent led to the rooms up north. Alenea – familiar name, but dunno who it is.
Breeze started writing poetry. Nobody's been killed, what's there to write about? Kelne listened to the door. Smart. Celina knocked on the door and said it's room service. She was very convincing. Five people with assorted weapons as room service - less convincing. Alenea didn't mind. She's an elf, saw her round the fort couple of times.
There was a huge sunflower in a pot near the window. Not like the ones in the fields – bigger, leaves more jagged. And dead. Alenea had some books about gardening. I pointed out she wasn't a really good gardener. She said she didn't know gardening, did research. That's cause those were very old books – must be out of date, she should get new ones. Had a book about Summer Court. Didn't know the drow me and Kelne met the other day. Had lots of mechanical stuff. Said she didn't know how it works, did research.
'You sure do a lot of research on stuff you don't know,' I said.
'That's the point of research, why would I do research on something I already understand?' She replied.
These magic folk are strange. I research forts to know how to pillage them, but I know how they work. Ah, well, not everyone's cut up to be a barbarian, I suppose.
Alenea said that in the sunflower, there was a flower soldier, but it escaped. Showed picture in one of her books. It's like a dude made out of flowers in a mask. Made in Feywild. Having soldiers made of flowers – smart. No-one will take them seriously. Promised us 30 gold to get it back alive. I could use new boots. But I could also use a trophy. Difficult choice.
Someone shrieked in the courtyard. I got upset – someone stole my kill. But no, he was alive. A stable hand near the stables. Never saw horses so calm in a commotion. These horses must have seen some serious stuff.
Saw the flower soldier. It saw us and shrieked. Smart. It knew what it was in for.
Flower soldier tried to run away into the wood. Gave chase. Forger tried to shout like a bull. Kelne promised we wouldn't hurt it. It didn't care. Breeze told it a joke and played it a tune. Alenea proposed to read it a book. It ran faster. I can relate.
Forger threw ball bearings at it. Why would he have ball bearings? He must be an artificer.
It stumbled on a root. I ran faster. Stumbled on the same root. The root had made itself an enemy. It will pay later. Should have gotten out of the way.
Celina swore at the flower soldier in infernal and grappled it. She got dragged after it, but we caught up. It was good. If we continued to sing, swear, play tunes, shoot, read books to and cast illusions at it for another five minutes, it would have died of sensory overload. Less money for us.
Forger shot it. I was catching my breath, tired from a run. Alenea threw a chili in my mouth and did some magic. It really burned my tongue. I opened my mouth and breathed out. So that's how dragon breath spell works. Will need to buy Celina a beer. And a new handaxe for myself. Axe on fire looked pretty though, should try it again in a raid.
Celina got angry and stabbed the flower soldier. The flower soldier got angry and stabbed Forger. As our village priest use to say: 'For truly, in the word of Gruumsh, violence begets violence. So if you wanna win a fight – start one.'
Forger got killed. Kelne did some healing spell. Forger got better. No looting, then. Not really my day. I got stabbed by the flower soldier. It stung like hell. Really not my day.
Flower soldier faltered, but kept fighting. I stood my ground, axes in my hands, one of them on fire. Forger stood up on one knee and readied his dagger. Celina raised her rapier drenched in the ooze-like blood of the creature. Kelne raised her shield. Breeze and Alenea started dancing. Some people just can't read the room. I guess we were feeling really good, comparing ourselves to them, because we were fighting better when they were dancing.
After a couple of hits with rapiers, burning axes, arrows and daggers, the flower soldier begged to be put out of its misery. Or maybe it asked about the weather. Dunno. Don't speak flower.
Finally, Forger shot it through the leg. Dying and then shooting whoever killed you - I respect him. Alenea put manacles on the soldier. What sort of gardener has manacles on her? Kelne healed it so that it wouldn't die. Preferring reward money over own safety – very noble. I really respect her.
We've solved the mystery – the gardener (albeit not a good one) did it after all. Never solved anything before, it doesn't seem to be too hard, what those scholars are always complaining about?
The Adventure of A Potted Plant,
In which a flower runs for its life, a rogue is killed (and gets better), and the gardener did it.
Been working in Fort Ettin for a week. Know all the ins an
At breakfast met Kelne again, she suggested having a beer drinking competition – nope, not doing that. Again.
A human guy with a beard ate with us. Whatever. Might loot his necklace later.
Cole the barkeep told us there's a job. He doesn't talk much. Smart. A couple of rogues, a kenku and a tiefling, joined. The tiefling rogue and the human haggled for 10 more gold pieces each. I like them.
Cole said armory and warehouse got broken into and trashed. Said it's a mystery. I'll have to do some deducting. Or deducing. Or reducing. I know I'm good at least one of these.
Nothing important stolen - this means it was a very stupid person. But I didn't do it. Then the suspect must be a gardener: when there's a mystery, it's always the gardener, that's what I heard. Also, that we might need a talking dog.
I spoke to Billy, the kitchen aid. Decent guy – bad for him. He got knocked on the head yesterday. Careless. He will die first if the fort is ever attacked. His fault. He heard a high-pitched scream and smelled some flowers before he got knocked out. Someone is going around with a club and some flowers. Hope it's not my fiancé, don't want to deal with him right now.
Billy was hit near storeroom. We looked for footprints there. Ground trampled by a herd of gorgons. Or maybe just adventurers going to breakfast. In the storeroom, got sneezed at by one of the rogues, Celina. Got covered in dust. Might have taken an issue with that. But the bearded guy, Breeze, conjured wind to clean it up. She lives another day. She said it was pollen. Apparently, she's allergic. Who knew.
Storeroom small, dark. No windows. Not enough space for hoarding loot. Useless. Covered with dry sunflower seeds. Sunflower seeds don't smell, what's there to make a tiefling sneeze?
Decided to go back to the hall, catch up with the others. Celina kept sneezing. Celina stopped sneezing. Must be no more smell. Maybe it was the same pollen Billy smelled?
Picked up Celina. Brought her back to the storeroom door. She sneezed. Sent Breeze to fetch others – couldn't lose the trail. Used Celina as scent hound. She said I'd have to buy her dinner first. Agreed to buy dinner from reward money.
Scent led to the rooms up north. Alenea – familiar name, but dunno who it is.
Breeze started writing poetry. Nobody's been killed, what's there to write about? Kelne listened to the door. Smart. Celina knocked on the door and said it's room service. She was very convincing. Five people with assorted weapons as room service - less convincing. Alenea didn't mind. She's an elf, saw her round the fort couple of times.
There was a huge sunflower in a pot near the window. Not like the ones in the fields – bigger, leaves more jagged. And dead. Alenea had some books about gardening. I pointed out she wasn't a really good gardener. She said she didn't know gardening, did research. That's cause those were very old books – must be out of date, she should get new ones. Had a book about Summer Court. Didn't know the drow me and Kelne met the other day. Had lots of mechanical stuff. Said she didn't know how it works, did research.
'You sure do a lot of research on stuff you don't know,' I said.
'That's the point of research, why would I do research on something I already understand?' She replied.
These magic folk are strange. I research forts to know how to pillage them, but I know how they work. Ah, well, not everyone's cut up to be a barbarian, I suppose.
Alenea said that in the sunflower, there was a flower soldier, but it escaped. Showed picture in one of her books. It's like a dude made out of flowers in a mask. Made in Feywild. Having soldiers made of flowers – smart. No-one will take them seriously. Promised us 30 gold to get it back alive. I could use new boots. But I could also use a trophy. Difficult choice.
Someone shrieked in the courtyard. I got upset – someone stole my kill. But no, he was alive. A stable hand near the stables. Never saw horses so calm in a commotion. These horses must have seen some serious stuff.
Saw the flower soldier. It saw us and shrieked. Smart. It knew what it was in for.
Flower soldier tried to run away into the wood. Gave chase. Forger tried to shout like a bull. Kelne promised we wouldn't hurt it. It didn't care. Breeze told it a joke and played it a tune. Alenea proposed to read it a book. It ran faster. I can relate.
Forger threw ball bearings at it. Why would he have ball bearings? He must be an artificer.
It stumbled on a root. I ran faster. Stumbled on the same root. The root had made itself an enemy. It will pay later. Should have gotten out of the way.
Celina swore at the flower soldier in infernal and grappled it. She got dragged after it, but we caught up. It was good. If we continued to sing, swear, play tunes, shoot, read books to and cast illusions at it for another five minutes, it would have died of sensory overload. Less money for us.
Forger shot it. I was catching my breath, tired from a run. Alenea threw a chili in my mouth and did some magic. It really burned my tongue. I opened my mouth and breathed out. So that's how dragon breath spell works. Will need to buy Celina a beer. And a new handaxe for myself. Axe on fire looked pretty though, should try it again in a raid.
Celina got angry and stabbed the flower soldier. The flower soldier got angry and stabbed Forger. As our village priest use to say: 'For truly, in the word of Gruumsh, violence begets violence. So if you wanna win a fight – start one.'
Forger got killed. Kelne did some healing spell. Forger got better. No looting, then. Not really my day. I got stabbed by the flower soldier. It stung like hell. Really not my day.
Flower soldier faltered, but kept fighting. I stood my ground, axes in my hands, one of them on fire. Forger stood up on one knee and readied his dagger. Celina raised her rapier drenched in the ooze-like blood of the creature. Kelne raised her shield. Breeze and Alenea started dancing. Some people just can't read the room. I guess we were feeling really good, comparing ourselves to them, because we were fighting better when they were dancing.
After a couple of hits with rapiers, burning axes, arrows and daggers, the flower soldier begged to be put out of its misery. Or maybe it asked about the weather. Dunno. Don't speak flower.
Finally, Forger shot it through the leg. Dying and then shooting whoever killed you - I respect him. Alenea put manacles on the soldier. What sort of gardener has manacles on her? Kelne healed it so that it wouldn't die. Preferring reward money over own safety – very noble. I really respect her.
We've solved the mystery – the gardener (albeit not a good one) did it after all. Never solved anything before, it doesn't seem to be too hard, what those scholars are always complaining about?
