Post by Jim (Wee Mad Haimish/Gütts) on Apr 8, 2020 13:21:57 GMT
in the Cavernous Seashank, the small fur covered ginger halfling is again drinking a stein of ale as big as himself jabbing an old chicken bone at a patron of the pub:
Bears!, hah! let me tell ye aboot bears, thay micht blether Big, 'n' keek big bit in th' end they’re juist overgrown teddies.
So th' ither day, richt. Ah wis sittin` 'ere minding mah ain business as usual, 'n' lo 'n' behold yit anither poff cam in keekin fur “adventurers”. Althoogh this time it wasn’t sae much tae murdurr this or tae fetch that, 'twas more lik' a BDSM thingie request. Th' peacock wanted tae fetch him a wee mistress 'n' bondage her up in th' feywild, basically snatching th' wee lassie fae this fellow by da name, Amanos. O' coorse ah said a'd dae it if th' dosh wis guid, bloody guid goin', this Cadfan chap wis 'ere again, padding oot th' request wi' some mae swallyin money.
So a bunch o' ither “opportunists” wur 'ere as weel, sae we decided tae gang up tae git it dane quicker. Sae efter a few pints we set aff towards th' feywild. Sae ah don’t ken aboot ye, bit i’ve git some afore history wi' th' wee bastards in th' feywild, sae ah armoured up, ye ne'er ken wi' these pesky wee flying pests. Anyway we fun this wee halfling, Briepip, aye lik' in th' crowdie. 'n' he git tae th' richt steid, whilk is guid, fur thare wis something wrong wi' th' woods in th' feywild, ill feelin`s if ye git me?.
Anyway Amanos hideout wis crawling wi' these bearfolk fellows, sae ah decided tae hae a bawherr o' a chinwag wi' thaim, bit thay turned oot tae be racists, 'n' cannibals.
Oh, did ah forgoat tae tell ye ah wis chinwagging wi' thaim as a bear masell, och aye ah thought that wid be th' best coorse o' action in a situation lik' this, ye ken: “hey thare i’m juist lik' ye, let me through”.
But as usual th' big fellows teuk it th' wrong wey 'n' decided tae sloch us, guid thing ah prepared a can o' whoopass earlier. Bit thay bastards wur nae alone, yin o' thair mates cam aboot, a flying bloody owlbear beastie, 'n' oan tap o' it a' th' beastie bloody weel wis breathing fire.
But as ah said, a' they fey folk, ur a' juist gigant twinks, bit efter dispatching o' th' parade we proceeded thro' th' windae, fur thare is juist sae muckle cub-bashing yin kin do.
In th' hideout we follaed oor noses, 'n' quickly fun th' wee wifu, Suada. Turns oot she wis under a geas tae finish some pentin fur th' main kahoona, Amanos. Guid thing we brought th' BDSM anti-magic cage.
So she presented us wi' a quicker option tae` tae lea th' hideout, weel at least a option tae` wi' less guts 'n' brain-matter. Thare wis a bear fellow, imprisoned that cuid teleport us oot, awright if it saves me traivelin, 'n' brings me a pint quicker ah wis a' fur it.
Anyway, th' key tae th' cage that held th' poor fellow wis guarded by a greedy dryad, th' ither pairtie members, sold bits o' themself sae ah didn’t hae tae. We finally fun th' ghastly fellow, whilk ah hawp wis a polymorphed eladrin or th' lik', parntly gaun by th' name of, Dah, in his new ursine guise.
Althoogh whin we stairt teleporting oot, this Amanos fellow comes rushing in a bit peeved, that we’ve nicked his wee mistress, guid thing ah keep some o' mah tangleweed handy, and th' wee gnome lassie cast some sort o' spell o' fear.
So, Amanos laird o' bears wis goin' "Waily-Waily!" lik' a bawherr scared lassie, 'n' we leisury offskied thro' th' portal. 'n' 'ere we are.
Wee Mad Haimish flaunts an extremely well painted portrait of himself on the battlefield, covered in blood and guts, leaning on his sword, over fallen bears, and tartan kilt flapping in the wind.
And th' wee pixie lassie painted me this heroic picture o' yers truly tae commemorate th' day ah saved her.
I’ll save th' goat story fur annur day, it's mair than likely kinky.
Bears!, hah! let me tell ye aboot bears, thay micht blether Big, 'n' keek big bit in th' end they’re juist overgrown teddies.
So th' ither day, richt. Ah wis sittin` 'ere minding mah ain business as usual, 'n' lo 'n' behold yit anither poff cam in keekin fur “adventurers”. Althoogh this time it wasn’t sae much tae murdurr this or tae fetch that, 'twas more lik' a BDSM thingie request. Th' peacock wanted tae fetch him a wee mistress 'n' bondage her up in th' feywild, basically snatching th' wee lassie fae this fellow by da name, Amanos. O' coorse ah said a'd dae it if th' dosh wis guid, bloody guid goin', this Cadfan chap wis 'ere again, padding oot th' request wi' some mae swallyin money.
So a bunch o' ither “opportunists” wur 'ere as weel, sae we decided tae gang up tae git it dane quicker. Sae efter a few pints we set aff towards th' feywild. Sae ah don’t ken aboot ye, bit i’ve git some afore history wi' th' wee bastards in th' feywild, sae ah armoured up, ye ne'er ken wi' these pesky wee flying pests. Anyway we fun this wee halfling, Briepip, aye lik' in th' crowdie. 'n' he git tae th' richt steid, whilk is guid, fur thare wis something wrong wi' th' woods in th' feywild, ill feelin`s if ye git me?.
Anyway Amanos hideout wis crawling wi' these bearfolk fellows, sae ah decided tae hae a bawherr o' a chinwag wi' thaim, bit thay turned oot tae be racists, 'n' cannibals.
Oh, did ah forgoat tae tell ye ah wis chinwagging wi' thaim as a bear masell, och aye ah thought that wid be th' best coorse o' action in a situation lik' this, ye ken: “hey thare i’m juist lik' ye, let me through”.
But as usual th' big fellows teuk it th' wrong wey 'n' decided tae sloch us, guid thing ah prepared a can o' whoopass earlier. Bit thay bastards wur nae alone, yin o' thair mates cam aboot, a flying bloody owlbear beastie, 'n' oan tap o' it a' th' beastie bloody weel wis breathing fire.
But as ah said, a' they fey folk, ur a' juist gigant twinks, bit efter dispatching o' th' parade we proceeded thro' th' windae, fur thare is juist sae muckle cub-bashing yin kin do.
In th' hideout we follaed oor noses, 'n' quickly fun th' wee wifu, Suada. Turns oot she wis under a geas tae finish some pentin fur th' main kahoona, Amanos. Guid thing we brought th' BDSM anti-magic cage.
So she presented us wi' a quicker option tae` tae lea th' hideout, weel at least a option tae` wi' less guts 'n' brain-matter. Thare wis a bear fellow, imprisoned that cuid teleport us oot, awright if it saves me traivelin, 'n' brings me a pint quicker ah wis a' fur it.
Anyway, th' key tae th' cage that held th' poor fellow wis guarded by a greedy dryad, th' ither pairtie members, sold bits o' themself sae ah didn’t hae tae. We finally fun th' ghastly fellow, whilk ah hawp wis a polymorphed eladrin or th' lik', parntly gaun by th' name of, Dah, in his new ursine guise.
Althoogh whin we stairt teleporting oot, this Amanos fellow comes rushing in a bit peeved, that we’ve nicked his wee mistress, guid thing ah keep some o' mah tangleweed handy, and th' wee gnome lassie cast some sort o' spell o' fear.
So, Amanos laird o' bears wis goin' "Waily-Waily!" lik' a bawherr scared lassie, 'n' we leisury offskied thro' th' portal. 'n' 'ere we are.
Wee Mad Haimish flaunts an extremely well painted portrait of himself on the battlefield, covered in blood and guts, leaning on his sword, over fallen bears, and tartan kilt flapping in the wind.
And th' wee pixie lassie painted me this heroic picture o' yers truly tae commemorate th' day ah saved her.
I’ll save th' goat story fur annur day, it's mair than likely kinky.
