Post by kxte on Sept 26, 2020 23:11:23 GMT
Content warning - injury mention
IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO OAKENWALDS CORK AND CAULDRON
Dear Diary,
Personally I think keeping a diary when I’m nearly an adult is a stupid idea, but mum says it’s a good way to ‘process my emotions’ and she’s sitting across the room from me practically forcing me to do this, so here goes.
Yesterday I stood up for myself, and lost an eye in return.
Admittedly ‘lost’ may be a little dramatic, I’m pretty sure my actual eye is still in its socket; it didn’t fall out or get stolen or poof into thin air. What I am pretty sure I have lost is my sight out of it. There was so much blood and pain that I can’t imagine any amount of healing would fix it, especially since it was hours before mum found me, passed out half way home. Every time I ask her how bad the damage is she gives me a weird look which I’m pretty sure means ‘it’s absolutely buggered Elidi’.
I don’t care about the injury all that much. I’ve got another eye after all. Plus there was that book I read where the girl thought her love interest’s scar was sexy so maybe if I ever meet someone it’ll work in my favour okay mum’s looking over again frowning I’m pretty sure she knows I’m just writing rubbish at this point.
Okay. Honest emotions. We can do this.
I’m not ignorant to how some of the world sees me. I grew up hiding in the back of the store desperate to say hello to customers, I heard the whispers of distaste when word got out that there was a tiefling living in the town apothecary, I’ve seen the customers who never return, had nightmares about the threats some screamed at my mother. I have grown accustomed to small minds and ignorance, all with the comfort that I have a family who love me dearly and the strength to know the words of those who hated me were empty. How many nights did I waste, arguing with my mother, begging her to let me live a normal life and not have to stay constantly chaperoned? How little does that all mean now that this has happened?
Mum is growing older now, and as much as she’ll never admit it she needs me. All I wanted was to help, to grab supplies from town so she could rest. I should have just kept my mouth shut, been the ‘bigger person’ like she always says, put her needs above it all. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand there and be turned away by that horrible alchemist knowing there was only one reason he refused me service. I snapped, and he snapped back harder.
I can see in her eyes when she looks at me how much she worries. Looking at her now, I wonder how many of her wrinkles are caused by her concern. Are those circles under her eyes because she can’t sleep with stress? She has loved me and cared for me and given me everything she has. Now she has to work until she physically can't carry on caring for me, or spend her days worrying that I won’t return home.
This is the problem with having a diary, is there’s no ending. No nice conclusion. Maybe one day we’ll move, find somewhere for mum to retire and for me to work happily without fear or anger. But who knows when that will be.
For now, we’ll sit by the fire with Pumpkin and drink some tea.
- Elidi Oakenwald, age 17
IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO OAKENWALDS CORK AND CAULDRON
Dear Diary,
Personally I think keeping a diary when I’m nearly an adult is a stupid idea, but mum says it’s a good way to ‘process my emotions’ and she’s sitting across the room from me practically forcing me to do this, so here goes.
Yesterday I stood up for myself, and lost an eye in return.
Admittedly ‘lost’ may be a little dramatic, I’m pretty sure my actual eye is still in its socket; it didn’t fall out or get stolen or poof into thin air. What I am pretty sure I have lost is my sight out of it. There was so much blood and pain that I can’t imagine any amount of healing would fix it, especially since it was hours before mum found me, passed out half way home. Every time I ask her how bad the damage is she gives me a weird look which I’m pretty sure means ‘it’s absolutely buggered Elidi’.
I don’t care about the injury all that much. I’ve got another eye after all. Plus there was that book I read where the girl thought her love interest’s scar was sexy so maybe if I ever meet someone it’ll work in my favour okay mum’s looking over again frowning I’m pretty sure she knows I’m just writing rubbish at this point.
Okay. Honest emotions. We can do this.
I’m not ignorant to how some of the world sees me. I grew up hiding in the back of the store desperate to say hello to customers, I heard the whispers of distaste when word got out that there was a tiefling living in the town apothecary, I’ve seen the customers who never return, had nightmares about the threats some screamed at my mother. I have grown accustomed to small minds and ignorance, all with the comfort that I have a family who love me dearly and the strength to know the words of those who hated me were empty. How many nights did I waste, arguing with my mother, begging her to let me live a normal life and not have to stay constantly chaperoned? How little does that all mean now that this has happened?
Mum is growing older now, and as much as she’ll never admit it she needs me. All I wanted was to help, to grab supplies from town so she could rest. I should have just kept my mouth shut, been the ‘bigger person’ like she always says, put her needs above it all. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand there and be turned away by that horrible alchemist knowing there was only one reason he refused me service. I snapped, and he snapped back harder.
I can see in her eyes when she looks at me how much she worries. Looking at her now, I wonder how many of her wrinkles are caused by her concern. Are those circles under her eyes because she can’t sleep with stress? She has loved me and cared for me and given me everything she has. Now she has to work until she physically can't carry on caring for me, or spend her days worrying that I won’t return home.
This is the problem with having a diary, is there’s no ending. No nice conclusion. Maybe one day we’ll move, find somewhere for mum to retire and for me to work happily without fear or anger. But who knows when that will be.
For now, we’ll sit by the fire with Pumpkin and drink some tea.
- Elidi Oakenwald, age 17