2020-11-11 – Bog standard diplomacy – Dwirhian
Nov 15, 2020 15:19:32 GMT
BB, Queen Merla, the Sun-Blessed, and 2 more like this
Post by Dwirhian on Nov 15, 2020 15:19:32 GMT
On this rainy night you and a group of others are sitting by the fireplace in the Three-headed Ettin, enjoying the warmth and exchanging stories of your recent exploits. Malun has just finished recounting a job he had a few days ago escorting a farrier to Stoneleaf – with many amusing descriptions of his client’s irritating habits and wrong-headed opinions. The group marks the end of the tale with appreciative laughter and a clinking of flagons. After draining your own, you get up and head to the bar to order another round.
When you get back, Dwirhian is saying something about Port Ffirst. Didn’t you get back from there nearly a tenday ago, you ask. She laughs and explains that only a day after getting back she’d realized she’d left her cube there and had to go back for it. Her cube? Yes, she says, and pulls from her small bag a little wooden cube with a different, slightly faded colour painted on each side, except where the paint has worn off at the edge and corners. What does it do? asks Cake. It reminds me of someone, Dwirhian says; but never mind that – that isn’t the story.
As you listen, it becomes apparent that the story is about a diplomatic mission. While she was in Port Ffirst again, she explains, Dwirhian happened to see a notice asking for people to go to a ‘neighbouring community’. This sounded like exactly the sort of thing she loves doing so she turned up at the Flourished Hook at sunrise and met the person in charge of the trip, a halfling (those are the ones like small humans, right? she asks) called Norbert Dewfoot.
Ivan, the human sailor she’d met at the poetry night, was there too. He looked as good as last time, and he seemed pleased to see her again, but there was someone else there called Greer – sort of human-looking but with horns and white eyes, is it normal for humans to have horns and white eyes? – anyway they seemed to know each other and there was some kind of vibe there, Dwirhian wasn’t quite sure what it was but she thought maybe getting too cosy with Ivan might not be the best move. She didn’t mind though because there was this gorgeous firbolg, wonderfully tall and blue with long silvery hair and lovely flower tattoos on her arms, and she was so nice, she made circlets of flowers for everyone to wear on their heads, her name’s Big Blue or BB for short, isn’t that cute? And she had a friend with her who was a very polite plant, is that normal here? And then there was a drow, he was quite handsome too, come to think of it, but very snooty, and a serious human with yellow hair and a big dog. They were called Jaezred and Kyra (the drow and the human) and it seemed like they knew each other and wished they didn’t.
Norbert explained (using a lot of words) that the people in charge of Daring Heights and Port Ffirst – are they the same people, by the way? no? but they cooperate on stuff? sort of? okay. Anyway, they’re trying to make allies in other places, and as part of that, Norbert wanted Dwirhian and the others to go with him to make friends with some people called the bullywugs who live in the Frog Bog. It turned out Kyra and BB had already met the bullywugs, which was great, and Kyra had actually been involved in killing their last leader, which was not so good, but she and BB thought maybe the bullywugs might have been glad about their leader being killed, which was… maybe good again. Dwirhian found it all a bit confusing but one thing that was definitely useful was that Kyra knew they really like metal, so she suggested the group buy a handful of metal things before leaving town. And BB paid for it all! She’s so nice.
Cake mentions that Cake is feeling quite warm on one side (the side near the fire) and not so warm on the other, so Malun suggests everyone changes places, which you all do. Once you’re all settled in your new places and you’ve begun to feel the comforting heat tickling the other side of your face, Dwirhian takes up the story again. The metal thing, she says, turned out to be a great idea. At first the bullywug leader, who was called something like Taedurn, wasn’t very friendly, but when Kyra handed over the gifts they got a lot more interested.
The bullywugs are sort of toad people, by the way, Dwirhian tells you all. Did you know that? Are bullywugs common where you come from? Are they common over on this side of the continent? They’re very interesting. They seem quite proud of their achievements as fighters and hunters and they like telling stories about them. The language is quite tricky, Dwirhian says, but she managed to pick up a little bit – and she proceeds to demonstrate a few throaty croaking noises.
One of the noises, which sounds something like ‘be’hooooah-bu-buh’, she translates as ‘bog slop’. She says this is a sort of uncooked stew with various ingredients, not all of which are things she’d consider edible, that the bullywugs served her and the others. It was horrible but everyone apart from Norbert managed to keep it down, and Taedurn seemed to respect them for eating it.
Then the group were invited to take part in some traditional bullywug competitions. First was mud-wrestling, which Ivan and Greer and BB took part in. Ivan took off his shirt for it, Dwirhian says appreciatively. BB didn’t, but you can’t have everything. They all did pretty well. Greer and Ivan beat their opponents. BB made a good effort but eventually got tripped and fell down splat. But she got up looking very cheerful and said she’d mainly just wanted an excuse to get covered in mud, which was adorable.
Dwirhian herself took part in the next two events. One was spear-throwing; well, anything-throwing, it turned out, because Greer was allowed to use her crossbow and Ivan threw one of his axes. Dwirhian and Jasper both threw spears like the bullywugs. She should probably have used her sling, Dwirhian says; she isn’t used to spears and didn’t do very well. But Greer won! She was very impressive.
Then it was – Dwirhian makes another strangled sound – which was a sort of spider-riding contest, or more of a not-falling-off contest. Some of the bullywugs ride around on the backs of giant spiders, she explains, but they say it’s very difficult. And they aren’t wrong! Though they may be exaggerating a bit to make the spider-riders seem more impressive; that seems to be the custom. Ivan and Dwirhian were keen to try it, and Kyra and BB decided to have a go too. BB turned herself into a giant snake! And then she kind of coiled round the spider and hung on. Amazing! The others just tried their best to cling on with hands and legs as the spiders leapt and shook and ran and even climbed up into the tree-tops and jumped through the branches. Dwirhian says proudly that she and Ivan managed to hang on longer than any of the bullywugs and were each given a special spider-silk cape as a prize, like the ones the riders wear as a prize.
The last contest was a big set-piece, with the whole settlement watching. Single combat between the bullywug champion and one of the Port Ffirst ‘diplomats’. This was where ‘Lord’ Jaezred, the drow, came forward. The bullywug ‘overcroaker’ was powerfully built and covered in armour made of hide and bone, and brandished a heavy-looking spear. But – Dwirhian laughs – they didn’t manage to make a single scratch on Jaezred. First of all he made the warrior just completely vanish with a little ‘pff’ noise, but the crowd were so baffled by this that they didn’t seem to interpret it as a victory. So the magician brought the bullywug back and promptly zapped them with a succession of spells, including floating them up and down in the air in a very comical way, before eventually knocking them unconscious and gently lowering them to the ground. (And BB immediately did some healing magic to revive them – so nice!)
This the crowd seemed to accept as a decisive win, though some were more alarmed than entertained. Anyway, over all the leader seemed pretty impressed with how the group of visitors had handled everything, and decided to let Norbert stay a bit longer. Norbert was pleased too (he’d recovered from the bog slop by this point) and gave the group a lot of money as a reward. (Two hundred gold coins each is a lot of money, right? asks Dwirhian. Anyway it’s like more than double the money that she had before so that’s pretty good as far as she’s concerned, she says.)
It’s about time for another round and Cake goes to the bar while Dwirhian wraps up her description of the rest of the day that her group spent with the bullywugs – learning a little of their language and customs, playing a few more games, sharing stories of adventure with a few of the more fluent common-speakers. She also confides how she told BB about the Feyverge Valley and Levon the botanist and offered to introduce her to them and BB seemed really interested and they may have sort of agreed to have a picnic in the valley at some point…
So are you glad you forgot your cube? asks Malun. Definitely, Dwirhian nods. It was a good day.
When you get back, Dwirhian is saying something about Port Ffirst. Didn’t you get back from there nearly a tenday ago, you ask. She laughs and explains that only a day after getting back she’d realized she’d left her cube there and had to go back for it. Her cube? Yes, she says, and pulls from her small bag a little wooden cube with a different, slightly faded colour painted on each side, except where the paint has worn off at the edge and corners. What does it do? asks Cake. It reminds me of someone, Dwirhian says; but never mind that – that isn’t the story.
As you listen, it becomes apparent that the story is about a diplomatic mission. While she was in Port Ffirst again, she explains, Dwirhian happened to see a notice asking for people to go to a ‘neighbouring community’. This sounded like exactly the sort of thing she loves doing so she turned up at the Flourished Hook at sunrise and met the person in charge of the trip, a halfling (those are the ones like small humans, right? she asks) called Norbert Dewfoot.
Ivan, the human sailor she’d met at the poetry night, was there too. He looked as good as last time, and he seemed pleased to see her again, but there was someone else there called Greer – sort of human-looking but with horns and white eyes, is it normal for humans to have horns and white eyes? – anyway they seemed to know each other and there was some kind of vibe there, Dwirhian wasn’t quite sure what it was but she thought maybe getting too cosy with Ivan might not be the best move. She didn’t mind though because there was this gorgeous firbolg, wonderfully tall and blue with long silvery hair and lovely flower tattoos on her arms, and she was so nice, she made circlets of flowers for everyone to wear on their heads, her name’s Big Blue or BB for short, isn’t that cute? And she had a friend with her who was a very polite plant, is that normal here? And then there was a drow, he was quite handsome too, come to think of it, but very snooty, and a serious human with yellow hair and a big dog. They were called Jaezred and Kyra (the drow and the human) and it seemed like they knew each other and wished they didn’t.
Norbert explained (using a lot of words) that the people in charge of Daring Heights and Port Ffirst – are they the same people, by the way? no? but they cooperate on stuff? sort of? okay. Anyway, they’re trying to make allies in other places, and as part of that, Norbert wanted Dwirhian and the others to go with him to make friends with some people called the bullywugs who live in the Frog Bog. It turned out Kyra and BB had already met the bullywugs, which was great, and Kyra had actually been involved in killing their last leader, which was not so good, but she and BB thought maybe the bullywugs might have been glad about their leader being killed, which was… maybe good again. Dwirhian found it all a bit confusing but one thing that was definitely useful was that Kyra knew they really like metal, so she suggested the group buy a handful of metal things before leaving town. And BB paid for it all! She’s so nice.
Cake mentions that Cake is feeling quite warm on one side (the side near the fire) and not so warm on the other, so Malun suggests everyone changes places, which you all do. Once you’re all settled in your new places and you’ve begun to feel the comforting heat tickling the other side of your face, Dwirhian takes up the story again. The metal thing, she says, turned out to be a great idea. At first the bullywug leader, who was called something like Taedurn, wasn’t very friendly, but when Kyra handed over the gifts they got a lot more interested.
The bullywugs are sort of toad people, by the way, Dwirhian tells you all. Did you know that? Are bullywugs common where you come from? Are they common over on this side of the continent? They’re very interesting. They seem quite proud of their achievements as fighters and hunters and they like telling stories about them. The language is quite tricky, Dwirhian says, but she managed to pick up a little bit – and she proceeds to demonstrate a few throaty croaking noises.
One of the noises, which sounds something like ‘be’hooooah-bu-buh’, she translates as ‘bog slop’. She says this is a sort of uncooked stew with various ingredients, not all of which are things she’d consider edible, that the bullywugs served her and the others. It was horrible but everyone apart from Norbert managed to keep it down, and Taedurn seemed to respect them for eating it.
Then the group were invited to take part in some traditional bullywug competitions. First was mud-wrestling, which Ivan and Greer and BB took part in. Ivan took off his shirt for it, Dwirhian says appreciatively. BB didn’t, but you can’t have everything. They all did pretty well. Greer and Ivan beat their opponents. BB made a good effort but eventually got tripped and fell down splat. But she got up looking very cheerful and said she’d mainly just wanted an excuse to get covered in mud, which was adorable.
Dwirhian herself took part in the next two events. One was spear-throwing; well, anything-throwing, it turned out, because Greer was allowed to use her crossbow and Ivan threw one of his axes. Dwirhian and Jasper both threw spears like the bullywugs. She should probably have used her sling, Dwirhian says; she isn’t used to spears and didn’t do very well. But Greer won! She was very impressive.
Then it was – Dwirhian makes another strangled sound – which was a sort of spider-riding contest, or more of a not-falling-off contest. Some of the bullywugs ride around on the backs of giant spiders, she explains, but they say it’s very difficult. And they aren’t wrong! Though they may be exaggerating a bit to make the spider-riders seem more impressive; that seems to be the custom. Ivan and Dwirhian were keen to try it, and Kyra and BB decided to have a go too. BB turned herself into a giant snake! And then she kind of coiled round the spider and hung on. Amazing! The others just tried their best to cling on with hands and legs as the spiders leapt and shook and ran and even climbed up into the tree-tops and jumped through the branches. Dwirhian says proudly that she and Ivan managed to hang on longer than any of the bullywugs and were each given a special spider-silk cape as a prize, like the ones the riders wear as a prize.
The last contest was a big set-piece, with the whole settlement watching. Single combat between the bullywug champion and one of the Port Ffirst ‘diplomats’. This was where ‘Lord’ Jaezred, the drow, came forward. The bullywug ‘overcroaker’ was powerfully built and covered in armour made of hide and bone, and brandished a heavy-looking spear. But – Dwirhian laughs – they didn’t manage to make a single scratch on Jaezred. First of all he made the warrior just completely vanish with a little ‘pff’ noise, but the crowd were so baffled by this that they didn’t seem to interpret it as a victory. So the magician brought the bullywug back and promptly zapped them with a succession of spells, including floating them up and down in the air in a very comical way, before eventually knocking them unconscious and gently lowering them to the ground. (And BB immediately did some healing magic to revive them – so nice!)
This the crowd seemed to accept as a decisive win, though some were more alarmed than entertained. Anyway, over all the leader seemed pretty impressed with how the group of visitors had handled everything, and decided to let Norbert stay a bit longer. Norbert was pleased too (he’d recovered from the bog slop by this point) and gave the group a lot of money as a reward. (Two hundred gold coins each is a lot of money, right? asks Dwirhian. Anyway it’s like more than double the money that she had before so that’s pretty good as far as she’s concerned, she says.)
It’s about time for another round and Cake goes to the bar while Dwirhian wraps up her description of the rest of the day that her group spent with the bullywugs – learning a little of their language and customs, playing a few more games, sharing stories of adventure with a few of the more fluent common-speakers. She also confides how she told BB about the Feyverge Valley and Levon the botanist and offered to introduce her to them and BB seemed really interested and they may have sort of agreed to have a picnic in the valley at some point…
So are you glad you forgot your cube? asks Malun. Definitely, Dwirhian nods. It was a good day.
