Aliens in a Cave - Coll's Account (25th July)
Jul 26, 2017 12:38:43 GMT
Neil, Tugark (Retired), and 1 more like this
Post by andycd on Jul 26, 2017 12:38:43 GMT
One evening in the Ettin after one of the now familiar bards finishes their rather jaunty set, Coll takes off his apron and jumps up to the stage, foamy mug of ale in his hand, in a strange green mug.
"Ladies and gentlemen, adventurers all, please raise your glasses to Tugark, Galen and Dran, without whom I would not be here today!" He raises his tankard, and you can see that it's crafted from solid jade.
"I'd like to tell you about our venture to the woods to the north this week, as I've heard so many of your stories over the last months and can finally share my own. You've all heard of the cave filled with spiders and jade up north? Well a few plucky souls decided it was time to go clear it out, and I decided to tag along. It'd been a long time since I'd gotten to really test myself, and you lot have had surprisingly few bar fights so violent I needed to get involved. So, off we went. And got almost immediately sidetracked."
"We found an overturned wagon a few miles outside of town, and some traces that said that some purveyor of holy water or some such had been taken by something large. As people's lives were at risk, we changed course and tracked it into the forest for several miles."
He coughs and takes a quick drink. "After very little difficulty and absolutely not getting lost, we managed to find a massive creature - a giant in fact, just finishing off eating some poor souls he had abducted. He made a grab at Galen and nearly ate him, except Galen stabbed him in the face with his knife, which the giant didn't seem to like at all. Well, we all piled in and long story short we eviscerated him. This giant towered a full three times even Tugark's height, but Tugark just rolled his shoulders back and then pulled the giant's leg out from under him, causing the huge thing to collapse. Dran blessed us with the guidance of his god - Marthammor I think - dwarven travel god. Great guy in my books - I could feel that blessing making me stronger."
Coll pauses for breath. "What happened once we defeated the giant I'm not sure I can repeat, even in impolite company such as yourselves, but I certainly learned that for Galen, 'looting the corpse' doesn't stop until there is no more corpse to loot. Incidentally, if you're in the market for giant balls, Galen's got a spare pair."
"We never did figure out exactly what was going on with that wagon - presumably the giant attacked and ate the cleric, but we couldn't find anything discernable amongst the remains... no matter how deeply Galen delved. But hopefully, that problem is resolved. Anyway, we got back on track after that, and headed north west to the cave. We reached it late in the afternoon, and were greeted with carnage. A bunch of those Twilight creatures had been killed by these weird spider-crabs in front of the cave entrance, and some of the spider-crabs were dead too. We hunted around, found more of them scuttling around in the cave, and so we dove in to attack."
"Now here's the scene: a cave tunnel with weird small crab creatures with snake heads scuttling around the walls and several larger ones blocking up two side passages. A torch we threw on the floor provided the light, and Galen had another he was using as a club. The little ones were crushed pretty instantly with a few well timed blows from us, but the big ones proved a lot tougher. Tugark and Galen squared off against the two on the left, while Dran and I took the pair on the right. And that was the real battle.
They were slimy and I kept finding my fists and club were just sliding off of them, while this big one practically climbed on top of me, just clawing at me with gods-know-what appendages. I could hear Tugark and Galen making sound work of their pair, but Dran had to do everything he could to stop me getting overwhelmed."
He sighed, and winced, touching a sore spot on his side. "I'm not going to lie. I think I needed more practice before heading back out. That crab took me clean out. I didn't see what happened next, but next thing I knew I was being force fed potions and Galen was handing Tugark his pickaxe and staring at the walls with a hunger I haven't seen in many sane people."
"The cave didn't just have a little bit of jade in it, you see?" Coll raises his green jade tankard again. "The cave was coated in the stuff, and it went back quite a ways. We spent the rest of the day watching Tugark mine the lot of it, and then headed back in darkness."
"That should have been the end of the adventure, but life isn't simple and the day wasn't over. We found two bodies on the way back. One by the Lighthouse Tree, trapped under a boulder, and one further on, only a few miles from Daring Heights with his leg torn off." He pauses and raises his glass once again. "Please raise your glasses for Lindafel, an adventurer and resident of the Ettin for more than half a year. Crushed under a boulder, I'd guess thrown by that hill giant we killed. They like throwing big things. But then he would have eaten the body, so perhaps that's a mystery to solve... The other body I didn't recognise, but he had a letter in his pocket from Ranos, another adventurer and one I haven't seen in a long time."
He looks around the room. "Anyone who's seen Ranos, by the way, or knows what this is all about, I recommend you speak to Galen, Tugark or Dran. It'd be good to figure out what on earth that's all about."
"Anyway, that was our day - a giant, some crabs, a lot of bruises, a bunch of jade and a lot of corpses. Thanks for letting me come along, guys. I enjoyed getting out, but maybe I'll stick to bar tending for a while. It's bloody dangerous out there. And in case that story wasn't interesting enough for you, the next round's on me!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, adventurers all, please raise your glasses to Tugark, Galen and Dran, without whom I would not be here today!" He raises his tankard, and you can see that it's crafted from solid jade.
"I'd like to tell you about our venture to the woods to the north this week, as I've heard so many of your stories over the last months and can finally share my own. You've all heard of the cave filled with spiders and jade up north? Well a few plucky souls decided it was time to go clear it out, and I decided to tag along. It'd been a long time since I'd gotten to really test myself, and you lot have had surprisingly few bar fights so violent I needed to get involved. So, off we went. And got almost immediately sidetracked."
"We found an overturned wagon a few miles outside of town, and some traces that said that some purveyor of holy water or some such had been taken by something large. As people's lives were at risk, we changed course and tracked it into the forest for several miles."
He coughs and takes a quick drink. "After very little difficulty and absolutely not getting lost, we managed to find a massive creature - a giant in fact, just finishing off eating some poor souls he had abducted. He made a grab at Galen and nearly ate him, except Galen stabbed him in the face with his knife, which the giant didn't seem to like at all. Well, we all piled in and long story short we eviscerated him. This giant towered a full three times even Tugark's height, but Tugark just rolled his shoulders back and then pulled the giant's leg out from under him, causing the huge thing to collapse. Dran blessed us with the guidance of his god - Marthammor I think - dwarven travel god. Great guy in my books - I could feel that blessing making me stronger."
Coll pauses for breath. "What happened once we defeated the giant I'm not sure I can repeat, even in impolite company such as yourselves, but I certainly learned that for Galen, 'looting the corpse' doesn't stop until there is no more corpse to loot. Incidentally, if you're in the market for giant balls, Galen's got a spare pair."
"We never did figure out exactly what was going on with that wagon - presumably the giant attacked and ate the cleric, but we couldn't find anything discernable amongst the remains... no matter how deeply Galen delved. But hopefully, that problem is resolved. Anyway, we got back on track after that, and headed north west to the cave. We reached it late in the afternoon, and were greeted with carnage. A bunch of those Twilight creatures had been killed by these weird spider-crabs in front of the cave entrance, and some of the spider-crabs were dead too. We hunted around, found more of them scuttling around in the cave, and so we dove in to attack."
"Now here's the scene: a cave tunnel with weird small crab creatures with snake heads scuttling around the walls and several larger ones blocking up two side passages. A torch we threw on the floor provided the light, and Galen had another he was using as a club. The little ones were crushed pretty instantly with a few well timed blows from us, but the big ones proved a lot tougher. Tugark and Galen squared off against the two on the left, while Dran and I took the pair on the right. And that was the real battle.
They were slimy and I kept finding my fists and club were just sliding off of them, while this big one practically climbed on top of me, just clawing at me with gods-know-what appendages. I could hear Tugark and Galen making sound work of their pair, but Dran had to do everything he could to stop me getting overwhelmed."
He sighed, and winced, touching a sore spot on his side. "I'm not going to lie. I think I needed more practice before heading back out. That crab took me clean out. I didn't see what happened next, but next thing I knew I was being force fed potions and Galen was handing Tugark his pickaxe and staring at the walls with a hunger I haven't seen in many sane people."
"The cave didn't just have a little bit of jade in it, you see?" Coll raises his green jade tankard again. "The cave was coated in the stuff, and it went back quite a ways. We spent the rest of the day watching Tugark mine the lot of it, and then headed back in darkness."
"That should have been the end of the adventure, but life isn't simple and the day wasn't over. We found two bodies on the way back. One by the Lighthouse Tree, trapped under a boulder, and one further on, only a few miles from Daring Heights with his leg torn off." He pauses and raises his glass once again. "Please raise your glasses for Lindafel, an adventurer and resident of the Ettin for more than half a year. Crushed under a boulder, I'd guess thrown by that hill giant we killed. They like throwing big things. But then he would have eaten the body, so perhaps that's a mystery to solve... The other body I didn't recognise, but he had a letter in his pocket from Ranos, another adventurer and one I haven't seen in a long time."
He looks around the room. "Anyone who's seen Ranos, by the way, or knows what this is all about, I recommend you speak to Galen, Tugark or Dran. It'd be good to figure out what on earth that's all about."
"Anyway, that was our day - a giant, some crabs, a lot of bruises, a bunch of jade and a lot of corpses. Thanks for letting me come along, guys. I enjoyed getting out, but maybe I'll stick to bar tending for a while. It's bloody dangerous out there. And in case that story wasn't interesting enough for you, the next round's on me!"
